


Good Enough

by AoiTsukikage



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Future Fic, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-07-15 05:31:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 41,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7209989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AoiTsukikage/pseuds/AoiTsukikage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>By the time Mika realizes he's in love with Arashi, it's far too late to do anything about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It doesn’t happen instantly. 

Falling in love with Arashi, that is. 

Or, well, maybe it does, and it just takes Mika a couple of years to realize it. 

Regardless, by the time he realizes he’s in love with Arashi, it’s far too late to do anything about it. 

000

Arashi leaves for the city after high school, talking about bookings and school and ‘how am I going to manage classes _and_ a full modeling schedule, Mika-chan, can you imagine what the _stress_ will do to my complexion?’ but he goes anyway, bag slung over his shoulder and posture completely belying the concerns he’s just raised. 

Mika, of course, doesn’t go to school, because he can’t afford it.  He doesn’t particularly want to go _home,_ either, and with Oshi-san away for his own classes Mika’s been told that he can stay at the Itsuki residence so long as he keeps things clean and lives by his own means (apart from the roof over his head).

So he gets the first job he can, working in a nearby bakery, and he knows he has no cooking skills but following directions is easy enough and he ends up getting pretty good at baking as long as he has a recipe to look at.

It keeps him busy, at least, even if it’s not the most fun job in the world, and the months leading to summer pass quickly as he adjusts to working full days. 

He’s excited for Arashi to come back, to be able to spend time with somebody other than the bakery employees that have never really warmed to him (nobody warms to him, really, except for Arashi and Nazuna-nii and Anzu-chan and maybe Oshi-san, but that’s a pretty big ‘maybe’). 

It’s only a couple of months, he tells himself.  He can make it.

000

Arashi doesn’t come back. 

He apologizes, a lot, says that he’s booked up almost every week and it would be too much hassle to come home in between jobs but he promises he’ll be home over the winter. 

Winter’s a long time away, Mika thinks sadly as he turns his phone off, but maybe he can pick up some extra shifts to make some more money. 

He’s happy for Arashi, he really is, but every time he happens across an ad or a spread in a magazine with the other man in it he feels something twist in his chest, something ugly and primal that frightens him because Arashi’s not _his_ and he can’t get jealous over the fact that everybody in the country will be able to see just how breathtaking Arashi is. 

So he works, and he goes home and keeps the place clean (Oshi-san’s home for the summer but even so he’s busy with projects and designing costumes and he doesn’t have a lot of time for Mika), and then he goes back to work. 

It’s mundane, and monotonous, and when the bakery owner offers him a chance to work the front counter he nearly jumps at it despite the stipulation that he has to hide his eye color somehow because it would be ‘distracting’ to the customers. 

He does, getting colored contacts so that both his eyes are blue, and while they’re a pain to put in he finds they give him a lot of confidence and for the first time he’s not afraid to look customers in the eye. 

He’s good at making small talk, even if sometimes he’s not sure what to say, but he knows the merchandise and after a few weeks he can recognize the regulars and strike up a conversation with them, and it’s nice. 

000

Arashi gets a boyfriend over the fall. 

Mika hears all about him, of course, because Arashi never misses their weekly phone calls, but every time Arashi talks about him in a tone of voice that’s too close to dreamy Mika feels that burning, clawing _thing_ in his chest again. 

The first time he sees a picture he nearly tears the magazine to shreds, but he forces himself to look to see what he’s dealing with.  It’s for a new clothing line, and the guy’s standing altogether too close to Arashi for Mika’s liking, but one look shows that he’s a few inches taller, broad-shouldered and well-built with wavy brown hair and soulful dark eyes, and he’s _gorgeous_. 

Of course he is.

Arashi would never let himself be seen with somebody less exquisite than himself. 

It only makes Mika feel more inadequate, because this guy’s everything he isn’t and it’s obvious he’s not Arashi’s type at all. 

So he listens, and he murmurs in acknowledgment when he feels it’s appropriate, but when Arashi tells him he’ll only be home for a couple of days over the winter break because he wants to spend time with his boyfriend, Mika can’t even be surprised. 

Disappointed, maybe, even though the sight of Arashi giddy and glowing makes his own heart feel lighter, but…

But that it’s a stranger that’s making him feel this way, that they only get to spend one afternoon together before Arashi’s off without a backward glance…that hurts far more than it should. 

000

Spring break between first and second year passes in much the same way, although the new-relationship shine has worn off a bit and Arashi is actually around for a good two weeks. 

Mika takes them off, ignoring the knowing look from his boss when he says he’s got ‘somebody special t’ meet’, but with all of the extra hours he’s put in he deserves a bit of a vacation.

He’s still saving a lot, and by his count if he works another year he _might_ have enough to take a two-year program somewhere and at least get something that’ll help him find a more permanent job. 

He still doesn’t know what he wants to do, not really, because he’s not really _good_ at anything, but he’s got time to think about it. 

000

When Arashi calls to tell him he won’t be coming back that summer, either, Mika isn’t even surprised, and he just sighs and tries to ignore the sudden lump of ice that’s seemingly formed in his gut. 

That’s about the time when he realizes his feelings toward Arashi might be a little more than friendly, because he imagines him going to the beach with his boyfriend, and going out for dinner, and spending the night together and…

And then he has to stop, because his bed feels more empty than ever and the thought of somebody seeing Arashi…like that…makes the jealous feeling (and that’s what it is, he can’t deny it anymore) intensify to the point that he can barely hold it inside. 

He does, somehow.  He keeps smiling, keeps going to work every day, and when Arashi walks into the bakery about two weeks into summer break he doesn’t even recognize him because he’s moving on autopilot. 

“Hi, there!  What c’n I get f’r you today-“

“You.  I’m hoping.”

“Huh?” he looks up, his eyes widening.  “Naru-chan?”

“Hey,” Arashi looks…tired, and remarkably casual, but all Mika can do is stand there and gape because he hadn’t been expecting this at all.  “Sorry, you’re probably working, but…”

“I’ll…gimme a sec,” he rushes to the back and babbles out something about leaving early, the head baker giving him a knowing look and asking if it’s ‘that special person’ before all but shoving him out of the room. 

He quickly gets his apron off and grabs his bag, rushing out to the front and realizing that he should have probably seen if Arashi actually wanted something from the bakery first. 

“Sorry, uh, did’ja want cake or somethin’?” he asks softly, trying to regain his composure. 

“Maybe another day.  Right now I just…” Arashi shakes his head, turning around and leaving the shop while Mika blinks after him. 

“Hey!” he dashes out the door, reaching to place a hand on Arashi’s shoulder and stumbling back when it causes the taller man to turn and glare at him.  “S-sorry,” he mumbles, a little hurt because Arashi’s _never_ reacted that way to being touched before. 

“Oh, Mika-chan,” Arashi’s gaze softens and he spreads his arms a little, although that’s all the invitation Mika needs to practically throw himself at his friend.  “I’ve missed you,” Arashi mumbles into his hair, and part of Mika thinks that’s bullshit because it was completely Arashi’s choice to spend only two weeks out of the last year with him, but a bigger part of him is just happy to be in Arashi’s arms again. 

Mika knows they probably shouldn’t be doing this in the middle of the street but his nose is pressed against Arashi’s neck and he’s just…breathing him in, letting himself savor every second of being held. 

“D’you wanna go somewhere?” he asks, Arashi sighing into his hair. 

“Can we go to yours?  My parents don’t actually know I’m here and there are…things I’d rather not talk to them about yet,” he doesn’t let go of Mika, his fingers digging into Mika’s shirt.  “I’m…fuck, I’m going to be in so much trouble…”

“What?” Mika pulls back. “What d’you mean?  Can I help?”

“You’re sweet, but unless you want to call my agency and explain why I’m going to miss out on all of my bookings for the foreseeable future - something I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy - I don’t think you can.  I just…I can’t do it, Mika-chan, I can’t go to work knowing he’s there and knowing what he did,” he’s shaking a little and Mika holds him tighter again.

“Who?  Talk t’ me, Naru-chan.”

“My boyfriend.  Well.  I guess he’s my ex-boyfriend now, since he decided to…I came home and he was…there was another guy,” Arashi whispered, like he was ashamed of it, and Mika had never really had violent urges but there was a part of him that wanted to make this guy seriously pay for making Arashi hurt like this.  “But I don’t…not here, can we…” he sounds so unsure, so hesitant, and Mika knows he’ll do anything to bring _his_ Arashi back. 

“Yeah. Oshi-san’s prob’ly home but he won’t care ‘s long as we don’t make too much noise,” he moves back again, clutching Arashi’s hand tightly.  “C’mon, it’s not far, we c’n walk.”

“Thank you,” Arashi looks immensely relieved, though his eyes are far too bright and Mika knows he’s trying hard to keep it together.  “I don’t deserve you, Mika-chan.”

“Course y’ do.  That bastard who hurt you doesn’t deserve you,” Mika snorts, not letting go of Arashi’s hand as he heads in the direction of the Itsuki residence.  He’s still angry, his feet moving faster than normal, but Arashi’s legs are so long that he keeps up easily even with Mika half-dragging him down the street. 

They get home quickly, Mika opening the front door and seeing that Shu’s working on some costume or other, so he tries to sneak by without alerting him.  It doesn’t work, of course, but Shu doesn’t look _angry_ when he looks up. 

“Kagehira, what are you…” he blinks, his eyes narrowing as he takes in Arashi.  “Narukami. Knights, if I’m not mistaken?”

Arashi nods, looking like he doesn’t know how to handle Shu, but the older man merely shrugs and goes back to his sewing. 

“Well, I have no interest in you, so as long as you don’t make your presence overtly known to me I care not why you’re here,” he grunts, which is a pretty clear dismissal, and Arashi glances at Mika.

“Oshi-san, did’ja eat yet?  I brought y’ a croissant from the bakery,” Mika digs in his bag and sets the container on the side of his desk, getting an almost imperceptible nod from Shu before he tugs on Arashi’s sleeve and leads him toward his room. “Gimme a minute, ‘kay?” he stops outside the door, slipping inside and quickly pulling all of the drawings and posters off of the wall that would make Arashi think his interests were strange. 

He pauses at Anzu’s poster from high school, but a normal person would probably find it scary so he takes that down, too (and yeah, he knows Arashi was in a unit with a maybe-vampire, but that still didn’t mean he was okay with that sort of thing) and shoves them all into a drawer. 

“Okay, y’ can come in,” he calls and Arashi hesitantly pushes open the door, glancing around before flopping on the bed and burying his face against the pillows.  “Naru-chan?”

Arashi doesn’t say anything, lifting a hand and waving Mika over, and all he does when Mika sits down is pull him into a firm embrace.  “Can I take a nap first?  I promise I’ll explain everything but I just…”

“Yeah.  ‘Course,” Mika assures him.  “Y’ want me to leave you alone?”

“If you don’t mind, I’d…really like it if you stayed,” he turns a little so Mika can see his face.  “If you let me hold you,” he mumbles and Mika suddenly feels like a flock of birds has decided to all take off from inside his stomach at once from the way his insides squirm at that.  “I’m sorry; you don’t have to do that…”

“No, ‘s fine,” Mika can barely believe his luck.  “I don’t mind.”

“Thank you,” Arashi smiles at him before his expression changes and he reaches to touch Mika’s cheek, a slight furrow on his brow.  “Your eyes…”

“Oh!  Yeah, I’d better take ‘em out if we’re gonna nap,” he sits up. “I’ll be right back,” he rushes to the bathroom to wash his hands and removes the contacts with practiced ease.  It hadn’t been easy at first, but now he barely thinks about them because it’s just a part of his daily routine. 

He comes back to find Arashi sitting up, knees pulled to his chest.  “Why are you hiding your eyes?”

“They asked me to.  At the shop,” he shrugs.  “Said that people would ask too many questions otherwise, and since I hate ‘em anyway it actually makes it easier t’ talk to people now,” he sits back down only for Arashi to cup his face and look directly at him.  “What?”

“You don’t have to hide them around me, Mika-chan.  I love your eyes,” he murmurs and Mika squirms a little and looks down, embarrassed.  “I’m serious.”

“I know y’ are, Naru-chan,” he mumbles.  “Yer the only one I’m okay with starin’ at me like this.”

“You’re so beautiful,” Arashi pulls him down again, wrapping his arms around Mika and holding him tightly.  “I’m sorry I’ve been an ass for the past year.”

“Y’ haven’t been,” Mika promises, getting himself comfortable.  “I c’n understand workin’ and having’ a boyfriend are more important than me.”

“Still, you’re _too_ important for me to have treated you like that,” he genuinely looks remorseful.  “I should know better by now that true friends are hard to come by.”

“I’ll always be here f’r you, Naru-chan,” Mika promises, reaching to grab a blanket he can pull over them.  “And if you wanna talk about anythin’, I’ll listen.”

“I know,” Arashi’s words are slurring a little as his eyes slide closed, but his grip on Mika doesn’t lessen.  “I will.  I just need…”

“Sleep,” Mika kisses his forehead and hears Arashi let out a tiny, pleased-sounding hum.  “I’ll be here when y’ wake up.”

“Mm, thank you,” Arashi’s clutching at him like he’s some sort of lifeline and Mika let him, his fingers sliding through Arashi’s hair soothingly until he’s sure his friend is asleep. 

“I love you,” he murmurs, knowing Arashi can’t hear him but needing to say it anyway, and lets Arashi’s even breathing lull him to sleep as well. 

000

“Naru-chan?”

He peers around the kitchen door a little anxiously, because Arashi hadn’t been there when he’d woken up and part of him was afraid he’d just…run away again or something. 

“Mika-chan!” Arashi waves at him from the table, grinning brightly.  “You didn’t tell me your Oshi-san was, like, such a good cook!”

“Ah…” Mika narrows his eyes, because Arashi’s obviously acting, but it’s something he’s perfected after so many years.  The real Arashi is a lot more thoughtful and not always bubbly and happy, but Mika knows that very few people get to see that side of him even though it’s the one that Mika’s fallen hard for. 

Arashi’s confusing, sometimes, but Mika knows he’s genuinely nice and does want to help people, even if he puts up a front around strangers that takes his enthusiasm up a few levels.

Shu himself is back working on outfits, although the croissant is gone so Mika assumes he at least ate _something,_ but he mutters something about ‘beautiful models’ when Mika goes to check so he decides to leave him alone. 

“He…made y’ karaage?” Mika blinks, because Shu’s always been good about keeping him fed but it’s not like he asks what Mika wants most of the time. 

“Mm-hmm, I said it was my favorite,” Arashi picks up a piece of chicken with his chopsticks.  “Now, open up.”

“Y’ don’t hafta feed me,” Mika feels his cheeks flush and stares down at the floor. 

“You don’t eat enough,” Arashi clicks his tongue.  “Come on, for me?”

“I don’t let you stay in my house to compromise your health, Kagehira,” Shu’s giving him a rather knowing look and Mika doesn’t quite understand it, but he opens his mouth and leans closer. 

Arashi laughs and feeds him, Mika chewing thoughtfully before swallowing, but of course it’s good.  “Here, there’s enough for both of us.”

“I c’n get my own…” Mika stands up but Arashi’s hand around his wrist makes him pause.  “I mean, if y’ really wanna feed me, I guess ‘s okay.”

“Excellent!” Arashi pulls Mika down into his lap and Mika squeaks, because this is maybe even worse than falling asleep hugging, but Arashi doesn’t seem particularly bothered so Mika tries to pretend that everything is normal. 

Even if it’s really, really not.

000

“You’re smitten.”

“I’m what, Oshi-san?” Mika looks back at Shu and blinks, not sure where the comment even came from.  “I dunno what y’ mean…”

“Don’t play the fool, boy, I know you’re not as dense as you seem,” Shu sniffs and gives him a searching look, finally putting down the fabric he’s been holding for the last several hours.  He stands and rolls his shoulders back, sighing heavily before crossing to the kitchen for a glass of water.  “I’m well acquainted with most of Knights, you realize.  Tsukinaga and I have a lot of history, and Sena was my classmate.  Not to mention, while I don’t know his brother as well, Rei and I are friends,” he leans against the counter and regards Mika carefully. “Those model boys…they’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

“Huh?” Mika’s seriously lost now.  “Naru-chan’s a model, yeah, but I dunno what that has t’ do with anythin’…”

“Ignore my ramblings,” Shu chuckles.  “Regardless, whatever the reason is, you like this child.”

“He’s my best friend.  Or was, mebbe, before he went off t’ school,” Mika’s still wary because Shu’s never taken an interest in his personal life before, but he doesn’t seem like he’s being mean about it.  “But he jus’ had a bad break-up so…”

“Ah,” Shu doesn’t say more than that and goes back to his worktable, staring at the fabric there thoughtfully for a while. 

“Well, uh, g’night, Oshi-san,” Mika mumbles, turning to leave. 

“Kagehira.”

“Yeah?” he turns around. 

“Any idiot could see he makes you happy.  You’re much more attractive when you smile,” Shu doesn’t look at him, seemingly engrossed in his work. 

He doesn’t know if Shu just gave Mika his blessing to…what?  Make some sort of move on Arashi?...but it’s something he’s probably going to be thinking about for a long time.   

000

Arashi’s asleep again by the time Mika makes it back to his room, his arms tightly clasped around a pillow, and Mika quickly gets ready for bed and slides in beside him. 

“Mika-chan?”

“Hey,” he lets Arashi pull him closer.  “Y’ wanna talk?”

“In the morning,” Arashi promises.  “Just want to hold you for now.”

“Okay,” Mika lets one of his hands rest on Arashi’s waist, feeling like he’s being too bold, but Arashi doesn’t seem to mind and nuzzles against his neck in return.  “Y’ know I love you, right?”

“Of course,” Arashi hums, eyes closed and a tiny smile on his lips.  “I love you, too.”

And he does, Mika’s sure of that, but…

But it’s not in the way that Mika loves _him._

And that’s something that Mika’s pretty sure is never going to change.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I know it’s a Very Bad Idea to be writing/posting two fics at once, but I’ve been…encouraged by some people on twitter to post the first chapter of this one so I decided to go ahead with it (I’m at [_mikarashis](http://twitter.com/_mikarashis) there if anybody wants to find me!)
> 
> 2\. This is going to be a friend-with-benefits scenario, which means it might get a little angst-y down the road and I wanted to give a warning for that. 
> 
> 3\. I’ve never written Shu before and he’s really not easy to write, but I was amused by his comment in the most recent gacha story (the cowboy/arcade one) where he says he’ll protect Izumi because he’s ‘too beautiful to get hurt’.
> 
> 4\. I do appreciate feedback so feel free to comment if you’re so inclined, and I hope the first chapter of this was enjoyable!


	2. Chapter 2

Mika's confused for a few seconds when he wakes up the next morning, not used to sleeping with anyone, but he remembers the day before soon enough and figures that he'd better savour every second of having Arashi in his bed because the chances of it happening again aren't likely.   
  
"Naru-chan? Y' up yet?" he whispers, getting a grumble in return before Arashi stirs.   
  
" 's too early, babe," he mumbles, and Mika feels that twisty thing in his chest again because Arashi must think he's in bed with his ex. "Mmph," Arashi reaches out vaguely, pulling Mika closer and cupping his cheek before their lips are pressed together and okay, yeah, this isn't good.  
  
Or rather, it _is_ , but Mika doesn't want Arashi kissing him when he doesn't actually know _who_ he's kissing.  
  
And to be honest, he'd kind of expected his first kiss ever to be under different circumstances, but it's still _Arashi_ so he can't really complain...even if he's not really in a position to be enjoying it right now.   
  
"Naru-chan," he pulls back reluctantly. "Wake up, yer still half-asleep."  
  
"Hmm?" Arashi's eyes open slowly and he blinks at Mika, a look of concern flitting over his features a few seconds later. "Shit! I'm so sorry, Mika-chan, I thought..." he shakes his head, one hand coming up to cover his mouth, and Mika wonders if he should be offended that apparently kissing him makes Arashi feel like he wants to throw up or something.   
  
" 's okay," Mika shrugs. "I mean, not that I've ever been kissed before, y'know, but don't worry about it," he doesn't know why he says it, especially since Arashi really has no reason to know.   
  
"You've..." Arashi lowers his hand, his expression turning sympathetic even though pity is the last thing Mika wants. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry," he repeats the apology, his tone so sickly-sweet that Mika feels a little patronized. "Your first kiss should be special."  
  
"Don' worry about it," Mika tries to wave the whole thing off although, with Arashi, he knows it won't be that easy. "Didn' really think I'd ever get kissed at all, so 's fine."  
  
"What?" Arashi looks confused now. "Why? You're beautiful," he lifts a hand, running the back of his fingers down Mika's cheek.   
  
"Nah, not really," Mika shrugs, inwardly glowing from the compliment the way he does every time Arashi says something positive about his appearance. "Anyway, y' wanna get breakfast or somethin'..."  
  
"Hang on," Arashi narrows his eyes. "I want to make it up to you. If you'll let me."  
  
"Huh?" Mika blinks, because he hadn't been expecting that. "What d'you..."  
  
"Well, I can't give your first kiss back to you, but I can make your second one better," he smiles a little, looking almost shy. "If you want."  
  
And Mika thinks his brain might have short-circuited because there was no way in hell Arashi had just said...just offered to...did he...  
  
"Okay," Arashi sighs. "Sorry. There I go presuming you actually want to kiss me."  
  
"Naru-chan," he shakes his head. "No, I do. I mean. If you want t' kiss me 'm not gonna say no," he can barely get the words out, his throat is so tight. "But I prob'ly have mornin' breath or somethin' and it won't be very nice so..."  
  
"You don't have to make excuses," Arashi pulls away and sits up. "I understand."  
  
"No!"   
  
And that comes out far more emotional (and far louder) than he'd meant it to, enough that Arashi flinches back in surprise. Mika swallows and puts his hand on Arashi's arm, looking him in the eyes. Damn it, if this is the only chance he'll ever get to kiss Arashi, he'd be a real idiot not to take it.   
  
It's just a pity kiss, yeah, but Mika's pride can handle it if it means doing it with Arashi.   
  
"I want you t' kiss me," he says, his voice barely wavering. "Really."  
  
"Okay," Arashi looks relieved. "Here, lean against the headboard."  
  
Mika's a little curious as to why but he does what Arashi asks, stretching his legs out in front of him. "Like this?"  
  
"Perfect," Arashi swings his leg over Mika's so that he's straddling the other man's lap, something Mika's all-too-aware of, and cups Mika's face carefully in his hands. "Okay?"  
  
"Yep," Mika nods hurriedly, almost wishing Arashi would get it over with because the longer he stays in Mika's lap the more chance there'll be of Mika's body completely betraying him.   
  
"Good," Arashi leans closer, his lips finding Mika's with a lot more purpose this time around. Mika flails his arms a bit, not sure where to put them, and eventually settles for wrapping them around Arashi's waist and pulling him in. One of Arashi's hands slides into his hair, tilting his head, and Mika goes along with it, letting Arashi move him however he wants.   
  
Arashi's lips are moving leisurely against his own, his body pressed tight to Mika's chest, and Mika lets the wall support him and leans back even more. He doesn't know what he's doing, not really, but he tries to move with Arashi and gets a pleased-sounding murmur in return.   
  
It's nice, he thinks absently. Okay, 'nice' might be an understatement considering the fireworks currently going off in his chest, but it's still true.   
  
"Mm," Arashi pulls back, a little out of breath and with his pale cheeks rather suspiciously pink. "Was that a better first kiss?"  
  
And Mika wants to say something at least passably smooth - that he thinks he needs a little more time to decide, that he wants to practice more - but instead he just kind of squeaks and nods.   
  
"Good," Arashi doesn't move away, curling forward so that his head is resting on Mika's shoulder. "Do you want to hear what happened?"  
  
"Only if y' feel ready t' talk about it," Mika says quietly, his arms tightening around Arashi a little more.   
  
"Yeah. There's not much to tell, honestly. I thought everything was going well and then he's in bed with another guy - _our_ bed...well, okay, his bed, but I was practically living there for the summer, so…" he huffs in an irritated manner and Mika wonders just how serious things had gotten if Arashi was _living_ with the guy. "I don't remember much...there was probably a lot of screaming and crying on my part but all he said was that I was too cold for him to know if my feelings were real."  
  
"That's bullshit," Mika says angrily. "Yer not cold at all."  
  
"I am, though," Arashi shakes his head. "Not around you, because I trust you with everything, but around most people...I'm nice to them, of course, but it's hard for me to get close to people. Honestly close," he looks at Mika and Mika’s kind of always known it, or guessed it from things Arashi's let slip, but at the same time he's not going to press if Arashi doesn't want to tell him why. "I was happy with him, ridiculously so, but I never told him that I loved him because I guess part of me always assumed that somewhere along the line things would go wrong and if I got too attached it would hurt too much when it happened. I never gave us a chance, and maybe that means I'm not ready for a relationship yet, but..." he sighs. "I still wish he would have talked to me instead of fucking another guy in our bed."  
  
"Yeah, that's pretty awful of 'im," Mika says quietly, because Arashi calmly talking about somebody having sex with him is giving Mika mental images he doesn't need. "And it's still no excuse, y'know? Even if things weren't goin' great, y' just don't cheat on people."  
  
"He didn't even seem that remorseful," Arashi mumbles. "Basically told me that these things just happen and it was time to move on, like I was just a disposable body to him to fuck as long as he wanted and then find a newer model," he sounds close to tears again, his breath catching in his throat. Mika holds him tighter, the ball of anger that's been in his chest since the day before expanding alarmingly.   
  
"Like I said, he doesn't deserve you, Naru-chan," he snarls. "Yer beautiful and perfect and y' deserve somebody that c'n see it and that’s gonna treat you right."  
  
"I'm glad you think so," Arashi leans closer and Mika doesn't hesitate to kiss him this time, letting his fingers tangle in Arashi's soft hair. "I didn't mean to do that," Arashi says, although his mouth is still pressed to Mika's. "I didn't..."  
  
"Don't worry about it. I don't mind," Mika kind of wants to lie there and kiss Arashi forever...or at least for a few more hours, because it really _is_ nice and he feels so content.   
  
"Mika-chan..." Arashi pauses. "No, I'm not going to ask you to do anything else for me."  
  
"What is it?" Mika really has no idea where this is going, but he's willing to find out.   
  
"No, this is...it's so selfish, but I was just thinking...I don't want commitment...I'm not even sure if I can handle it...and you...you want to experience all of this, right?" he looks hopeful and Mika doesn't know what 'all of this' means, exactly, but if it's what he _thinks_ it is then the answer is a definitive 'yes.'  
  
"Are y' askin' me t' be yer, uh, fuck buddy?" he asks in a shaky voice, because the thought of Arashi...and him...it was overwhelming.  
  
"Ew, no, that's such a crude way of putting it. Friends with benefits, maybe," he muses. "Because we're friends first, but this way...you could have your first experience with somebody you were comfortable with, and I could...have a physical relationship with somebody I trust completely and that won't break my heart," he sighs.   
  
Mika's first instinct is to say yes, of course, because this is something he could hardly dared to have hoped for, but thinking about it for a few moments makes him hesitate.   
  
Yes, he's in love with Arashi, and he knows that Arashi doesn't feel the same, but is it worth it to have just a physical relationship if the chances of it going farther aren't there? Would he really be content with that? Able to keep his own feelings hidden enough that Arashi would never suspect them?  
  
The truth is, he doesn't know, and that's enough to give him pause.   
  
Because he'd rather be just friends with Arashi for his entire life than have a summer fling that might jeopardize their relationship entirely.   
  
And really, it's only been a day since Arashi's relationship ended, so Mika's not even sure this isn’t just desperation and that in a couple of days he'll regret it and want to call everything off.   
  
"Sorry. This is a bad idea," Arashi groans and slumps forward against Mika again . "I'm a mess and I'm taking it out on you and you don't deserve that after how accommodating you've been for me showing up without any warning."  
  
"Lemme think about it for a bit, okay?" Mika asks softly. "I mean, that is, we should both prob'ly think about it," he adds after a few seconds.   
  
"No, you're right," Arashi finally moves back a little. "I mean, obviously you wouldn't want to get involved with somebody who's such a mess," he smiles thinly.   
  
Mika sits up, reaching to take Arashi's hand and gripping it tightly. "Naru-chan, 's not that, I promise," he shakes his head. "Yer not a mess, but y' just got hurt real bad by this guy and I don't want to make it worse by you just rushin' into things with me, y’know?"   
  
"I...yes," Arashi heaves a dramatic sigh and flops back onto the bed. "I need to call my agency and see if we can work something out...and then I have to explain to my parents why I'm going to be home all summer...so once I sort everything out maybe we can talk about this again?" he looks hopeful.   
  
"Yeah," Mika nods. "But 'm not sayin' no, okay?" he wants to make that clear, since Arashi seems to think that somehow Mika wouldn't _want_ to get involved with him and that's so far from the truth that it's laughable.   
  
"Okay," Arashi doesn't look entirely convinced, but Mika can’t do much more to help that right now so he'll let it go. "Do you mind if I use your shower? I should freshen up a bit. And..." he sighs. "Fuck."  
  
"What's wrong?" Mika asks softly, placing his hand gently on Arashi's arm.   
  
"Most of my things are still at his place," he shrugs. "I threw some clothes into a bag and ran out without thinking about all of the other things I had there. My beauty routine is practically ruined," he looks genuinely distressed about this and Mika knows how much stock he puts in his own appearance, but he's not really sure what he can do to help.   
  
"I mean, y' can use whatever's in there, but I don't have much," Mika shrugs.   
  
"You're naturally beautiful, Mika-chan," Arashi turns to him. "I would give anything to have your complexion."  
  
"Uh, 's nothin' special," Mika knows he's blushing again and is a little embarrassed about how _good_ he feels every time Arashi gives him a compliment. He knows it's because Arashi isn't prone to doing it with other people, which makes him an exception, but it still shouldn't make him feel as pleased as it does.   
  
"Mika-chan?" Arashi asks softly and Mika blinks at him, not letting go of his arm. "I'm sorry if I made things weird."  
  
"Y' didn't," Mika takes Arashi's hand in his again. "I, uh, kissing you was nice," he stares at the blankets and hears Arashi give a soft little laugh, inwardly berating himself because he’s used ‘nice’ to describe the kiss too many times already and it doesn’t even come close to describing how Mika really felt about it.    
  
"Nice, huh?" he smiles. "High praise."  
  
"Uh, I mean," he stammers, realizing a second later that Arashi is just joking and feeling foolish.   
  
"Hey," Arashi hugs him and Mika clings to him, not wanting to let go yet. "You're adorable."  
  
"Am not," Mika grumbles into his shoulder, but he's kind of glad Arashi thinks so. "I meant what I said before, y'know. About not saying no," he clarifies and hears Arashi sigh.   
  
"I do. Let me sort things out and then we can come back to this," he pulls away and his smile looks a little more genuine this time so Mika decides he can live with that for now.   
  
"Okay," he reluctantly lets Arashi go, trying not to think about the fact that he's going to be naked in Mika's shower because that’s really not going to help matters.   
  
He heads to the kitchen after Arashi goes into the bathroom, seeing that Shu's up and eating another croissant, and blinks because he'd only brought one the day before. "Oshi-san?"  
  
"I don't let you stay here to slack off and miss shifts, Kagehira," he mentions idly, flipping through a newspaper, and Mika's still confused before he takes a look at the clock and realizes he should have been at work two hours ago.   
  
"Shit!" he turns to run back to his room and change but Shu raising a hand stops him. "I'm so sorry, Oshi-san, I'll jes'..."  
  
"Don't bother," Shu murmurs. "I had concluded that you and Narukami weren't likely to leave your room anytime soon so I took it upon myself to go to the bakery and inform your superiors."  
  
"You..." Mika tilts his head to the side, utterly confused. "Y' did what?"  
  
"Honestly, is there anything at _all_ rattling around in that thick skull of yours?" Shu sniffs and looks over at Mika. "Don't mistake my actions for kindness; I merely wanted breakfast and I didn't relish the thought of you losing your job and moping around here while trying to find another one. I told the bakery owner you had a...situation and that you would be in after lunch," he pushes a bag toward Mika and the younger man looks into it to find two pastries inside. "They gave me those. For you and your 'special someone,'" he's almost smiling now and Mika pulls the bag toward himself hastily.   
  
" 's not like that," he mumbles, turning to head back into the bedroom.   
  
"But you want it to be," is all Shu says, going back to reading the paper as if the conversation had never happened (and really, if would have been better if it hadn’t, all things considered, since Shu being...almost nice...isn’t something Mika has a lot of experience with and he’s not quite sure how to handle it).   
  
He gets back to his room and sinks down onto the bed, the bag still clasped in his hand. He's not really looking forward to going into work because no doubt he'll be asked a lot of awkward questions that he won't have answers for considering that he and Arashi *aren't* anything, not yet and maybe not ever, and being constantly reminded of that isn't going to make him feel any better.   
  
"Mika-chan, I borrowed your towel! I hope you don't mind," Arashi comes out of the washroom, said towel around his waist and wearing absolutely nothing else, and Mika decides that the whole damn world must be out to get him today. Arashi by himself is hard enough to deal with but a half-naked and freshly-showered Arashi - pale skin flushed from the hot water, hair damp and dripping beads of moisture that rolled down his neck and into the hollow of his collarbone and Mika really needs to stop thinking about _how much he wants to lick them off_ \- is a new kind of torture.   
  
"Oh, uh, 's fine," he promises, his voice a tiny squeak. "Oshi-san brought breakfast," he holds out the now-crumpled bag and Arashi beams and sits beside him, apparently deciding that eating in just a towel is perfectly acceptable.   
  
And maybe it would be, if there were truly no feelings other than friendship between them, but Mika knows if he even so much as hints that he wants something deeper Arashi would call things off before they could even begin because, as he'd said earlier, he doesn't want commitment.   
  
So Mika pretends it's okay, that he's fine with Arashi’s current state of undress, and knows he's going to be doing a lot of hiding and denying his feelings in the near future.   
  
It’s okay, though.   
  
If it means getting to be with Arashi, even if it's not the way his heart truly wants...it's still okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who left kudos on the first chapter! I hope you enjoyed the second part of this as well and if you’d like to leave a comment, please feel free (I do try to reply to any comments I get and they help me to see what people are thinking about the fic


	3. Chapter 3

Work, despite his fears, isn't that bad. He brushes off all the questions directed to him with the explanation that he was just helping a friend through a bad break-up (and thankfully nobody takes it farther).  
  
It's not a lie, in any case, even though it barely scratches the surface of what's truly going on with him and Arashi.   
  
It's a slow afternoon and Mika busies himself helping out in the back when there aren't any customers, and by the time he gets out of work it's nearly nightfall.   
  
He's not used to working late, mostly because he always takes the early shift, but it's a pleasant enough summer evening.  He munches idly on a taiyaki, thinking that Arashi would probably berate him since all he's really eaten today are sweets. Still, he doesn't need much to fill his stomach, and he gets whatever he wants for free working at the bakery so it would be a shame to not take advantage of it.   
  
"Hey, you!"  
  
"Naru-chan?" he sputters, nearly choking because _speak of the devil_. "What're you doin' back here?"   
  
"I knew you were getting off work soon so I thought I would come and pick you up, but I guess my timing was off," he seems in a better mood than he'd been in earlier, which Mika's grateful for. "I thought we could go for dinner somewhere. Get something into you that's not sweet," he adds with a wink and Mika thinks how accurate he'd been earlier about Arashi’s reaction to his rather unbalanced diet.  
  
"Yeah, okay," he agrees easily, not really intending on ordering much of anything. "What're you thinkin'?" he falls into step beside Arashi, who stops walking and glances around.   
  
"Well, to be honest, I don't know this part of town very well," he laughs, a little sheepish. "What do you suggest?"  
  
"Uh, there's nothin' fancy here," Mika shrugs. "I guess there's a noodle house a couple 'a blocks away that's always busy, but this time of night it shouldn't be too bad," he adds.   
  
"Sounds perfect. Lead the way," Arashi smiles at him and Mika can't find it in himself to protest anymore so he does, glad to see that the place is only about half-full. He's surprisingly hungry, although since his meals that day had amounted to a single pastry and a taiyaki, maybe that wasn't surprising.   
  
He orders a bowl of ramen at Arashi's insistence, not able to say no to the other man when Arashi looks at him with pleading eyes, and he's glad that he gives in once he starts to eat. He'd offered to pay, although Arashi had taken care of that as well, and Mika doesn't want to think of this as a date even though he doesn't think anybody could blame him for doing so.  
  
"So. I have a favor to ask you," Arashi starts.  Mika swallows down some noodles and blinks at him. "You've already been more than accommodating and I feel like I'm imposing, but you're the only person I can trust with this."  
  
"What is it?" he asks, not really disappointed even though Arashi buying him dinner in order to soften the blow of whatever request he has kind of ruins the whole date-image he's been thinking about.   
  
"Well," Arashi clears his throat. "I talked to the agency today, and they're willing to give me a bit of leniency since I've been a...forgive the term...model employee since I started there.  I'll just have to go back a couple of times this summer to work on some shoots that have been booked for a long time."  
  
"That's good," Mika smiles. "I'd hate fer you t' lose yer job over somethin' that's not yer fault," he mumbles, getting a smile in return.   
  
"It's the best I could have hoped for, really," he nods. "But I also...talked to my ex and told him I'd be coming back tomorrow to get my things, and that I'd appreciate it if he wasn't home at the time," he sits back in his chair, his body posture closing off instinctively. "I know the bakery's not open tomorrow because I checked the hours earlier, so I was going to ask..."  
  
"You want me t' come with you?" Mika blinks, not really having expected that, and especially not expecting Arashi to know his schedule.  He feels oddly flattered by it, though, if only because it means Arashi’s being considerate about asking him to come along.  "But, I mean, I'm not gonna be much good if this guy shows up. He's, uh, big," he mumbles, not wanting Arashi to know he's been stalking his shoots to see pictures of the guy.   
  
"I don't think you'll have to fight him, Mika-chan," Arashi looks wryly amused, the corners of his mouth turned up. "But I could use the moral support. It..." he shakes his head. "Never mind. That's getting deeper than I want," he starts to eat, his eyes downcast at his bowl.   
  
"Hey, y' said once that if either of us needed help from the other, we'd give it, right?" he asks softly. "So, if y' wanna tell me, I promise 'm not gonna judge you. I think yer perfect, so," he ducks his own head because he hadn't meant for that last part to come out, but that doesn't make it any less true.   
  
"Oh, honey, I'm far from it," Arashi gives him a rather searching look. "Okay. To be honest, he...knew all of the right things to say to get me to trust him. Maybe it's not hard, since giving me compliments is guaranteed to get me on your good side, but looking back now...it does feel like he only said those things to get me into his bed, and not because he actually believes them. And even though I _know_ that, if I'm alone with him again I'm afraid that I might, you know…" he sighs heavily. "I'm weaker than you think, Mika-chan, and it disgusts me that I'd even entertain the thought after what he did to me."  
  
"Hey," Mika glances around, not wanting to do anything to make somebody notice them, and reaches under the table to grab Arashi's hand. "I promise that if y' need compliments I'll give 'em t' you all day."  
  
"I know," Arashi squeezes his hand lightly. "And I know you actually mean them."  
  
"I do. Yer gorgeous," he promises. "And of course I'll come with you."  
  
"Thank you," Arashi gives him a much more genuine smile now. "I can always count on you, Mika-chan."  
  
"Yeah," Mika nods, finishing his meal and feeling rather full and sated for once. Huh. Maybe he _does_ need to start eating better. "Should I jes' meet you somewhere in the mornin' or..." he takes a breath, knowing he's going to regret his next sentence the moment he utters it but not really caring. "Or d'you wanna stay over again?"  
  
"Could I?" Arashi looks far happier about that than Mika would have expected. "Oh, that would make things so much easier, and to be honest between my parents and my brother I'm already tired of talking about what happened."  
  
"Yeah, 's no problem," Mika all but squeaks, since he really hadn’t thought Arashi would agree. "I mean, like I said, y' can borrow whatever y' want of mine t' use until we get yer stuff back."  
  
"You're a saint, Mika-chan," Arashi's still smiling. "Really. I don't know what I'd do without you."  
  
"Ah, 'm sure you'd manage," Mika says quietly. "But yer my friend, y'know, so if I can help you, I want to."  
  
"You're already helping me far more than you probably realize," he goes back to eating, Mika waiting patiently until he's done. "Shall we?"  
  
"Yeah," Mika gets up, following Arashi out of the restaurant and back onto the street. It's fully dark now, though still warm enough to be outside without a coat, and Mika inhales the fresh air and glances up at the cloudless sky. It's hard to see stars out here on the brightly-lit city streets, but where Shu lives there's a bit more open space to gaze at the heavens.  He can tell it's going to be a beautiful night.   
  
"You'll have to lead the way," Arashi murmurs, slipping his arm through Mika's and making the shorter man start. "Or is there something else you need to do?"  
  
"Nah, I was gonna go straight home after work anyway," Mika shrugs, guiding Arashi in the direction of Shu's house. The night is quiet and they don't talk much, although with Arashi the silence is never really uncomfortable, and when the other man stops him outside the door so he can send a text Mika doesn't really think anything of it. 

000

  
At least, he doesn't until the next morning when he leaves the house to find a man standing there with a bag slung over his shoulder and a pair of sunglasses hiding his eyes. He looks vaguely familiar, but Mika's always been bad with names so he can't place him exactly.   
  
He looks behind him for Arashi, who's actually _scolding_ Shu about 'you and Mika-chan both need to, like, eat properly once in a while, you know? You can't survive off of croissants.' It must be Arashi's ability to make practically everybody like him because Shu doesn't even look annoyed at the lecture, his expression neutral as he nods.     
  
The night before had been...surprisingly normal, both of them sliding into bed like they were used to it (although the sight of Arashi in a pair of his pyjamas, the pants a little too short and his shoulders filling out the shirt far better than Mika’s ever would, made him feel something he didn’t yet have a name for) and while he woke up with Arashi holding him, there hadn't been any more half-asleep kissing.   
  
He isn't sure if he should be relieved or disappointed, really, because he knows it's better if he and Arashi stay friends until they can decide if they want to try something...more...but at the same time he'd really, _really_ loved kissing Arashi and would probably take any excuse to do it again.   
  
"Izumi-chan!" Arashi rushes past Mika to practically jump on the other guy, who flails and yelps and tries rather unsuccessfully to push Arashi off of him. "You came!"  
  
"And I'm regretting it," he mutters, righting his clothing and running a hand through his silvery hair. "You're so annoying, Naru-kun. Can't you fix your own problems?" he sniffs, glancing in Shu's direction. "Itsuki," he nods in a rather impersonal way.   
  
"Sena," Shu replies with a sharp nod of his own. "Don't scare the boy."  
  
"I'm not that scary," Izumi scoffs. "I can be perfectly charming," he smiles, although it looks rather predatory, but Mika's rather amazed that he can banter with Shu and make it seem familiar.   
  
"Well, um, bye Oshi-san," Mika turns to look over his shoulder. "An' be sure to eat, 'kay? I might be home late," he adds, knowing that Shu will probably scold him for it.   
  
"I'm capable of taking care of myself," Shu replies tersely. "But if it will get you and your model friends to stop nagging me I suppose I can take the time to eat something or other."  
  
And yeah, that's as much of an agreement as Mika will ever get from Shu, but it'll do.   
  
"Come on, the train's leaving soon," Arashi grabs Mika's hand and starts running, Mika having to move his legs almost comically fast to keep up, and he can hear the other man yelling something about track club and unnecessary sweating as they skid into the station.   
  
"Here, I'm the one making you come with so I'll buy your ticket," Arashi says it in a way that lets Mika know arguing isn't going to get him anywhere, but Arashi's spending too much money on him lately and he's starting to feel a little guilty. Still, he knows it's nothing more than Arashi trying to make up for causing him trouble (not that he's been any trouble at all, of course), and just like the night before when what Mika had decided to think of as a date was really just a peace offering to ask a favor, his assumption that he'd get to spend the whole day alone with Arashi is also not turning out as he’d hoped.    
  
"Okay, but y' gotta at least lemme buy you lunch or something," he protests, waiting for Arashi to hand him the ticket before moving toward the train itself.   
  
"You're not buying me one?"  
  
"You're getting paid today," Arashi smirks. "Mika-chan's off work, so I feel worse about dragging him into my business."  
  
"Bastard," Izumi huffs and goes to buy his own ticket, and Mika's started to put the pieces together and remembers that Izumi was also in Knights...and, from what Shu had said the other day, in Shu's class, so it's no wonder they were familiar with each other. He doesn't seem like the type of person Arashi would normally hang around with, but Mika guesses if they were both models and both in the same unit they probably got to know each other pretty well regardless of how their personalities clashed.   
  
"Language, Izumi-chan," Arashi chuckles. "And I wasn't even sure you'd show up."  
  
"I thought about not coming, but I can't pass up a gig if it practically lands in my lap," he leads the way onto the train and takes a window seat.  Mika, at Arashi’s insistence, sits in the middle…even though being near Izumi is making him nervous.   
  
Still, it's better than having the aisle seat and having to deal with people rushing past him all the time.   
  
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about him sooner, Mika-chan," Arashi's hand comes to rest on his thigh and Mika relaxes under the familiar touch. "But like I said, I wasn't sure he would show, although it's a good thing he did since the one...demand the agency had for me cancelling a bunch of things with them was that I had to find replacements for some of the shoots coming up in the next couple of weeks."  
  
"And so he called the best," Izumi sniffs. "And can you stop talking about me like I'm not sitting right here? I don't see why you needed him along when you've got me."  
  
Mika sinks back into the seat as much as he can.  A tiny, distressed sound escapes his throat without him meaning it to. "It's okay, Mika-chan," Arashi whispers. "He won't hurt you."  
  
Mika isn't sure of that, not really, but he knows Arashi will keep him safe so he nods and forces himself to sit up a little.   
  
"And I brought him along for moral support. You're just...my bodyguard," Arashi shrugs, causing Izumi to let out an annoyed huff.   
  
"How can I be your bodyguard when I'm shorter than you?"  
  
"Because you're also meaner than me," Arashi replies, and Mika watches both of them closely because this is a side of Arashi he doesn't see much. It probably speaks to how well he knows Izumi, that they can trade barbs and not be offended by any of it, but Mika can see Izumi smiling a little and wonders if he needs to be a little more assertive to get any respect from the model.   
  
"Anyway, speaking of height, are you sure they won't care that I'm shorter than you?" he sweeps off his sunglasses, suddenly all-business.   
  
"There's not that much difference between us, and I think today's mostly outerwear for an upcoming autumn collection," Arashi replies. "Most of the other shoots I'll need you to fill in on they haven't done fittings for yet so it shouldn't be an issue."  
  
"And you're sure I can just take these from you? Normally I wouldn't ask but you know as well as I do how fickle the industry is and the moment somebody younger or taller or prettier comes along you get tossed aside like last week's news," he doesn't sound particularly concerned even though his words obviously are.   
  
"I realize that. But I need to take some time for myself," Arashi says firmly before smirking and reaching over to lay his hand on Izumi's leg now. "And besides, darling, we both know I'm irreplaceable."  
  
"Have you always been this annoying?" Izumi says it without any real heat, shoving Arashi's hand off of him. "And fine, don't blame me when your career tanks."  
  
"I won't, because it's not going to," Arashi hums, stretching his legs out and moving his hand back to Mika's knee. "Okay?"  
  
"Yeah. I don't do well with strangers, so 'm sorry," he addresses this to Izumi, who shrugs and crosses his arms.   
  
"It's fine. You...you were in Valkyrie, right? With Itsuki?" he sounds like trying to make casual conversation is causing him pain but he's _trying_ and Mika really appreciates it.   
  
"Yep. You know 'im?" He knows the answer, of course, but it seems like a safe topic.   
  
"We were classmates. We talked a few times, and I never quite got the whole...doll-thing with him but that little lady he carried around was cute," he half-smiles.   
  
" 's no wonder Oshi-san likes you if y' give compliments like that t' Madonee," Mika tries to sound casual and not like he's actually terrified of even making a tiny comment back to Izumi.   
  
"If that's how he treats people he likes I'd hate to see the alternative," Izumi mutters dryly and Mika laughs before he can help himself, nerves getting the best of him. "It's pretty amazing that you've put up with him for so long."  
  
"Ah, well," Mika clears his throat, getting his mirth under control. "He's not a bad guy, see, he's jes really bad at showin' his feelings honestly."  
  
"Hmm, now doesn't that sound familiar," Arashi says lightly, his eyes fixed on Izumi, which only causes the older man to sputter and eventually reply, "Shut up! Ugh, why are you so irritating?"   
  
Izumi sinks back against his seat, obviously sulking, and while Mika doesn't exactly lose all of his wariness toward him, at least he understands him a little better now. 

000

  
"This is the real reason I called you to fill in for me today," Arashi pulls a magazine out of his bag and flips open to a page, pointing to a clothing ad. Izumi regards it impassively, grunting a little in acknowledgment. 

The train ride was only a couple of hours and Arashi had ushered them both off at a station that was across the street from a large building.  He leads them in the general direction of it as he talks, so Mika figures it’s probably where this modeling gig is taking place.    
  
"That's your ex?" Izumi takes the magazine, tilting his head to the side like he's sizing the guy up. "He's gonna be there today, huh?"  
  
"Yes. So I want you to keep an eye on him," Arashi instructs, stopping outside the doors of the building and setting one hand on his hip like he's lecturing a small child - though, with Izumi's rather dismissive attitude toward everything, that comparison might not be far off. "If it looks like he's leaving or doing anything suspicious I want you to call me so that we can get out of his apartment since I wouldn't put it past him to show up even if I told him not to be there.”  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I'll watch the guy," Izumi rolls his eyes. "You're a pain in the ass, Naru-kun, but maybe I have some fond feelings toward you after all these years," he doesn't look entirely convinced of that, and especially not after Arashi jumps on him and kisses his cheek. "Ugh, gross, you're so weird!"   
  
"I'll text you when we're done and you can let us know when the shoot's over, okay?" Arashi backs off a little and Izumi nods.   
  
"Yeah," he shoulders his bag and turns to walk inside the building, giving them a last look over his shoulder. "And, you know, if you were a real petty bastard, you could always get him back by fucking somebody in his bed like he did to you. Or maybe that's just something I'd do," he shrugs, smirking a little before leaving, and Mika tries not to react to that suggestion even though it feels like his ears are burning.   
  
"He's such a crude boy," Arashi sighs, slipping his arm through Mika's like he’d done the night before. "Ready to go?"  
  
"Oh! Uh, yeah," Mika nods, deciding that if Arashi's not going to say anything about Izumi's parting words, than neither would he.  
  
…even though they’d probably be on his mind all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I don’t know how Izumi managed to make his way into this fic because I have no experience writing him, but somehow it happened. 
> 
> 2\. Thank you again to those who have commented and encouraged me, and I hope you all enjoyed the new chapter :)


	4. Chapter 4

"Does it make me seem weak if I told you that at one time I'd...imagined myself living here permanently?" Arashi asks as he unlocks the door, laughing in a rather self-deprecating way. "Ugh, it's so _stupid_ , that I'd think about a future with the first guy I ever dated."  
  
"I don't think it's stupid," Mika promises, keeping his voice light so as to not let Arashi know that, well, he might have had those thoughts too...and about somebody who _wasn't_ even his boyfriend, so that's probably far worse. "This place is nice, though," he adds, glancing around the entrance area while Arashi heads straight for the bedroom.  
  
"At least he didn't touch anything of mine," Arashi moves into the washroom and starts putting things into his bag, leaving Mika to watch until he pulls a box of condoms out of the vanity and sighs. "I mean, he obviously needs them more than I do," his voice is cold and Mika has to leave because it's all getting a little too real again.   
  
Unfortunately, leaving the bathroom brings him back to the bedroom...and the bed...the bed where Arashi's had sex...and that's really not helping his thoughts at all.   
  
"Hey, I've got some clothes to grab yet and then we can go get lunch or something. You said you were treating me, right?" Arashi puts a hand on his shoulder and Mika jumps, not expecting it. "Mika-chan?"  
  
"Yeah?" Mika asks, far too loudly, and Arashi blinks at him. "Sorry. Kinda feels like I'm intruding, y'know, since it's his bedroom and you guys've...stuff..." he trails off, wringing his hands together and probably looking sheepish.   
  
"Does that...make you uncomfortable?" Arashi asks softly, setting his fingers gently under Mika's chin and lifting his head until their eyes met. "I'm sorry."  
  
"It...no," he shakes his head. "I dunno," he admits, pulling away because he can't stand to see Arashi giving him that sympathetic look again, the one that says he feels bad that Mika's never had any sort of relationship experience. He goes to look out the window, nearly jumping out of his skin again when Arashi hugs him from behind.   
  
"Talk to me, honey," Arashi murmurs softly. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothin'," Mika says, but he leans back against Arashi anyway, not wanting him to let go yet. "Guess I'm still kinda angry thinkin' about what that guy did t' you, after..."  
  
"Well, as I've learned, sex doesn't mean much to some people," he sniffs. "And thinking back, he wasn't even that good of a lover. I guess I _was_ just a warm body to him," he sighs dramatically, his nose pressed into Mika's hair.   
  
"That's shitty, y'know? Like, yer so beautiful, if it was me I'd be worshipin' you if we ever...uh..." he blushes and stops talking. "Yeah."  
  
"I think it would be a very different experience with you," Arashi admits. "And probably a much better one."  
  
"I doubt it. I wouldn't know what I was doin'," Mika grumbles, hearing Arashi chuckle softly into his ear.  
  
"That doesn't matter, Mika-chan," he promises, letting go of Mika and moving toward the bed. "Maybe Izumi-chan was onto something," he murmurs and Mika stammers out something that's supposed to be a protest but doesn't really come out as actual words. "Not that we should...I did promise I'd think about it before asking you again, but we can make him _believe_ we did something, right?" he winks.   
  
"You...what?" Mika blinks, rather thoroughly confused now.   
  
"Come, Mika-chan," Arashi holds out his hand and Mika feels powerless to do anything but obey, letting the other man pull him down onto the bed...the bed he'd had sex in, Mika reminds himself...and tug him closer. "You want to just...roll around and mess up the sheets a little?"  
  
"When did'ja get so naughty, Naru-chan?" he teases, his laughter turning into a yelp of surprise when Arashi shifts so Mika ends up flat on his back with Arashi hovering over him. "Hey!"  
  
"Mm, I blame it on Izumi-chan's influence," he kicks his legs out a bit, tangling the sheets in them. "Mika-chan, do you...really think I'm beautiful?" he asks softly then, suddenly serious.   
  
"Uh, yeah. Yer prob'ly the most beautiful person I've ever seen," he says honestly, lifting one hand and letting his fingers slide through Arashi's hair. "I wouldn't lie about that."  
  
"If I asked you again, would you say yes?" he says it almost in a whisper and Mika doesn't need to ask what he's talking about because he _knows_ , so he nods slowly. "I'm...asking you," he looks nervous now. "I know it probably seems selfish and desperate..."  
  
"Naru-chan," Mika swallows, trying to calm himself down because his heart's suddenly started pounding way too fast. "Can you wait until tonight? I mean, uh, bein' where we are now might be influencin' what yer feelin'," he adds.   
  
"No, you're right," Arashi moves back quickly, sitting with his legs hanging off of the bed and dropping his head into his hands. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be," Mika sits up. "I'm jes...kinda nervous, y'know? Uh, I mean, I don't..." he bites his lip and looks at the blankets, realizing that things are about to get a _lot_ more difficult.   
  
"Don't what?" Arashi turns around to look at him. "I told you that having experience doesn't matter to me."  
  
" 's not that. Or not just that," Mika amends. "I like bein' covered up, y'know? I guess I never really thought about it before but I'd hafta be naked if we did stuff."  
  
"Darling," Arashi chuckles softly. "You're stunning. I promise my opinion won't change once your clothes are off," he slides onto the bed a little and lies back. "Come here."  
  
"Okay," Mika lies down beside him, turning onto his side so they're facing each other. "What is it?"  
  
"Tell me if this is okay," Arashi's hand lands on his hip and Mika waits, barely breathing as Arashi pushes his shirt up a little and slides a hand under the fabric, his fingers spreading over Mika's stomach.   
  
His hand is warm but to Mika it feels almost like a brand on his skin, searingly hot against his pale flesh. His breath stutters when he exhales, trying to calm himself down because Arashi's barely touching him and he's already flustered.   
  
Mika turns his face into the pillow, his own arm draping over Arashi's waist to hopefully let him know it's okay even if he doesn't trust his voice right now.   
  
"You're adorable," Arashi sounds amused, but not like he's really teasing. "Oh, Mika-chan, you have no idea how pretty you are."  
  
Mika still doesn't look up, but more than ever he knows that he can't let this chance pass by him. Whatever the consequences, getting to be with Arashi at all is more important than anything else.   
  
"I wanna do this," he mumbles into the pillow. "Once we get back, I mean."  
  
"Good," Arashi slides his hand away and Mika lets out a little groan of protest. "See, I think you'll get used to being touched pretty quickly."  
  
"If it's you, yeah," he replies, hearing the bed shift and then Arashi was hugging him, his long body curled around Mika's own. "I don' like bein' touched much, but yer an exception," he mumbles.   
  
"Does this mean I can stay over again tonight?" Arashi asks lightly. "I'll complain less since I'll have my products with this time."  
  
"Uh. Yeah. You can stay," Mika kind of squeaks because this time Arashi staying over has far more loaded implications and he doesn't want to consider those too closely right now.   
  
"Great," he sits up, stretching his arms over his head. "Mm, we should get going, though. I don't want to overstay my welcome," he grins and messes up the sheets a little more before standing.   
  
Mika watches him put a few more clothes into his bag before he closes it, slinging it over his shoulder and looking back at the bed.   
  
"Now, how about that lunch you promised me?"  
  
"Yeah," Mika hurriedly gets up, trying to hide his nerves as he leads the way out of the apartment. Arashi looks at the key he'd used to get in, biting his lip before leaning to slide it under the entrance mat.   
  
"I don't need it anymore," he says firmly, giving Mika a smile as he heads off down the hallway, and Mika doesn't know if he should be feeling _proud_ or not but he kind of is anyway.   


000

  
If Arashi notices how nervous he is for the rest of the day, he doesn't mention it, and neither does Izumi except for a cursory, "so did you guys fuck or not?" delivered with a rather lewd smirk that would have had Mika feeling uncomfortable even if he'd have had no feelings toward Arashi at all. 

Luckily Arashi takes over for him, swatting Izumi's shoulder and berating him with a pointed, "Ew, you're so gross, Izumi-chan. You know a girl like me has more class than that," before turning smartly on his heel and walking onto the train. 

"That'd be a no, then, or else he'd be a lot happier," Izumi grumbles, his sharp eyes turning to Mika, and the younger man really wishes he would have hurried onto the train after Arashi instead of dawdling. "Look, he's annoying as hell, but even _he_ doesn't deserve somebody who treats him like shit so I've got no respect for the bastard who hurt him," he keeps staring at Mika before boarding and Mika’s starting to wonder if that was some sort of threat. 

Knowing Izumi, it probably was, but whether that means he knows Mika's feelings are more than friendly or if he just likes making people squirm isn't really clear. 

Either way, Mika doesn't like it much, but since he'd never hurt Arashi...not on purpose, anyway...he probably doesn't need to worry.

Or at least, he hopes he doesn't.  


000

  
"Are you sure about this?" Arashi comes out of the shower, once again with only Mika's towel wrapped around his waist, and Mika thinks that it's a pretty unfair question to ask given the current circumstances. 

So he nods, biting his lip and trying to look confident when he moves his eyes up Arashi's body. It's impossible, and he knows he's failing miserably, but now that things are so imminent he can't help but feel more inadequate than ever next to somebody as perfect as Arashi. 

"Mika-chan?" Arashi asks softly, moving closer to the bed. "If you don't want to that's still okay."

"I want to," he sighs. "I jes have no idea what I'm doin' and I dunno if..." he groans, because he doesn't even know why he's hesitating anymore.  "I'm gonna be awful and yer gonna hate it."

"I doubt I could hate anything you did," Arashi promises, his tone gentle. "If you're really worried about that, then let me take the lead tonight, okay? But I don't have any expectations, you know."

"Yeah. Uh. Okay," he nods. "Should I take my clothes off?"

"I could do it for you, if you'd rather," Arashi's voice is low and Mika nods again, dropping his hands to his sides. 

"Uh...where should I go?" he shifts on the bed a little and Arashi straddles his lap, making him yelp. "Here?"

"Well, you can't really take your clothes off lying down," Arashi points out, his hands sliding under the hem of Mika's shirt and pulling it up a bit. "Lift your arms for me," he murmurs. Mika hesitates for another few seconds before complying, squeezing his eyes shut so he doesn't have to see the look of disappointment on Arashi's face when his shirt is finally off. 

He shivers when the cold air of the room hits his bare skin, but Arashi doesn't say anything and eventually Mika cracks his eyes open the tiniest amount to see what the problem is. 

"Uh... 's it okay?" he mumbles, looking down at himself. 

"Now you can lie down," Arashi's fingers press against his shoulder, moving him back a little. Mika does the rest himself, lying on his back and resisting the urge to cross his arms over his chest. To his surprise, all Arashi does is lie down mostly on top of him, his arms propped on Mika's body so that he can rest his chin on them and look at Mika more easily. 

"Wh-what're you doin'?" he asks, his voice shaking noticeably. 

"You're not ready for this, honey. Don't try to lie to me," he adds when Mika opens his mouth to do just that. "It's okay."

"No, 'm fine," Mika promises. "This is supposed t' be fer you to forget about this guy, right? So if y' hafta baby me that's not helpin' at all," he closes his eyes, feeling like an utter failure because he can't even have _sex_ with somebody right. He really _is_ useless. "Jes do whatever y' want."

"You know, what would make me forget the most is being with somebody who doesn't remind me of him at all," Arashi's voice is even and calming. "And you're already that, so I don't need anything else."

"You what?" Mika blinks. "I thought y' just wanted to fuck."

"Well, I'm not going to lie and say that hadn't crossed my mind, but we can work up to that," he chuckles. "This is supposed to be fun, right? No feelings or expectations, just whatever we want."

Mika resists the urge to grimace at the 'no feelings' thing because he's already failed that, but if Arashi's okay with moving at his pace he's not going to turn him down. 

"Yeah, I guess," he concedes. " 'm just really messed up, y'know, I dunno why you'd wanna bother with me at all."

"Because you're so special, Mika-chan," Arashi promises, his fingers tapping lightly against Mika's collarbone. "And I want you to believe that."

"I dunno if that's possible anymore," Mika doesn't mean to sound as bitter and hopeless as he does but he's spent so much of his life believing he's good for nothing that he doubts Arashi can help no matter how good his intentions are. "I'm real sorry, Naru-chan..."

"Sorry? For what?" Arashi blinks, looking confused. 

Mika swallows and feels a burning behind his eyes that means he's close to breaking down, and that's the _last_ thing he wants. Arashi probably already thinks he's a failure at this and crying would only make it worse. 

"Hey, it's okay," Arashi moves up a little, bracing his hands on either side of Mika's body and leaning to kiss him. Mika's first instinct is to cling to Arashi and he doesn't stop himself, his arms clutching at him and pulling him closer. 

He's not really _crying_ but his chest aches and he feels like he's drowning under the weight of all of his emotions. Arashi is just...warmth and light and everything he's not, and it's so wrong that he'd even waste a second of his time on somebody like Mika. 

"Mika-chan, calm down.  It’s okay," Arashi's voice sounds a little choked.  They’re not even really kissing anymore, just kind of breathing each other in. "You're safe with me."

Mika nods, because he knows that so well by now. He tries to get his breathing under control, tries to keep his body from shaking like he's going to break apart, and eventually he calms down a little. 

"So-"

"Don't even think of apologizing. There's nothing to be sorry for," Arashi murmurs, cutting him off with another kiss. He pulls away quickly, and Mika thinks that his own eyes look too bright but maybe that's just a trick of the light because there's no way Arashi would ever cry for _him._ "Feeling better?"

"Yeah. Thanks," he loosens his arms a little so he's not holding Arashi so tightly. "That was...uh..."

"You've been needing to let that out for a long time, huh?" Arashi doesn't look like he's judging at all. 

"Prob'ly, yeah," Mika admits with a heavy sigh. "Uh, can I keep holding you?"

"Of course," Arashi smiles. "I'm just glad if I'm helping."

"Y' are," Mika promises with a tiny nod, closing his eyes and snuggling closer to Arashi. 

"Don't feel bad, okay?" Arashi rubs his back. "You know, two nights ago I was the one breaking down and you were there for me, right? So it's not any different. We're both here for each other," he murmurs softly into Mika's ear, and while the words aren't really something Mika can pay attention to right now, the intention still gets across in Arashi's gentle tone and soft touches. 

He doesn't say anything, not even sure what's going on with his thoughts and emotions but he knows that it's okay and that Arashi isn't going to pressure him or make him do anything he doesn't want to. 

"You want to sleep? We've had a long day," Arashi stretches a little, letting go of Mika long enough to reach and turn the light off. "Should I put some clothes on?"

"Not if you don't wanna," Mika moves back and sits up, bringing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. "I've gotta figure some things out, though," he doesn't mean to say that out loud but of course, like everything else in his life, he messes that up too. 

"Mika," Arashi sounds more serious than Mika's ever heard him, and that he doesn't use his normal affectionate '-chan' for Mika's name is rather telling. Mika glances at him, the moonlight coming through the window bright enough that he can still see. "I want you to know that...I'm not trying to fix you. Whatever you need to think about or work out, I'm going to help if I can, but you need to want it for yourself."

"I know," he swallows and reaches out to touch Arashi's shoulder. "I really want this. And maybe I'm jes not used to bein' able t' do what I want because I was so worried about other people findin' me useful, but...I wanna try. With you."

"That's all I wanted to hear," Arashi promises, shifting closer and laying one hand on Mika's stomach. "And I didn't say it before, but seeing you without a shirt on is definitely not disappointing," he adds lightly, and Mika somehow finds it in himself to smile. 

"I feel okay," he lies down, heaving a sigh. "I mean, not okay about everythin', but okay right now," he amends. 

"Good," Arashi runs his hand gently up Mika's chest, his long fingers just exploring. "Are you okay with me touching you like this?"

"Uh-huh. 'S nice," Mika hums, thinking absently that this could be _so easy_ if he'd let it. 

He doesn't know if he can, really, since it seems like something always comes along to mess it up, but he's going to try. 

For Arashi...but also for himself, and that's not something he says a lot, but maybe he can be a _little_ selfish this time. 

Because maybe, just maybe, he deserves some happiness of his own. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out rather differently than I had originally intended, mostly because after seeing translations of parts of the latest event I’ve realized that Mika would probably need to move a lot more slowly than I had first thought and rushing into things didn’t feel right. I talked about it a bit on my [twitter](http://twitter.com/_mikarashis) (shameless plug) and got some positive reactions to the snippets of this chapter I posted, so thank you to those who reassured me :) And of course thank you to everybody who’s left kudos and/or commented!


	5. Chapter 5

Mika decides the next morning that, after three days of doing it, he could easily wake up next to Arashi for the rest of his life. He doesn't know why, necessarily, but even asleep, just being near Arashi just makes him feel safe and comfortable. He knows he has to get up and go to the bakery soon but he can't bring himself to move.   
  
Arashi sighs in his sleep, turning onto his side and tangling the sheet around his legs, and Mika realizes that the towel he'd had around his waist had come undone at some point in the night and wasn't really covering much of anything now.  
  
He tries not to look, keeping his eyes up and wondering why he's so afraid of this since, technically, Arashi doesn't have anything he hasn't seen before, but somehow not having that flimsy piece of fabric covering him makes it seem far too intimate.   
  
"If you want to touch me, you can," Arashi says then, voice sleep-rough and pitched low.   
  
"I, uh, didn't think y' were up yet," Mika squeaks, holding his hands close to his body and curling up a little. "Y' can sleep more if y' want but I'll hafta get up soon t' get ready."  
  
"Mm, I'm not going no to keep you from your job, but I want you to stay," Arashi smiles fondly at him. Mika tries to work up his nerves, telling himself that it's really not a big deal, and touches his fingertips lightly to Arashi's hip.   
  
"Uh..."  
  
"Just trust yourself," Arashi says quietly, stretching his long body out and looking at Mika expectantly. "I trust you, you know."  
  
"Naru-chan, I..." he breathes out slowly, his eyes straying to the clock on the bedside table as if looking for an excuse. He doesn't find one there, since it's early enough that he can afford to waste a little time, and at this point there's really nothing else he can stall with. "What d'you want me to do?"  
  
"Well," Arashi drew out the word, clicking his tongue. "You've touched yourself, right?"  
  
"Uh...yeah, a bit," Mika mumbles, because it's not something he's spent a lot of time on other than when he wants to relieve some tension. He's never really put any thought into making it feel _good_ , necessarily, so he doesn't really want to do that to Arashi since it probably won't be very enjoyable.   
  
"Then you already know what to do," Arashi gives him a rather cheeky grin before rolling onto his back, and Mika can't stop himself from looking this time. And not that he's any sort of expert on things like...dicks...but he's pretty thoroughly convinced by now that every inch of Arashi's body is perfect. "I mean, for the record, I'm naked in your bed. I know a lot of people who would give _anything_ to have that," he winks and while Mika knows that Arashi's not quite that vain, he's trying to lighten the mood…and, well, he has a point.  
  
He _is_ naked in Mika's bed, and it would be a real shame to waste an opportunity like this.   
  
"Mi-ka-chan," Arashi sing-songs and Mika blinks at him. "Kiss me."  
  
And yeah, that he can do, so he shifts a little and leans in, pressing his lips to Arashi's gently. Arashi hums into his mouth, one hand reaching to cup the back of Mika's neck and holding him in place.   
  
Mika isn't sure what else he should do, at least not until Arashi grabs his wrist with his free hand and guides it down his body. Mika spreads his fingers out, resting his palm just under Arashi's navel.   
  
"Touch me. Please," Arashi whispers against his lips, tongue darting out to lick at them. Mika opens his mouth instinctively, a tiny moan slipping from his throat without him meaning it to when Arashi deepens the kiss and brushes their tongues together.   
  
He tries to clear his mind enough to remember that he's supposed to be moving his hand even though his entire focus is being taken up by the kiss, but somehow he finds the sense to slide his hand lower, fingers barely brushing Arashi's cock.   
  
Arashi's breath hitches, his hips pushing toward Mika's hand. He's half-hard already and Mika lets his fingers wrap loosely around his arousal, getting used to the feeling. It's not as daunting as he'd feared, thankfully, although he's still worried about screwing up.   
  
"See?" Arashi's voice is high and breathy. "Look what you do to me, Mika-chan," his cheeks are flushed as he shifts so he can look down at himself.   
  
Mika doesn't know what to say to that since any response would be typically self-deprecating and that would entirely wreck the mood. He feels like crying again and it's so _stupid_ because there's no reason for it, not now of all times, but his emotions are a mess lately and nothing seems to be making them better.   
  
"Honey," Arashi murmurs. "Keep touching me," he adds, pulling Mika down into another kiss. Mika closes his eyes, letting himself get lost in everything that Arashi is. He knows - he _has_ to know - that Mika's so fucking lost but that he doesn't say anything about it, that he's just offering encouragement and letting Mika find his own way…it’s more appreciated than Mika will ever be able to say out loud.   
  
He tightens his grip a little, starting to stroke Arashi slowly. His body tenses up without him meaning it to, nerves firing up again as the familiar fear of doing something _wrong_ and disappointing somebody comes back.  
  
"You're not going to hurt me," Arashi whispers against his lips, his breath catching. "I promise. I'm not that fragile," he nudges his nose against Mika's playfully and Mika somehow finds it in himself to smile.   
  
"Okay," he's the one who kisses Arashi this time, hearing the other man hum against his lips, and he starts stroking with a little more purpose.   
  
Arashi's cock is warm and heavy in his hand, the skin smooth under his searching fingers. He rubs his thumb just under the head, watching Arashi closely to see if he's doing it right.   
  
And honestly, he never thought listening to somebody _breathe_ could be so hot. Arashi's not making much noise otherwise, but the way his breathing quickens, the way it stutters when Mika touches him a certain way, it feels intimate and _real_ and that gives Mika confidence.   
  
Because Arashi's somebody who's always carefully composed, who calculates everything he does so precisely, but he's letting himself go completely and Mika knows none of this is feigned.  
  
Arashi's arms are locked around his shoulders now, his lips barely touching Mika's and his hips bucking sporadically into Mika's grip. Mika presses his thumb into the slit, feeling wetness coating his fingers. He spreads it over Arashi's cock as much as he can, using the extra slickness to makes stroking him easier.   
  
"Fuck..." Arashi's voice trembles and he rolls onto his back, fingers clutching at the blankets like he needs to hold onto something.   
  
Mika flicks his wrist a little, watching every little reaction from Arashi, taking in every detail like he’s never going to see it again because, well, he can't take this for granted. Arashi's eyes are half-closed, his cheeks flushed with a rosy hue that travels down his chest and is mirrored on his leaking cock. His skin is slick with sweat, glistening in the early morning light.   
  
"Yer so gorgeous," Mika doesn't even mean to say it but he can't stop himself, and Arashi laughs shakily as his hips cant upwards again.   
  
"Mika-chan..." he gasps, clutching at the sheets so hard his knuckles are turning white. "Mika...I can't..."  
  
Mika nods, stroking a little faster and trying to coax him over the edge. He can see Arashi's entirely body tense and leans to kiss him on instinct, feeling Arashi's cock twitch in his hand before warm liquid is running over his fingers.   
  
Arashi still doesn't make any noise, though that might be because his tongue is in Mika's mouth again, but he's trembling violently enough that Mika can feel the bed shake.   
  
"Shit. Wow," Arashi breaks away, and Mika's never really heard him be so casual but maybe that just means he's too overwhelmed to do anything but react naturally.   
  
Mika slows his hand down, letting it rest on Arashi's quivering stomach. Arashi lets out a laugh that sounds so exhilarated that Mika finds himself grinning, too.   
  
"You sure you haven't done that before?" Arashi raises an eyebrow and Mika shrugs, lying down beside him and snuggling close. "Thank you."  
  
"Fer what?" Mika asks softly.   
  
"For being you," Arashi murmurs, kissing the tip of Mika's nose, and while that's kind of a non-answer Mika _thinks_ he knows what Arashi means. "Do you want me to return the favor?" he asks softly and Mika blushes, looking at the clock and sighing heavily.  
  
"Can't.  've gotta get ready fer work," he knows he's pouting but honestly, he'd been so focused on Arashi that he isn't even really hard. "But 'm glad you liked that."  
  
"Liked is an understatement," Arashi groans and stretches out a little. "I need to tell you something but it can wait, I think," he sounds serious again and Mika fears the worst. "Can you come to my house after work? I hate to keep intruding on your Oshi-san," he takes Mika's clean hand and runs his thumb over Mika's knuckles, slow and comforting.   
  
"Uh, yeah, I'll come," he nods. "Is it...somethin' bad?"  
  
"It...oh! No, not at all," Arashi sighs and shakes his head. "Just me coming to terms with how bad my relationship with my ex was."  
  
"Okay," Mika kisses him briefly before standing up. "D'you wanna clean up or c'n I use the shower?" he asks softly, and Arashi blinks at him.   
  
"You should go, if you're worried about being late," he swings his legs over the side of the bed and sits up, and Mika reluctantly teas his eyes away from Arashi so that he can go into the bathroom.   
  
He washes his hands, blushing a little again when he remembers why they're dirty in the first place, and takes his pants off before getting into the shower. He glances down at himself once he's under the spray, trying to figure out if he'd really be okay with somebody seeing him naked.   
  
It's not that he's _small_. really...at least, he doesn't think he is...but he's just so overwhelmingly _average_. Arashi's body is a work of art while he himself is just kind of scrawny and awkward-looking. And yeah, it's probably expected given that Arashi's a model and was on the track club while Mika, well, attempted to badly sew costumes in high school and hasn't worked out much past doing dance practice, but it's just one more thing that makes him feel inadequate.   
  
The outer door opening him makes him jump and even though he knows it can only be Arashi he's still nervous. "Hey, Mika-chan? I'm just going to clean up a little at the sink, okay?"  
  
"Uh, yeah. Sure," he tries to sound indifferent, glancing furtively at the bath door to make sure it's closed.  
  
There's silence after that so Mika keeps washing himself, turning off the shower and realizing that unless he wants to ask Arashi to hand him a towel and make things even more awkward he's going to have to get out soaking wet and wearing nothing.   
  
Fuck it, he decides after a few second of silence. Arashi's going to see him naked sooner or later anyway so it might as well be now.   
  
He yelps when the door opens, clapping his hands over his mouth and blinking in surprise when Arashi passes a towel through. "I kind of took yours last night," he doesn't look at Mika and Mika takes the proffered towel, trying to gather his nerves.   
  
"You can, uh, look if you want," he tries to sound confident but it comes out as more of a squeak than anything.   
  
"Oh, honey, if I look there's no way you'll get to work on time," Arashi lets out a throaty chuckle.   
  
Mika gets the towel around his waist quickly, stepping out of the bathing area and over to the sink. " 's all yours if you want it," he mumbles.   
  
"Thank you," Arashi wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him into a hug, Mika all but sinking into his arms. "If I'm not out by the time you leave, I'll see you tonight, okay?"  
  
"Yeah," Mika lets his cheek rest against Arashi's shoulder, really not wanting to let him go now. "I'll be there."  
  
"Great," Arashi kisses him briefly and then pulls back, winking at Mika before he heads into the bath.   
  
Mika shakes his head, smiling ruefully as he reaches for his toothbrush.   
  
He already knows today's going to feel extra long because he'll be waiting impatiently for work to end, but if he can spend the rest of the day with Arashi, that's all the motivation he needs.   


000

  
"Hey, Oshi-san, I might be out late tonight," he remembers to tell Shu before leaving the house, getting a rather cool look in return.   
  
"You're going with Narukami, I assume?" his voice is unreadable. "Well, do tell me if you're to be spending the night. I don't need to waste my time waiting for you to return."  
  
And Mika knows that's his way of saying he'll worry if Mika doesn't come home, since several years of living with him has made Mika pretty adept at figuring out the real meaning behind Shu's words. It doesn't mean Shu's ever going to be more honest, of course, but his words don't sting the way they used to when Mika took them all at face value.   
  
"I will,' he promises with a nod.   
  
"And Kagehira...let me know if it would be prudent to invest in some sort of white noise machine," he adds nonchalantly, never looking up from his work.   
  
"Oshi-san!" he exclaims. "That's not...we're not...I..."  
  
"That would be a yes," Shu sighs, finally looking up at Mika, but there's a tiny twinkle of amusement in his eyes that makes Mika feel a little less mortified. "Go, or you'll be late. I'm not making excuses for you again," he waves his hand dismissively and Mika nods and rushes out of the house, thinking that maybe it had been a good thing Arashi had been quiet that morning.   
  
Shu knowing what they're doing is one thing, but Shu knowing _exactly_ what they're doing and when they’re doing it is another thing altogether.   


000

  
Mika's barely gotten through the door at Arashi's when a tiny, purring ball of fur is winding her way around his ankles and he picks the cat up carefully, letting it cling to his shoulder.   
  
"Well, somebody's missed you. More than she's missed me, anyway," Arashi's leaning against the doorframe, wearing a loose-fitting sweater and workout pants and somehow even in the most casual clothing he looks stunning.   
  
"She's prob'ly jes mad that y' abandoned her fer so long," Mika replies, scratching the cat behind her ears and getting a pleased rumble.   
  
"Are you comparing yourself to my cat? Ouch, Mika-chan, you wound me," he throws an arm up over his forehead rather dramatically and Mika realizes that's probably what it sounded like even if he hadn't meant it in that way.   
  
Okay, maybe he's still a _little_ bitter about Arashi bailing on him so often over the past year, but...  
  
"You'll hafta make it up to her, I guess," he shrugs, meeting Arashi's eyes.   
  
"I will, huh? Well, I can think of a few ways to do that," he’s giving Mika an outright sultry look now.  
  
"You said y' had somethin' t' tell me first, right?" Mika walks into the entrance and kicks off his shoes, keeping the cat balanced.   
  
"Oh, that," Arashi waves his hand dismissively. "I just wanted to...tell you how much I appreciate what you're doing," he crosses his arms and hunches in on himself a little. "Not just because you don't have to, but this morning...you're such a treasure, Mika-chan, and you care about making sure I feel good."  
  
"Are you sayin' yer old boyfriend didn't?" Mika bristles, narrowing his eyes.   
  
"Not in the same way," Arashi admits softly. "He cared if I, you know, finished, but there's so much more than that," he sighs and turns around, heading in the direction of his bedroom. Mika follows quickly, still holding the cat, and he lets her jump off onto the bed once he's inside. "You made me feel special," Arashi sinks down onto the bed and reaches to scratch under her chin.   
  
"Y' are special," Mika says instantly, leaning against him. "And I'm happy if I could make y' feel that way."  
  
"You did," Arashi promises, reaching for Mika's hand and lacing their fingers together. "And I want to make you feel the same way. If you'll let me."  
  
"Yeah," Mika whispers, because no matter no nervous he is, he'll never turn that down.   
  
"Good," Arashi flops back on the bed, pulling Mika with him, and the cat decides to crawl between them and curl up with a tiny yawn. "Can I tell you something?"  
  
"Anything.  Y' know that," Mika looks at him and Arashi narrows his eyes, his lips pursed. "What?"  
  
"Take your contacts out first. I love looking at your eyes," Arashi moves the cat so Mika can stand up, which earns him a rather annoyed mewl.   
  
Mika hurries to the bathroom to wash his hands, coming back after removing the lenses and lying next to the other man again.   
  
"There's my Mika-chan," Arashi cups his cheeks and smiles at him. "And what I wanted to say was that...I took that box of condoms after all. I mean, I bought them, so he's not using my money to fuck around with other guys," he sniffs and Mika laughs without meaning to because only Arashi could get so offended over _condoms_. "Hey!" Arashi huffs, flopping on top of Mika and reaching to tickle his sides.   
  
"Naru-chan!" he protests weakly through his laughter, trying to push Arashi off of him without much success.   
  
"Kiss me and I'll stop," Arashi smirks, and well, Mika can't really turn that one down so he does, still laughing.   
  
It's kind of amazing how natural it feels to be like this with Arashi, and he knows it won't last forever, but right now...  
  
Right now, he doesn't really care, because everything is perfect and he's going to hold onto it for as long as he possibly can.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Yes, even when I try to make things smutty these two still end up bringing fluff into it somehow. I don’t have much else to say here but thank you to everybody’s who’s commented on the fic here or talked to me on twitter; your encouragement means a lot :)


	6. Chapter 6

"Mika-chan."  
  
"Huh?" Mika blinks his eyes open, a little confused as to why the room is dark. Apparently he's fallen asleep, which is rare enough by itself since he normally has trouble sleeping even at night when he's supposed to be.    
  
"Did you eat dinner yet?" Arashi's hand is gently caressing his stomach under his shirt, and Mika wonders absently just how long he's been awake and doing that. "Does that feel okay?"  
  
"Y-yeah," he mumbles, swallowing heavily. "It always feels good when y' touch me," he blushes, hearing Arashi's soft laughter in response.   
  
"Good. It's supposed to," he murmurs, leaning closer and pressing his lips to Mika's neck. Mika tilts his head to the side, giving him better access. "You didn't answer my question," Arashi's voice is gentle and soothing. His hand slides a little lower, long fingers tucking just under the waistband of Mika's work pants.   
  
"Uh..." Mika's having a rather hard time remembering what the question even _was_ with what Arashi's doing to him. "Um...I had some pastries..."  
  
"You know that's not what I meant," Arashi's breath is hot on his neck, lips leaving little wet trails as he kisses along Mika's jaw.   
  
"That's all I ate," Mika admits, a whine slipping from his throat when Arashi pulls back. "Naru-chan..."  
  
"You really liked that, huh?" Arashi looks rather pleased.   
  
"Nn," Mika can't really deny it, especially with the way his body had reacted, but now that Arashi's just staring at him again it's embarrassing.   
  
"Well, I'd hate to be a selfish lover, so how about if I...give you a little appetizer...you promise to eat something after?" he asks, his hand moving even lower.   
  
"Uh...wh-what d'you have in mind?" Mika squeaks, his voice coming out a lot higher than he would have liked.   
  
"Well," Arashi draws out the word, giving Mika a rather sultry smirk. "Would you let me blow you?"  
  
And Mika thinks his brain must have short-circuited in that moment because there's _no way_ Arashi would offer to do that to _him_ of all people. Maybe...maybe he's hallucinating out of hunger or something? Anything would make more sense than what had apparently just happened, after all.  
  
He realizes he hasn't actually said anything in response and somehow manages to mumble a half-hearted, "Y' don' hafta do that, Naru-chan..."  
  
"Of course I don't have to," Arashi drops a quick kiss onto his lips. "But I want to. If you're okay with that," he adds, and Mika takes a deep breath before nodding. "Let me find those condoms..." he moves away and Mika sits up a little to watch him.  
  
"Uh...d'you not wanna..."  
  
"Of course I do," Arashi comes up with the box and tosses it onto the bed. "And I was always safe, but if he was fooling around with other guys...well, I don't want to risk anything, you know?" he grimaces. "I can get tested if you want..."  
  
"N-no, that's fine," Mika doesn't know why he's protesting, but since this isn't supposed to be serious, it's probably best that he is. "Save it fer when yer with somebody yer actually datin'," he adds, and maybe he imagines it, but Arashi looks almost...disappointed for about half a second before his expression becomes carefully neutral again.   
  
"Yeah, that's probably the best idea," he agrees, voice far too cheery. "But if I didn't have to worry I definitely would want to," he promises, and Mika believes him.   
  
Of course, if Arashi's mouth actually _was_ directly on his cock, he'd probably last less than a second, so it might actually be less embarrassing this way.    
  
"Should I, uh, get undressed?" Mika asks, starting to unbutton his work shirt.   
  
"If you'd rather I just pull your pants down, I can work with that," Arashi lays a hand on his wrist, stilling his movement. "I just want you to be comfortable."  
  
"I'll be okay," Mika steels his resolve, keeping his voice as steady as he can. "I mean, y' saw me shirtless already, so...there's not much left if yer gonna see my, y'know, anyway..."  
  
"Let me, then," Arashi reaches out, deftly undoing the buttons. He leans closer, spreading Mika's open shirt to the sides and kissing down the skin that's bared as he goes. Mika bites his lip, trying not to make any sound, because this feels really... _intimate_ , somehow, and he doesn't want Arashi to see just how badly it's affecting him. "Is this okay?" he looks up then, eyes wide and concerned, and all Mika can do is nod. "Good."  
  
He keeps going, moving so slowly that it feels like the sweetest torture imaginable. Mika's hands flutter awkwardly, wanting to touch, and eventually he settles them on Arashi's shoulders.   
  
Arashi presses a last kiss to his stomach, drawing back a little. "Can I take your pants off?"  
  
"Y-yeah," Mika takes a shuddery breath, sitting up enough to slide the shirt off entirely. "D-d'you mind, uh..." he gestures vaguely at Arashi's sweater and the other man laughs and pulls it off, tossing it to the side.    
  
"Better?"  
  
"Kinda feels weird if yer still wearing clothes," he admits softly, resisting the urge to cross his arms and cover himself.   
  
"Hey, don't ever be afraid to tell me if you want something," Arashi gently tilts his head up and kisses him, lingering a little longer than he probably needs to. Mika sighs against his lips, arms coming up to wrap around Arashi's shoulders and pulling him in closer. He can feel Arashi's free hand working at his pants, finally getting the button undone and pulling the zipper down.   
  
"Can I touch you?" Arashi murmurs, tongue darting out to lick at Mika's lips.   
  
"Yeah. Y' don' hafta ask all the time," he adds, but something makes him cling to Arashi even more and the other man stops moving.   
  
"I want to be sure," he leans his forehead against Mika's and sighs. "Because you're so important to me, Mika-chan, and I just want you to feel good."  
  
Mika hides his face against Arashi's shoulder, sucking in a quick breath because Arashi can't just _say_ things like that to him. Fuck, he _really_ needs to get a better handle on himself before he ends up saying something he's going to regret.   
  
"Thanks," he finally mumbles, letting out a rather embarrassing squeak when Arashi's hand slides into his pants and cups the front of his underwear.   
  
"You're adorable, you know?" Arashi laughs, curling his fingers in and kneading a little. "Nobody's home, so feel free to be as loud as you want," he adds, and Mika's not really _planning_ on being loud but if it keeps feeling this good he's not sure he's going to be able to help himself. "Here, let's get these off."  
  
Mika shifts a little, enough that Arashi can tug his pants and underwear down, and unconsciously squeezes his eyes shut so he doesn't have to see Arashi's reaction once he's naked.   
  
"Oh, honey," Arashi doesn't sound disappointed, at least, and Mika cracks one eye open a little. "You're so beautiful."  
  
"R-really?" he asks, somewhat sceptically. "But 'm not..."  
  
"Well, I mean, you could stand to eat a little more, but we're working on that," Arashi winks, skimming his fingers lightly up Mika's cock. A tiny whine slips from Mika's throat at that, his body shivering violently. "You've never been touched before, have you?" Arashi asks gently and Mika shakes his head, not trusting his voice. "I'm lucky, then, that you're allowing me to be the first."  
  
"Wouldn't want anybody else," Mika says before he can stop himself, but Arashi just hums in response and starts kissing down his chest again. He reaches for a condom, getting the package open, and Mika bites his lip and breathes out slowly through his nose. "C'n y' jes...I dunno...touch me a bit more first?" he asks in a tiny voice, lifting one hand to cover his eyes.   
  
"Of course," Arashi's hand wraps around his cock with more purpose this time, stroking slowly. Mika's hips arch up on instinct, pushing into the touch, and he knows he probably looks desperate. "Hey, Mika-chan?"  
  
"Yeah?" Mika takes his hand away from his face so he can look at Arashi. "What is it?"  
  
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm...guessing you're not going to last long," he smiles to take any sting out of the words, although Mika knows he's right. "I can tell that you love being touched..."  
  
"By you," he reminds Arashi, who brightens up considerably at the words.   
  
"Yes, but...I'd like to indulge you more another time, maybe when things aren't so...pressing?" he swipes his thumb over the head of Mika's cock and Mika groans, hips bucking up a little more violently this time. "Would that be okay?"  
  
"Yeah," he nods, kind of relieved that Arashi's still talking about the future. "I'd like that."  
  
"Great," Arashi reaches for the condom again, rolling it over Mika's cock and resting his hands on the other man's thighs when he's done. "Here, sit up against the headboard," he directs, so Mika scrambles into a sitting position and leans back, keeping his legs spread.   
  
" 's that okay?" he asks, feeling more than a little exposed.   
  
"Perfect," Arashi slides between his bent knees. "And if you want to grab my hair or anything, feel free," he adds casually, though Mika knows how big that is because Arashi's rather particular about his hair so that he's _offering_ to let Mika mess it up is pretty amazing.   
  
"Okay," Mika whispers, forcing himself to be calm. He still flinches when Arashi grips the base of his cock, but all of his attention becomes focused on trying not to come too quickly when Arashi slides his mouth over the very tip.   
  
And given that he can feel plenty even _with_ the condom, he can only imagine what it would be like with nothing between them.   
  
Arashi glances up at him, silently asking his permission to keep going. Mika nods, breathing out shakily as he finally reaches to tangle his fingers in Arashi's soft hair.   
  
Arashi sinks down a little farther, his eyes half-closing. He looks far happier than Mika would have imaged anybody with a cock in their mouth _could_ look, but honestly, it helps knowing that he's also enjoying this.   
  
He pulls back a little, tongue sliding along the underside of Mika's cock. Mika clutches at his hair, trying to keep his hips still, but Arashi's mouth is so _hot_ and _tight_ and _perfect_ that it's hard.   
  
"You can," Arashi lifts his head, his hand still pumping Mika slowly while he talks. "If you want to fuck my mouth, I'm okay with that."  
  
Mika's only response is to give a rather shameful half-squeak-half-moan that probably makes him sound like a deranged mouse, but when Arashi takes him in his mouth again he stays perfectly still, waiting for Mika to set the pace.   
  
"Okay, j-jes...tell me if it's too much..." he has both hands in Arashi's hair now, tugging the blond strands between his fingers. He can't really move that much sitting down, although that might be a good thing since he has no idea what he's doing.   
  
He carefully tilts his hips up, holding Arashi in place, and Arashi makes an encouraging noise around him (though really all the vibrations do is increase the sensation and Mika isn't sure that's helping right now). He pulls back, trying to find a comfortable rhythm, and starts moving his hips a little more earnestly.   
  
Arashi lets him lead, keeping his head still and wrapping his free arm under Mika's thigh so his hand is resting along Mika's hip. It's a comforting touch, though Mika's guessing the real reason for it is so that Arashi can anticipate his movements.   
  
"N-Naru-chan," he whines, toes curling into the sheets as his hips drive deeper. Arashi murmurs something around his cock, sucking a little harder, and Mika knows that despite his best efforts this is going to be over sooner rather than later.   
  
Arashi pulls off with a gasp, lips red and used and eyes looking a little glassy. "Are you close?" his voice is low and rough and Mika shivers at the sound, tugging him in again. "I want to..." Arashi pushes himself up, rolling the condom off with shaking hands and leaning in to kiss Mika rather roughly while he starts to stroke him.   
  
Mika lets out a moan into his mouth, clinging to Arashi's shoulders and rolling his hips up into the other man's hand. "Naru-chan..." he pants. "Can't...'m gonna..."  
  
"Yeah. Whenever you need to," Arashi connects their mouths again, pressing his thumb under the head of Mika's cock and making his whole body shudder.   
  
His orgasm seems to hit him out of nowhere, making him yelp as his entire body goes rigid and his eyes roll back. Arashi keeps stroking him, his hand gradually slowing until Mika makes a disgruntled noise since at this point even the slightest touch makes his nerves feel like they're on fire.   
  
"Sensitive?" Arashi sounds amused, kissing his forehead and holding him close. "You look so gorgeous when you come, Mika-chan. Thank you for sharing that with me," he whispers, and Mika just kind of groans because forming words seems like too much work right now.   
  
Arashi lets his hand rest on Mika's stomach, nuzzling at his neck and pressing soft kisses there until Mika feels a little more like himself and not quite so boneless and out of it. "Uh. That was..."  
  
"Good?" Arashi sounds hopeful and Mika nods quickly. "Good," he props himself up on his elbow, looking down at Mika with a rather fond expression. "I really love you, you know."  
  
Mika feels his heart skip a beat before remembering that Arashi doesn't mean it _like that_ , but there's no reason he can't pretend for a few minutes while he's basking in the afterglow. "Love you, too," he promises, turning and wrapping his arms around Arashi's waist. "D'you need..."  
  
"I'm good," he promises. "And you need to eat. So how about you clean up a little and I'll bring you dinner in bed," he suggests, and Mika nods, reluctantly letting him go. Arashi leans in to nuzzle their noses together before hopping out of bed and leaving the room.  Mika snuggles against the pillow for a few seconds until the cooling mess on his stomach starts getting uncomfortable and he decides to head into the bathroom to wash off.   


000

  
Arashi's still not back by the time he comes out, so he pulls his underwear back on and lies back on the bed. It feels...domestic, kind of, to be in Arashi's bed waiting for him to come back with food, and it's probably a mistake to keep thinking like that...but for one night, he'll imagine that it's how things could always be. 

"Mi-ka-chan! Dinner!" Arashi pushes his way past the door, carrying two plates that he sets onto the dresser. He's still shirtless, his pants slung low on his hips and his hair a tousled mess from Mika's hands, but Mika thinks that he's never looked more beautiful. "It's just leftovers, but it'll do," he laughs, bringing one plate to hand to Mika and going back for the other. "Oh, I'll grab some water, too," he winks and leaves again, and Mika looks down to see some sort of curry over rice. 

It looks and smells delicious, though, and he's actually kind of hungry now, but he waits for Arashi to get back before he starts. 

"Mm," Arashi sits beside him, nudging their shoulders together and leaning close. "Can you stay tonight?"

"Yeah, I told Oshi-san I might be," he nods, taking a bite and sighing because it tastes amazing. "Thanks fer the food."

"Of course. Nobody else is around to eat it so there's no sense in letting it go to waste, right?" Arashi shrugs, crossing his legs and starting to eat. 

The cat decides to come in again at that moment, sniffing at Mika's plate before turning her nose up and going to curl in a ball at the foot of the bed. 

"She's fussy like her owner," Arashi chuckles, prompting Mika to grin as well, and they eat in comfortable silence for a while. "Oh, you work tomorrow, right?" Arashi asks while he scooping up the last of the rice from his plate. 

"Yeah. Why?"

"One of those shoots I can't get out of is scheduled," he wrinkles his nose. "It's down by the beach here which is why I guess they still want me to do it, but _he's_ supposed to be there."

"I c'n see if I c'n get it off..." Mika feels a stab of anger at even the mere mention of this guy's presence and he tries to calm himself down. 

"I'll make Izumi-chan come," Arashi reaches to take his hand, giving him a thin smile, and while Mika still wishes it could be him there...that makes him feel better. He's still kind of scared of Izumi, honestly, but he knows the older man will look out for Arashi and that's all the reassurance he needs. "Nothing's going to happen, but I still like knowing I have somebody on my side close."

"Yeah," Mika agrees, setting his plate to the side and leaning against Arashi. He yawns and Arashi presses a kiss into his hair, slipping an arm around him to hold him steady. 

"Tired?"

"A little. Don't think I've ever come that hard before," his voice is slurring a bit and he blinks, trying to keep his eyes open. 

"I'll take that as a compliment," Arashi laughs brightly. "You want to watch TV or something? If you fall asleep on the couch I promise to cuddle you," he teases and Mika manages to push himself upright. 

"I dunno if I c'n take that kinda punishment, Naru-chan," he slides out of bed, squawking when Arashi scoops him into his arms bridal-style and carries him into the living room. 

Mika forgets how strong Arashi is sometimes, and it's not like he weighs a lot, but Arashi barely seems to be affected at all. 

"There we go," he settles Mika carefully on the sofa and grabs a blanket, wrapping it around both of them and only sticking his hand out long enough to grab the remote. Mika gets as close as he can, his head leaning on Arashi's shoulder. "I'm really glad it's you, Mika-chan."

"Huh?" Mika doesn't know what he means, and he looks up curiously. 

"If...I might never know how things would have turned out if I'd have been honest and open with my ex, but even though I'm not over what happened yet, I'm glad that I can share this with you," he explains, and Mika nods without saying anything because he's getting emotional again and it's really not the time for that. 

"I'm glad, too," he promises, lacing his fingers with Arashi's. 

And it's probably awful of him to think it, but he’s almost... _happy_ things turned out the way they did because he might never have gotten to be with Arashi at _all_ otherwise. 

He knows that he's lucky, incredibly so, and that's why when this all inevitably falls apart...well, he's not going to complain, because it's more than he could have ever wished for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I'm sorry for the wait on this chapter! It was a combination of me reading the Lionheart translation and getting slammed by Leo/Izumi feels that I needed to get out in fic form and that this chapter gave me a lot of trouble because I kept getting...weirdly emotional while writing it and had to stop a bunch of times so I hope it reads okay despite that.
> 
> 2\. As always, thank you so much for the support I've been getting for this fic! I hope you all continue to enjoy it :)


	7. Chapter 7

"Mika-chin!"   
  
"Nazuna-nii!" Mika laughs as the smaller man almost barrels into him, blond hair in disarray.   
  
It's been a while since they've seen each other, especially with Nazuna being off at school, but Mika still tries to keep in touch and over the years their rather rocky relationship post-Nazuna-leaving-Valkyrie has smoothed out considerably. Mika understands why he did it now, and even though he would have never been able to do the same since his loyalty toward Shu was far too great, it was the best thing for Nazuna.   
  
"So, you said you had to talk to me?" Nazuna tugs him to a table in the mall food court, sitting down and waiting for Mika to take the chair on the other side. "How can I help?"  
  
"Uh..." Mika doesn't exactly know how to word it, but he wants to talk to somebody about this and Nazuna's the only he can think of that will be both a sympathetic ear and be far enough removed from the people involved that he'll offer Mika honest advice. "Well, I guess the easiest way t' put it is that...I've got...feelings...fer a friend, and I'm worried that if I tell 'em it'll freak 'em out and they'll jes decide t' avoid me completely."  
  
"Huh," Nazuna blinks. "Well. I don't really have any experience with that, but do you think they won't be okay with your feelings?" he asks, causing Mika to shrug.   
  
"Sometimes I think he actually...shit," he blushes, because he'd been intending to not give anything away about who he's talking about and he's already kind of ruined that. "Ferget I said that, okay?"  
  
"Why? Because your friend is a guy?" Nazuna's smiling. "It doesn't matter to me, Mika-chin."  
  
"Oh. Good," Mika nods quickly. He didn’t think that Nazuna would judge him, of course, but apart from Shu kind of guessing he’s never told anybody about his feelings toward Arashi and saying them out loud just makes it all more _real_ somehow.  "But yeah, sometimes he'll say or do somethin' that makes me think he might feel the same, but I dunno," he admits, tapping his fingers on the tabletop. "I just don't wanna mess up what we have, y'know? Plus he jes kinda he a bad breakup so..."  
  
"So you're worried if you say something and he accepts your feelings, it'll just be because you're a safe rebound," Nazuna nods, glancing down at the table and looking thoughtful. "Well, Mika-chin, that's kind of a tough situation."  
  
"I know," Mika bites his lip and sighs. "That's why I need advice."  
  
"Mm, I'm not sure how much I can help," Nazuna looks apologetic. "Obviously keeping him as a friend is important to you, right?"  
  
"Yeah. I don't wanna lose him," Mika says softly, looking off to the side. "A-and, uh, I kinda...we kinda have a... _thing_ goin' on," he mumbles, since this is the most embarrassing part of the whole story.   
  
"Oh," Nazuna blinks slowly before narrowing his red eyes, looking half-thoughtful and half-wary. "I can see how this could get messy."  
  
"Yeah. I prob'ly shoulda told him before, y'know, but I was so...gettin' the chance t' be with him at all was better than nothin', but now I dunno if he's startin' to feel the same way or if it's just 'cuz I agreed so easy and he thinks I'm not gonna cheat the way his ex did," Mika still doesn't make direct eye contact, too afraid of what he'll see if he does.   
  
Nazuna probably thinks he's pathetic, after all.   
  
"Well," he starts, drawing out the word and tilting his head to the side. "I think, in the end, you owe him the truth. If he really wants to end your friendship after this, then that tells you what sort of guy he is in the first place and he's not worth shedding even a single tear over. But I also think you need to make it clear that, if he thinks he might return your feelings, he needs to make sure they're real and that he's just not taking advantage of you."  
  
Mika sighs heavily, nodding, because that's about what he'd figured out himself and while hearing it from Nazuna makes his own decision a little clearer, it doesn't make it any easier to actually think about _doing_ it.   
  
"I don't think you have that much to worry about, though," Nazuna reaches out and takes his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "Arashi-chin would never want to hurt you, after all."  
  
"Huh?" Mika's eyes widen and he looks up in shock. "H-how did you..."  
  
"Call it a hunch," Nazuna grins. "I was always happy back in high school that you had a friend like him, you know? Especially when we weren't on the best of terms," he adds softly and Mika thinks that most of that was probably his fault for being too stubborn and not considering Nazuna's feelings about everything that had happened. "And, you know, it's hard to blame you for falling for him."  
  
"He's beautiful," Mika mumbles, slapping a hand over his mouth because he hadn't meant to say that out loud. "Uh."  
  
"I don't think anybody could disagree," Nazuna laughs, still holding Mika's hand and smiling at him. "Be honest with him and with yourself, Mika-chin. If you're not, things are definitely going to fall apart at some point even if you try your hardest to make sure they don't."  
  
"Yeah," Mika knows what he has to do now, and he decides he's going to talk to Arashi as soon as he can before things go too far for them to go back to the way they were.   
  
Losing what they have is going to hurt, but in the end, it's better than losing Arashi altogether.   
  
"Good. It'll work out," Nazuna seems so sure of this and even though Mika's not nearly as certain, he smiles back and tries to look as confident as he can.   
  
He jumps a little when his phone vibrates, feeling his heart start to pound when he sees Arashi's number.   
  
Well.   
  
This is it.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
"Hey."  
  
The voice isn't really familiar and Mika wants to hang up, but...  
  
But it was Arashi's number, so it had to be him.   
  
"Who...uh...who's this?" he asks quietly, voice trembling a little.   
  
"Izumi," he sounds bored. "Look, we had a little...incident at the shoot today. Can you come to Naru-kun's place?"  
  
"Is he okay?" Mika feels a sharp stab of fear at the words, his fingers tightening around the phone.   
  
"Yeah, he's fine. Physically," Izumi grunts, which leads Mika to believe this has something to do with his ex again and if this guy is still affecting Arashi so much...well, he's obviously not ready to move onto a new relationship yet, and that more than anything else makes up Mika's mind for him.   
  
"Should I come now?" he asks, already knowing the answer since Izumi probably wouldn’t have called otherwise.   
  
"Yeah, if you can. He needs somebody and I'm shit at comforting people," Izumi sniffs, sounding like he really doesn’t care one way or the other..   
  
"Okay. I'll be there soon," he hangs up before he has to talk to Izumi more and looks at Nazuna apologetically.   
  
"Was that him?" Nazuna asks softly, looking a little concerned.   
  
"Uh, yeah. About him," Mika clarifies. "I should..."  
  
"Go, if you need to. We can always get together another day," Nazuna hops up and moves around the table to hug him again. "Be brave, Mika-chin," he urges. "You'll both be happier in the end."  
  
"I know," Mika promises, stepping back and forcing himself to smile. "Thanks, Nazuna-nii," he says honestly, because in the end, Nazuna's probably given him the courage to actually go through with this.   
  
He still doesn't like it, of course, but there's nothing he can do about that. 

000

  
"Naru-chan?" he rushes into Arashi's bedroom, his heart clenching when he sees the other man. If anything, Arashi actually looks _worse_ than he had the first night after his ex had cheated on him. His face is pushed into a pillow and his hair is in complete disarray, body curled defensively on the bed.  
  
"Mika-chan?" he sniffles and looks up, his eyes red-rimmed and tear-bright. "Did Izumi-chan..."  
  
"He called me, yeah," Mika clears his throat and moves closer, dropping the bag with his work clothes in it on the floor and sitting down carefully on the edge of the bed.   
  
"Thank you," Arashi looks over at Izumi, who's hovering rather awkwardly in the doorway.   
  
"Yeah, yeah. Can I go now?" Izumi's voice is cold but there's something in his eyes that tells Mika he's actually worried about Arashi.   
  
"Stay?" Arashi reaches his hand out and Izumi heaves a sigh that's much too dramatic to be honest. He steps closer and lets Arashi pull him onto the bed, settling himself against the headboard with a frown.   
  
"What happened?" Mika asks, moving closer so that he's on the opposite side of Arashi from Izumi. He touches Arashi's shoulder and gets a tiny sob in response.   
  
"We knew he was gonna be there," Izumi shakes his head. "We didn't know he was going to convince everybody else that he wasn’t the one who cheated."  
  
"What?!" Mika hadn't been expecting that, but for Arashi...for Arashi, who tried to be nice and fair to everybody, who was so wary of love and of trusting people enough to let them close...it's the worst sort of betrayal and Mika's never wanted to punch somebody in the face as much as he does to this guy right now.   
  
"I should have expected it," Arashi doesn't sound like he's crying anymore, his voice almost scarily devoid of emotion. "He's older than me, he's been there longer than me, and he's probably got a lot of friends with the agency he could convince since none of them know me that well. It's my-"  
  
"It's not your fucking fault," Izumi cuts him off. "He's a shithead and that's all there is to it."  
  
"Still, I could have opened up to him more...given him no reason to think I was cold or distant, then he would never have..." he shivers and Mika wraps an arm around him, hating to see him like this more than anything.   
  
_And you're going to make it worse_ , a tiny voice in his head taunts him. _You're going to break his heart.  Again._    
  
"He still prob'ly would have, y'know?" Mika's voice sounds tiny and hoarse when he breaks in. "If he did it t' you, he's prob'ly done it to a bunch 'a people."  
  
"Maybe," Arashi doesn't sound convinced. "I just spent all day...none of them would talk to me, they all looked at me like I was disgusting and ugly and I can't..."  
  
"See if you can get in with another agency," Izumi tells him firmly. "I've got some connections so I can try to help...I owe you for keeping me in the industry back in high school anyway," he grunts, sounding like he'd rather not owe anything to Arashi, but Mika's starting to learn that's just how Izumi _is_.   
  
If he offers something or does something, it's because he wants to, no matter how much he might complain about it or pretend otherwise.   
  
"I don't want to think about any of that right now," Arashi admits. "Maybe this is all wrong, I don't..."  
  
"Yer an amazin' model, Naru-chan," Mika says honestly. "You shouldn't wanna quit just 'cuz of some idiot. He's prob'ly jealous since yer way more gorgeous than he is."  
  
"I'm not, but thank you," Arashi manages to laugh, hugging Mika around the waist and nuzzling against his stomach. "Can you stay tonight?" he asks hesitantly, and Mika pretty much knows that he has to.   
  
No matter what, he's still Arashi's friend, and right now friendship and support are what he needs more than anything.   
  
"He's average at best," Izumi says before Mika can reply one way or the other about staying over. "Guys like him are a dime a dozen. Nobody's gonna remember him by the time they turn the page."  
  
"Why, Izumi-chan, if I'd have known a few tears was all it took for you to be nice to me I would have put that information to good use long before now," he teases, and while it's not quite as bright as normal, Mika thinks that at least he must be feeling a _little_ better.   
  
"Ugh, see if I ever do anything nice for your annoying ass again," Izumi shoves Arashi's shoulder lightly, hopping off of the bed and stretching. "I've gotta run."  
  
"Mm, okay. Thanks," Arashi turns his face back into Mika's shirt, curling up halfway on top of him.   
  
"Whatever," Izumi mumbles, jamming his hands in his pockets before walking out the door.   
  
"You never answered me when I asked if you could stay," he says after a few minutes, pushing up Mika's shirt a little so he can run his thumb almost hypnotically back-and-forth over the skin just above Mika's hip.   
  
It's distracting in a way that Mika doesn't really need right now, especially given what he really came here to talk about.  
  
"Uh. Yeah, I can stay," he replies, closing his eyes and trying to force the next words he needs to say out. "There's somethin' I've gotta talk t' you about in th' mornin', though."  
  
There's a weird silence after he speaks, enough that he cracks one eye open and looks down at Arashi. The other man looks thoughtful, lips pursed, and he stops moving his hand to rest it on Mika's stomach. "I know."  
  
"Y' what?"  
  
"You want to call this off, right? This thing with me," he clarifies, and Mika hesitates for just a second too long for him to make denying it believable. In a way, it's a weight off of his shoulders, since now he doesn't have to be the one to bring it up (and more than that, as cowardly as it is, he doesn't actually have to admit his own feelings since he's _really_ not ready for that yet), but on the other hand...now that it's out there, there's no going back.   
  
"Uh..." he finally stammers, which probably isn't helpful in the least.  “I mean, it's obvious that yer still hung up on this guy, y'know? Even if yer never gonna try t' make things work again, y' can't move on unless y' let him go, and y' haven't yet."  
  
"You're right. Fuck, I'm so pathetic," Arashi pulls away and sits on the edge of the bed, dropping his head into his hands. "It's not fair to you, and you deserve so much better than what I can give you."  
  
"No, 's not pathetic," Mika shakes his head and sits up, reaching to lay a hand on Arashi's shoulder. "But I don't wanna lose you as a friend, and if yer usin' me as a safe rebound or somethin' it's not gonna turn out well."  
  
Arashi looks back at him, eyes narrowed. "Is that what you think this is?" he sounds offended and Mika really wants to say 'no', but for some reason he can't.   
  
"I think it might be part of it. Y' never seemed interested in me before, y'know, so somethin' had to prompt it," he doesn't mean for it to be rude, but it's kind of impossible for it to come off any other way.   
  
"I see," Arashi's voice is so icy that it sends a chill down Mika's spine, and he wonders briefly if he'd read this entire thing wrong. What if Arashi _had_ some feelings for him? If he did, now Mika's pretty much fucked up his chances of them ever becoming anything more by accusing him of just using Mika for sexual relief.   
  
But no, this is the right thing to do.

Or, he has to _believe_ it is, because he can't go back now.   
  
"I think you should go, Mika," Arashi stands up and crosses his arms, body almost folding in on itself like he's trying to be as small as possible.   
  
And that hurts more than anything, because Arashi using only his name when they were having a serious conversation or when he was breath away from having an orgasm is one thing, but him using it to be emotionally distant and hurt Mika on purpose is another thing altogether.   
  
It feels like a knife to his stomach, and he _knows_ that he shouldn't respond, that he should just leave and try to gather his thoughts before he says anything he’ll regret forever, but he's never really been good with impulse control.   
  
"I think if y' really had any sorta feelings fer me, y' wouldn't have needed the excuse of somebody else breakin' yer heart to get you t' tell me. Arashi," his fingers are clutching the front of his shirt, guilt utterly slamming into him because he's a damn hypocrite to be accusing Arashi of keeping his feelings hidden when he's doing the exact same thing.   
  
He's never called Arashi by his name before, either...not like that, anyway...but he can't call him 'Naru-chan' anymore, not now.   
  
"You seem to think a lot of things about me," Arashi replies coolly. "Not that I'm surprised, since I'm finding out that a lot of people do," the way he says it makes Mika thinks that he's lumping him in with the people who thought he was a dishonest cheater and that?  That’s low.   
  
Mika might not have come clean about his feelings, but everything else he's said and done has been honest, so to have Arashi comparing him to people that were deliberately awful to him is like a punch to the gut.   
  
"If that's really what y' think of me, then..." he takes a shaky breath, "then y' really don't know me at all, and I feel like an idiot fer thinkin' we'd be able t' stay friends," he swallows, not looking back. "G'bye."  
  
He all but runs out of the house once he's away from Arashi's room, but when he finally stops and glances around to see where he is, he's surprised that there aren't any tears leaking from his eyes.   
  
He's angry, and heartbroken, but he's not crying...and that's maybe the weirdest thing that's happened today, although it's all been a little much to process.   
  
His eyes stay dry as he gets on the train and heads back home, though there's something roiling in his stomach that makes him want to be sick because this wasn’t at _all_ how today was supposed to go.   
  
Then again, his life has been pretty shitty so far, so maybe it's just one more thing that's gone wrong right when he was starting to feel a bit of happiness.   
  
He's unlocking the door at Shu's when he realizes his hands are empty and remembers that his work clothes are still at Arashi's, since he hadn't bothered to pick up the bag on his way out.   
  
Well.   
  
...Fuck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I'm sorry *runs away*


	8. Chapter 8

The tears come later that night.

Honestly, he's surprised that he's managed to hold it together for this long, but when he's sobbing into his pillow like his heart is physically breaking it's hard to think of himself as having any sort of emotional strength at all.

Physical pain is something he doesn't really know, maybe, because he doesn't feel it much, but it's hard to imagine _anything_ hurting worse than this.

By the time his pillow is soaked and he's a shivering, exhausted wreck, he's starting to realize that maybe he's far more in love with Arashi than he'd even thought.

There's nothing he can do about it, though, so he has to suck it up and move on because it's more obvious than ever now that Arashi doesn't feel the same.

Except, of course, he's just not sure how he _can_  move on, and he feels like a failure and a coward for letting one person's rejection break him down so far that he can barely function.

He could be in bed with Arashi right now, if he'd have just kept his big mouth shut, and that knowledge makes him cry even harder even though deep down he knows if he _had_ kept going with this he might have gotten hurt even more in the end.

It's hard to imagine that at the moment, but he feels the tiniest bit better if he look at it that way so he'll just have to convince himself what he did was for the best.

Maybe he'll never know if it was, but that's not as important as believing it.

"Kagehira?"

"O-Oshi-san," he sniffles, not wanting Shu to see him like this. He wipes his nose on his sleeve, trying to will the tears to stop, but for some reason they just keep coming.

He can see Shu standing in the doorway, a dark silhouette against the hallway light, and he knows if he was with Arashi right now he'd be getting held and comforted and, above all, not judged or told that he's weak...but instead he's alone in his bed with Shu seemingly unwilling to move closer.

He sobs, burying his face in the pillow and nearly jumping out of his skin when he feels Shu's hand on his shoulder. "Oshi-san?" he asks softly.

"Did he hurt you?" Shu sounds utterly cold. "I don't take kindly to people dirtying my creations."

"N-no," Mika's voice is trembling. "I'm...I love him, but he doesn't feel the same, and we...kinda had a fight about it and I left my work clothes there and he prob'ly hates me now and..."

"Breathe," Shu says gently, breaking up Mika's ramblings. "I'm quite certain he doesn't hate you, in any case. Anger makes us say rash things."

"He does, he was jes usin' me fer...I dunno, not my body, anyway, 'cuz I'm ugly," he laughs bitterly.

"You most certainly are not. Do you think I would spend so much time and effort trying to perfect something with no natural beauty? _Non_ , Kagehira, you are most definitely attractive," he pats Mika's shoulder awkwardly.

"Yer jes sayin' that, Oshi-san," he mumbles, shivering and trying to pull the blankets up more.

"I would never waste my breath telling falsehoods about such things," Shu sounds rather offended that Mika would even suggest that. "But if you truly believe his intentions with you have been dishonourable, it's hardly worth it to waste your tears on him."

"I know," Mika's almost surprised to find that the tears have stopped. His eyes are still wet but the aching in his chest is more manageable now, and he doesn't know if it's because Shu's there (really, that would be kind of weird since Shu's not exactly known to have the most comforting presence), but it's better than before. " 'm sorry."

"Don't be," Shu sits on the edge of the bed, staring at the door and folding his hands in his lap. "As much as I'd like to think I can craft people into the image I wish for them to take, both of us are only human, and there's no accounting for the way emotions affect us at times."

"Yeah," Mika agrees vaguely, knowing that he and Shu have probably seen each other at their worst so it's useless to pretend otherwise.

Shu's never going to be warm and open, but he's always _been there_ and Mika knows that both of them probably need each other more than they'd ever want to admit.

"Go to sleep, Kagehira," Shu says then, his tone leaving no room for argument. "You'll think more clearly after you rest, and perhaps the morning light will give you the insight you need as to how to proceed with your situation."

"Maybe," he doesn't really believe it, but there's not much else he can do now except sleep. "Oshi-san? C'n y' stay tonight?" he asks softly, almost ashamed, but he's used to sleeping with Arashi and he feels like if Shu leaves he'll just spend the entire night crying.

"You're an utter nuisance, you know," Shu moves so his back is against the headboard, sliding his legs under the blankets and letting one arm drape loosely over Mika's shoulders when the younger man snuggles up to his side.

He's never really been this close to Shu before, not like _this_ anyway, but he's warm and familiar and that's what Mika needs. "Thank you. Sorry I'm such a burden."

"Mm," Shu makes a rather non-committal sound, his graceful fingers sliding through Mika's messy hair.

Mika curls up more and hugs Shu's waist a little tighter, closing his eyes and letting the soft, repetitive touches lull him to sleep.

000

He makes up an excuse about forgetting his work clothes on the bus and while the bakery owner is happy to lend him another apron, the pants and shirt had been his own and about the only nice clothes he'd owned.

Shu had given him a dress shirt and black pants that he'd deemed 'old and shabby,' but to Mika they looked fine enough even if they were far too big.

It's a temporary solution, but after a couple of weeks of tripping over the pants and having to continuously roll up the sleeves of the shirt he knows his only real options are either to buy new clothes or to pick up his old ones from Arashi's.

Neither of them are appealing choices, really, but he does need to save money and unless Arashi's thrown them out or something (Mika doesn't think he would, but he hasn't gotten in contact to ask about giving them back, either, so...) it's probably better to just suck it up and go over there.

He thinks about texting first, deciding against it because if he just goes over maybe he won't even run into Arashi, and finds himself at the front door of Arashi's place one day after his shift is done.

The bell seems to be mocking him so on a whim he decides to just try the door, jumping back a little when it swings open easily.

He can't hear anything from inside the house, and he feels like a coward for sneaking around like this but he _is_ too much of a coward to do it any other way.

Hopefully the bag's still in Arashi's room where he'd left it, and he pads quietly across the floor, clapping a hand over his mouth when the cat darts over to him because he hadn't been expecting it.

She meows quietly, wrapping around his ankles, and he sighs and bends to pet her until she's content and goes to curl up on the sofa.

Well, at least she hadn't made any noise, and he still hasn't heard anything else so he carefully walks to Arashi's room, seeing that the door's half-ajar and cautiously pushing it open a little farther.

He expects to see Arashi taking a nap or working on summer homework, or (hopefully) maybe Arashi's not even in there, but when he hears a quiet groan his stomach drops and he's starting to think coming over unannounced was a _really_ bad plan after all.

Because he certainly doesn't expect to see Arashi with another guy straddling him, mouth latched onto his neck while Arashi clings to his shoulders, head thrown back and eyes half-closed in obvious pleasure.

And Mika should leave. He should _really_ leave.

He should...

But what he _actually_ does is clap a hand over his mouth and stumble backwards, smacking into the half-open door. Arashi looks over, eyes widening, but that's all Mika sees before he rushes for the bathroom.

He drops in front of the toilet, dry-heaving and gasping for breath. The churning, ugly feeling in his stomach is back, though this time it's not _just_ jealousy like it was before. That's part of it, certainly, since knowing somebody else can make Arashi look like _that_ is a horrible feeling, but it's mixed with anger and hurt and an admittedly unfounded sense of utter betrayal that makes the bile rise in his throat and has him feeling more inadequate than ever.

He'd always known he was a safe rebound, maybe, but this just proves it without a doubt.

He coughs a couple of times, but he hasn't eaten much today so he has nothing to really bring up. It still leaves him sweaty and shaking and he curls into a ball beside the toilet, knowing he's going to start crying again soon and feeling more pathetic and useless than he has in his entire life.

"Mika?"

"Go 'way," he grumbles, not wanting to deal with Arashi right now.

Or ever again, if he's being completely honest with himself.

He doesn't know who this guy is, but he's not _his_ Naru-chan. And, based on what Mika has seen, he thinks he never will be again.

"Honey, are you o-"

Arashi's hand lands on his shoulder and Mika shoves it away, glaring at him with as much heat as he can muster.

"Don't touch me, Arashi."

"Okay," Arashi steps back, walking out of the room, and Mika can hear him talking to somebody in a low voice before the front door closes rather loudly.

He needs to leave.

He needs to get himself together, take his clothes, and leave.

Then he'll never have to see Arashi ever again.

He tries to stand up, the room spinning as a wave of dizziness hits him, and he probably would have fallen right back down if Arashi hadn't grabbed his arm.

"I said don't..." Mika tries to talk and gags again, feeling sick and light-headed and ashamed of his own weakness and of how badly his body is betraying him. "I..."

"Shh, baby, c'mere," Arashi pulls him close and Mika wants to reply that he's not anybody's 'baby,' but instead he clutches at Arashi's shirt and snuggles into his arms. "You need to lie down."

"Nn. Feel sick," he mumbles, and Arashi's cool hand against his forehead makes him push against the touch.

"Oh, honey, you're burning up. Did you eat today?" Arashi sounds so concerned that Mika almost, _almost_ believes he's being genuine.

"Lemme go home..."

"You can't even walk," Arashi points out, scooping him up and carrying him into the bedroom. Mika grumbles the whole way, trying to let Arashi know that he's only staying because he's too weak to actually leave and not because he _wants_ to.

Arashi sets him on the bed, moving back as soon as he does, and Mika wants to ask why before he remembers that he was the one who'd told Arashi not to touch him and even now Arashi's respecting his wishes.

"Mika," Arashi kneels down next to the bed and Mika glances blearily at him.

"You smell like that guy," Mika doesn't really mean to say it, but he'd noticed when Arashi was carrying him that he didn't smell like himself and it's a constant reminder of how he's just not good enough.

"I...oh," Arashi looks guilty. "Get some rest, okay? I'll make you some chicken broth...and take a shower," he adds quietly.

"Wanna go home," Mika sniffles, shoving his face into the pillow.

"Mika, can I touch you?"

He doesn't know why _that_ question is what makes him lose the little control he has on his tears, but he can barely nod as he starts sobbing and reaches a hand out weakly for Arashi.

Arashi moves onto the bed, sitting up and pulling Mika into his lap. He's so warm, and even though he smells like somebody else's cologne, Mika doesn't care because Arashi's arms still make him feel safe.

Mika wraps his own arms around Arashi's neck, trying to press as close as he can. Arashi kisses his forehead, brushing his unruly hair back, and Mika closes his eyes and leans his head tiredly on Arashi's shoulder.

He's not really crying anymore, but he feels more ill and exhausted than ever, almost like he's too spent to even produce any more tears. "Sorry 'm a mess."

"Don't talk," Arashi murmurs. "Just rest, okay?"

"Mm," he sighs, yawning. "Missed you."

He hears Arashi's breath hitch and knows that he'd actually said that out loud, but it's okay. He has nothing left to lose now, anyway. His pride, such as it is, is pretty much gone, and he can hardly sink any lower in Arashi's eyes so maybe being honest is the only thing he has left.

"I've missed you too," Arashi promises, and he _sounds_ like he's telling the truth even though Mika doesn't really believe him. "But you really need to eat. Will you be okay if I leave for a bit?"

He nods, letting Arashi lie him back down on the bed. The sheets are cool and he pushes his face against them eagerly, already half-asleep.

At least the bed smells like Arashi, and if he keeps his eyes closed it's easy to pretend things are normal and okay again.

It's a lie, but for right now, he still wants to believe it.

000

"Are you staying tonight?"

"I prob'ly shouldn't," he admits, head tucked under Arashi's chin and one of Arashi's hands clasped firmly in his own. "Uh, I mean..."

"Yeah," Arashi concedes with a sigh. "I don't know if I trust you going out when you're this weak, though," he adds softly.

" 'm better now," Mika tries to sound confident although his voice still wavers a little. It's not really a lie, since after drinking the chicken broth and resting for a couple of hours he does feel more like himself...but he also really doesn't want to move, and the thought of jostling about on the train the whole way home is making his stomach churn unpleasantly again.

"You're welcome to stay," Arashi continues. "We have a sofa bed so I'll sleep there for the night, or if my brother doesn't come home I can always steal his bed..."

" 's okay," Mika waves his free hand weakly, cuddling closer. "Don't wanna kick you outta yer room."

"You're fine with me being close?" Arashi's hand settles in the small of his back, holding him securely. "Even after..."

"We're not datin' or anythin', so it's none of my business who yer foolin' around with," he probably sounds bitter but he's still too tired to worry about putting up fronts or hiding his feelings right now.

"That wasn't...okay," Arashi sighs heavily. "The truth is, I barely even know the guy. I had some clothing pieces from an upcoming photoshoot that somebody needed to borrow since Izumi-chan's away so he can't fill in for me, and this guy showed up to pick them up and I didn't even think twice about inviting him into my bedroom since that's where the clothes were, you know? But I guess he had other ideas, and I'm apparently too weak and needy to say to no to those kind of advances," he sounds disappointed with himself and Mika squeezes his hand, holding it a little more tightly. "I'm so fucked up, Mika-ch...Mika," he amends. "I don't know how to have a relationship that works because I can't...the emotional part of it terrifies me."

"I think yer doin' okay, Naru-chan," he says it without thinking and hears Arashi's breath catch. It's fine, though. This Arashi... _this_ is the person he fell in love with, so it's fine. "Y' jes hafta find somebody that you know isn't gonna hurt you."

"That's not exactly easy," Arashi mumbles, the hand on Mika's back sliding his shirt up a little, and Mika shivers when Arashi's fingers brush his bare skin. "Sorry, I..."

"It's...uh, don' worry about it. I still like when y' touch me," he adds shyly, hiding his face in Arashi's shoulder.

"Except before?" Arashi asks and Mika shrugs his shoulders.

"Yeah. But y' didn't when I asked y' not to and I appreciated that a lot. It means I can trust you," he mumbles, feeling Arashi's hand settle more firmly under his shirt.

"I want you to be able to trust me, Mika-chan. I really do," he presses a kiss into Mika's hair and Mika nuzzles against his neck, breathing out slowly. "But we do need to talk in the morning."

"Yeah," Mika knows that things aren't okay yet, not really, and they probably _won't_  be okay until he has the courage to admit to Arashi how he feels. "I wanna go back t' how things were. Not, uh...I mean, we should prob'ly leave the..."

"No, we should," Arashi chuckles. "But it was nice, though. Right?"

He sounds worried and Mika kisses his shoulder without thinking, humming contentedly. "Course it was. More than nice."

"It's all I really have, so..." Arashi rubs his back. "It's not good, but at least if people like the way I look, maybe I can get away with..." he stops and Mika glances up at him in surprise, shifting so that he can look at Arashi more directly.

"Naru-chan," he swallows, wishing that for once he can say something important and not mess it up. "Yer beautiful. Y' know that, and every person who sees you knows that, but yer sellin' yerself way too short if y' think that yer body's the only thing people will want you for. Yer so much...I know it's none'a my business, but it hurts me t' know that yer thinkin' of lettin' people use you like that."

"It's not, but what you think is important to me," Arashi smiles at him. "I wish more people were like you, Mika-chan," he slides his hand into Mika's hair and tugs him closer, nudging their noses together. "I feel good when I'm with you."

"Me, too," Mika holds him tightly, so close that they're practically sharing breath. "Promise me y' won't...I don't have any right t' ask this, but..."

"I know," Arashi promises. "And in any case, I should love myself enough to not allow anybody unworthy to touch me, right?" he's teasing now but it's far better than hearing Arashi get so down on himself. "No, I deserve the best."

"Y' do," Mika agrees, squeaking when Arashi rolls onto his back and pulls Mika on top of him.

"So do you," Arashi gives him a sad smile, wrapping his arms loosely around Mika's waist. "But we can talk about...us tomorrow, okay? You must be exhausted," he kisses Mika's forehead, lingering for a little longer than necessary. "You don't feel as hot anymore."

"Good," Mika yawns and gets himself comfortable. "I sleep better when I'm with you, y'know," he mumbles, closing his eyes.

"Oh, honey, I'll never say no to spending the night together," Arashi assures him, and Mika can hear the slight catch in his voice at the words.

It tells him more than anything else that Arashi _is_ telling the truth, and maybe he's _always_ been telling the truth and Mika's just been too stubborn to accept it. He knows he's bad with holding grudges, after all, but he really doesn't want to this time if there's no reason for it.

He decides before falling asleep that he's going to tell Arashi how he feels in the morning. Whatever the consequences of it are, Arashi deserves to know there's somebody who loves him for _everything_ he is.

Mika's still pretty sure Arashi doesn't feel the same way about him, but that's okay.

He can deal with that when the time comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Of course I couldn't leave these two sad for too long! They've got a ways to go yet, but they're getting there...
> 
> 2\. While we don't know exactly what happened to Arashi, the head writer of enstars has said via Twitter that the character was always planned with a sad backstory and that Arashi's whole 'it's easier to love myself than to let others love me' mentality is the result of said backstory, so I'm keeping the details vague in this story but it's fairly evident that Arashi is reluctant to let people get too close emotionally and I'm both nervous and interested to see what happens when all of that is finally revealed...
> 
> 3\. I got a lot of comments on the last chapter but I hope you guys feel better after this one, and it does mean a lot as a writer to hear that what I'm writing is making people have a strong emotional response because that means I'm doing something right!


	9. Chapter 9

Mika's not feeling quite as confident the next morning, especially when he's so content and comfortable . Arashi's still asleep, arms snug around Mika's waist, and being here again is only reinforcing how much Mika has missed waking up with him for the last two weeks.

It just feels... _right_ , somehow, and that sounds horribly sappy and trite, but Mika can't really help it.

Arashi sighs in his sleep, his eyes opening a little, and when he smiles at Mika in the most beustiful way that pretty much makes up Mika's mind for him.

"Morning, Mika-chan," Arashi murmurs, leaning in and pressing his lips to Mika's forehead. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah," Mika nods, his eyes closing at the kiss. "Naru-chan, I wanna tell you somethin'," he mumbles, hearing Arashi let out an inquisitive hum at the words. "I..." he takes a deep breath and opens his eyes, staring directly at Arashi and hoping that nothing horrible is going to happen now that he's finally laying his true feelings bare. "I love you."

Arashi frowns a little, looking like he's trying to figure something out, but it's better than him laughing or pitying Mika, at least. "You..." he stops, his lips turning down even more.  
  
"I'm in love with you, yeah," Mika's throat is suddenly dry, but despite that the words almost come out easier the second time. "I know y' don't feel the same, 's okay, but I jes...wanted you t' know there's somebody that loves you fer who you are and not jes 'cuz yer gorgeous," he knows he's rambling but he can't stop because he needs Arashi to know he doesn't have any obligation to reciprocate his feelings.

"Mika-chan, breathe," Arashi sounds amused, and when Mika takes a breath and looks at him he's relieved to see that Arashi is smiling. "I know."

"Y'know...know what?" Mika blinks, not sure what Arashi's referring to.

"I know that you have...feelings for me. Or I'd guessed, I suppose, but part of me didn't want to admit it because if I was wrong I would sound horribly conceited," he gives Mika a rather sheepish smile and Mika smiles back, settling his hand on Arashi's hip. "How long?"

"Uh, well..." Mika frowns, because admitting this is going to make him look horrible. "Y'know how I said that what y' felt fer me couldn't be real if it only happened after this guy hurt ya?"

"Yes," Arashi looks curious now, staring at Mika intently.

"W-well, I was kinda bein' a hypocrite since, uh, I didn' realize I was in love with ya until after he was yer boyfriend. I started gettin' this real twisty and ugly feelin' in my gut when I thought of the two o' you, uh, y'know," he mumbles, looking anywhere but Arashi. "And I was lyin' t' you the whole time about not havin' any feelings fer you, so 'm real sorry. I jes thought the chance t' be with you was too good t' pass up, see, so even if it wasn't gonna last and even if I had t' make you think y' meant nothin' more than a friend t' me, it was worth it."

"Mika, honey, look at me," Arashi says gently and Mika doesn't think Arashi's going to hurt him while he's speaking in that tone so he looks up, blinking because Arashi looks close to tears and that's not what he expected. "I'm not angry. I'm a little bewildered, maybe, that you feel that way considering I don't really deserve it, but I could never be angry."

"Of course y' deserve it!" Mika breaks in, his fingers tightening on Arashi's waist. "I'm jes sorry it has t' be from somebody like me."

"Like you what?" Arashi raises a hand and runs the backs of his fingers slowly down Mika's cheek. "Somebody kind and gentle and loyal? Somebody who always makes me feel better and doesn't expect anything in return? Somebody who has no idea how beautiful they are both inside and out?" he sighs and shakes his head. "I don't deserve to be loved by somebody like you. Not when I can never give you the same."

"Y've been givin' me enough, y'know?" Mika says honestly. "Everythin' with you has been real great, and I couldn't ask fer somebody better to...uh...have my first times with."

"Well, we didn't really get to do that much," Arashi hums. "But if you don't mind me asking...is it...safe for you to do more?"

"Huh?" Mika doesn't really know what that means and he frowns, trying to figure it out. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Well, speaking from...experience," he grimaces. "Your first time is going to hurt, and there's at least a bit of a danger of, you know..." he clears his throat and Mika kind of gets it, even though he's still not sure why...oh.

"Oh," he mumbles, blushing. "I couldn't tell y' if I was in pain 'cuz I don't feel it, right?"

"Mm," Arashi agrees. "Though, look at me, assuming you'd have ever let me...I don't really have any experience either, you know, not in that..."

"Hey," Mika cuts him off, running his thumb over Arashi's hipbone slowly. "Of course I would've. This guy never let you..."

"No, and I was too smitten with him to realize how unbalanced things were between us. I mean, it felt good...usually...but you have to be careful and I..." he stops, pulling Mika close and kissing him, and Mika feels his stomach swoop rather alarmingly because he hadn't seen _that_ one coming.

It's not like he _minds_ , though.

Not at all.

He moves his arm around Arashi's back and tugs him closer, letting him know that it's okay. Arashi's hands are gripping the front of his shirt, and when he breaks away there's a haunted look in his eyes that Mika doesn't like at all.

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry, Mika, I..."

"Nah, don't be," Mika feels kind of giddy, actually, since unless he's really, _really_ wrong...Arashi might actually have some feelings for _him_ , too.

"I feel kind of foolish now, since I could hardly judge you when the thought of you doing something with other people...well, obviously I don't like it much," he looks embarrassed and Mika laughs, hugging him joyfully. "Ah, Mika-chan, you're so lovely," he holds him close. "I promise, I would be extra careful if we ever..."

"I know y' would be. I trust you," Mika nods quickly, and he's not even afraid. Well, not like he could feel it if it hurt anyway, but he still would rather not have to explain to...anybody, really...why he was injured _there_. "So where does this leave us?"

"What I said before is still true," Arashi replies softly. "I'm not ready for a relationship with somebody, because I have too much baggage and too many reservations."

"I don' care about that..."

"I know. Let me finish," Arashi chuckles. "I can't give myself fully to a stranger. I know that. But...maybe I could do it with my best friend," he looks half-scared and half-hopeful and Mika lets out a little squeak of excitement that he can't quite contain.

"So are y' sayin'..."

"I don't want to label this as anything yet," Arashi says quickly, although Mika hardly feels disappointed by that. "And I still think you could do much better than a mess like me. But if you want to, then yes," he nods quickly.

"D _'you_ want to?" Mika doesn't miss the way he leaves himself out of it.

"I really do," Arashi promises, reaching to grip Mika's hand. "So much."

"Me, too," Mika feels like he can't stop smiling. "Whatever y' want t' call us, it doesn't really matter t' me as long as I get to kiss you whenever I want."

"Ooh, Mika-chan, those are some difficult terms," Arashi sighs dramatically. "I'm not sure if I can agree to them."

"D'you want some convincin'?" Mika doesn't know where this new flirty side of him is coming from but it just feels... _natural_ with Arashi.

"Is that an offer?" Arashi rolls onto his back, raising an eyebrow slightly. "What if I need a lot of convincing?"

"I c'n do that," he nods, crawling on top of Arashi and leaning close.

"I want you to know something first," Arashi's fingers press against his chest, keeping him at arm's length. "Even if we're not something...you know, with a title yet, I still wouldn't ever get involved with somebody else if I'm with you."

"Yeah. I know," Mika does, mostly, since what happened yesterday wasn't really something Arashi had planned. "But I also know yer still kinda hung up on yer ex, so..."

"I think after what happened last time that I'm starting to be over him for good," Arashi shrugs. "I don't even know now why I was so attracted to him in the first place since it's not like he was any sort of catch," he wrinkles his nose and Mika chuckles.

"Yeah, he seems pretty awful. I hope I never meet 'im, y'know, since I'd prob'ly try 'n punch 'im in the face," he growls and Arashi gives him a rather appraising look.

"Since his looks are all he has going for him, doing that would probably make his life difficult for a while," Arashi sounds far too thoughtful and Mika starts to protest because he wouldn't _actually_ punch the guy in the face. Probably. Even though he wants to. "Hey, I'd never advocate violence like that," Arashi promises. "I just have to hope that one day karma decides to get him back for all the pain he's caused me...and probably other naive, innocent models too..."

"He will. One day somebody's gonna figure out that he's the problem, not all the people he's datin'," Mika's pretty sure of that, anyway, since if anybody deserved to get what was coming to them, it's this guy.

"I'm really hoping they will," Arashi sighs, wrapping his arms around Mika and hugging him tightly. "I think I'm going to take Izumi-chan up on his offer to get work with a different agency...I'll have to talk to my manager, but honestly I can't work around him anymore."

"Good. Y' shouldn't hafta," Mika leans in again, huffing in annoyance when Arashi pushes against his chest again. "Yer not lettin' me convince you too well, y'know?"

"I think...and this is going to be really hard because you're so irresistible...but I also think we should leave the sexual things for a bit," he sounds unhappy about that and Mika lets out a tiny, disappointed groan without meaning to. "I know, honey," he smiles. "But look at you, a couple of weeks ago you were afraid to be naked around me and now you want more."

"Yeah, 'cuz it's you," Mika mutters, blinking down at him. "But yer prob'ly right. We should jes be friends again first, huh?"

"You know...some friends still kiss each other..." Arashi smirks and Mika decides he's not going to think about the logic of that one too hard.

Kissing Arashi is more important, anyway.

Arashi's hands tangle in his hair almost immediately and Mika holds him down to the mattress with his body, that ugly possessive twisting in his gut turning from jealousy to elation because Arashi _wants_ _him_ and he can do this now without needing to be afraid of hiding how he really feels.

"Well. I don't think most friends kiss each other like _that_ ," Arashi pulls back with a gasp, his eyes wide. "Where were you hiding that all this time, hmm?"

"I, uh..." Mika laughs nervously. "Guess I was jes worried about lettin' you know how much I love ya so I tried t' make it seem like I wanted it t' be casual."

"Darling," Arashi looks guilty for a moment. "I want all of this with you. You're so special," he whispers.

"Y' make me feel like I am, and that's not easy," Mika admits. "It really hurt when I thought we couldn't be friends anymore."

"I'm so sorry I made you feel like that," Arashi murmurs. "I was awful."

"We both were," Mika leans in to rest their foreheads together. "But 'm jes really happy we're okay now."

"We are. I just wish I would have realized how much you really mean to me sooner," he wraps his arms around Mika's waist and holds him there. "You've always been there for me, Mika, and I don't...think you were wrong in saying that I saw you as a safe rebound of sorts."

"I know. But I knew y' did 'n I was okay with it, so it wasn't my place t' try 'n use it against you," he mumbles.

"I hope you know that you're truly more than that to me," Arashi kisses him again, barely pressing their lips together this time. "Yeah, I don't think I'll be able to resist kissing you," he starts laughing and Mika grins, hiding his face against Arashi's shoulder. "I really make you that happy, huh?"

"Uh-huh," Mika nods, glancing shyly up at him. "Y' really do. That's why I decided that...if this thing wasn't gonna work, and it wasn't, the last thing I wanted was t' lose you as a friend."

"And I almost made sure that happened," Arashi nuzzles his nose into Mika's hair. "But I'm far happier just spending time with you than I ever was with...him..." he flops onto his back and closes his eyes. "Ugh, am I really that weak that I was taken in by somebody like him paying a little bit of attention to me?"

"Nah, but he took advantage of how nice y'are," Mika replies, just letting himself stare at Arashi. "And, uh, y'know you're pretty easy to win over if somebody says somethin' nice about yer looks."

"True," Arashi concedes, not looking offended at all. "But I just expect everybody to notice," he opens one eye enough to wink.

"I'm pretty sure they do," Mika bites his lip and glances away, telling himself that he can't get jealous about this. Arashi's always going to be in the public eye and have people looking at him and fantasizing about him. He just has to deal with that.

"Hey," Arashi's voice breaks up out of his thoughts and the taller man smirks at him, pulling his shirt up and pushing his pyjama pants down enough to expose the sharp lines of his hipbones. Mika reaches out to touch before he can help himself, hearing Arashi's breath catch. "They can notice all they want. But you're the only one that gets to have me in bed with them."

Mika nods, wondering how Arashi's able to see through his fears so easily but feeling reassured at the same time. He doesn't get a chance to say anything before his phone beeps, and he glances over to where it had been left the night before and figures he'd better check.

He's met by an increasingly annoyed series of texts from Shu and he groans, feeling incredibly guilty for making him worry since he hadn't exactly told Shu where he was overnight. The phone rings when he's holding it and he jumps, watching it land on the blankets and reaching for it when Arashi scoops it up and answers.

Mika squeaks, shaking his head frantically, but Arashi gives him a grin and he knows it'll be okay.

"Hello!" Arashi says brightly, listening with narrowed eyes. "Yes, he's here. He wasn't feeling well last night so I thought it would be better if he stayed over," he tugs Mika close, wrapping his arms around him. Mika can hear Shu talking but can't really make out any words, although he sounds predictably irritated. "Yes. Yes, I know. It won't happen again, I promise," he sounds serious and Mika nuzzles his neck. "He's very important to me."

Mika blushes at that, feeling so utterly safe and warm that he finds his courage and reaches for the phone again.

"Oshi-san," he holds it to his ear, laughing when Arashi leans closer and kisses his neck.

"Kagehira," Shu replies, sounding bored. "I thought we'd discussed you calling when you were spending the night away? I don't appreciate waiting up all night."

"I know," Mika knows that he's worried despite his emotionless tone, and it's giving him a lot of guilt. " 'm real sorry, I didn't eat much yesterday and then I kinda got sick."

"Narukami's looking after you, I hope? I'm still not particularly thrilled with him," Shu's voice gets colder, Mika smiling to himself because Shu's still angry for his sake and it makes him happy to know how much he really cares.

"We're good now. He made sure I ate and got enough sleep," he hums, reaching for Arashi's hand and lacing their fingers together.

"Well, I suppose I can't say anything against it if you've decided to trust him again," Shu grunts, and Mika can hear fabric rustling in the background. "Call me if you're to be away again, and remember that you work tomorrow."

"I will. Thanks, Oshi-san," he replies, ending the call and leaning back against Arashi.

"I don't think he likes me much," Arashi whispers in his ear. "Not that I blame him."

"He's kinda protective," Mika admits, a smile still on his lips. "But you're prob'ly okay unless y' hurt me again."

"I don't intend to," Arashi assures him firmly. "And did I hear right that you don't work today?" he sounds hopeful and Mika nods.

"Yep, 's my day off."

"So does that mean I can pamper you all day?" One of Arashi's hands slides under his shirt and Mika sighs happily.

"Yeah. 'M not gonna say no to that," he's looking forward to it, really, and he's learned by now that even if it still makes him a little uncomfortable to have so much attention paid to him, it always feels good when it's Arashi doing it.

"Good. Sit tight, I'm gonna make you breakfast," he lets go of Mika and Mika lets out a little whine at the rush of cold air that hits him. "You're adorable," he says fondly, pulling the blanket back around Mika to warm him up.

"Thanks," Mika snuggles into it, watching Arashi leave and flopping back onto the bed.

All things considered, today had gone much better than expected, and he's still a little shocked about that. It's not perfect yet, of course, but he's pretty sure he and Arashi will at least be able to work everything out...and, right now, that's more than he could have ever asked for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this chapter! September means work and school again so my schedule has been busier lately, although hopefully I can get an update of this done a little sooner next time!! As always, thank you for the support and comments and feel free to let me know what you thought :)


	10. Chapter 10

Mika's pretty sure friends didn't pamper each other like this.  
  
Not that he knows much about it, of course, since it's his first experience, but he's still pretty sure.  
  
They should be watching TV...probably...but as it stands they're making out instead, Mika perched in Arashi's lap. He's wearing a pair of Arashi's pyjamas and Arashi's only wearing sweatpants but he's kind of deliriously happy so, outside of that, it's hard to care much about whether what they're doing is right or wrong.  
  
"Mm," Arashi pulls away, looking up at him and grinning. "Wanna take a bath together later?"  
  
"Uh," Mika bites his lip, knowing that this would be a very, _very_ bad idea and yet being tempted anyway. Still... "We shouldn't, y'know, since if I'm that close t' you and yer naked I'm gonna get hard real fast," he mumbles, though it's loud enough for Arashi to hear and the blond lets out an amused chuckle.  
  
"True enough. I promise to behave, though," he winks.  
  
"I don' think you promisin' is gonna make it any easier," he mumbles, but the thought of taking a bath with Arashi is almost _too_ tempting to pass up.  
  
"Mika," Arashi murmurs, smiling at him. "It's okay. I want...let me take a bath with you and give you a massage after, hmm? If anything else happens, then it happens," he's blushing a little.  
  
"Why d'you keep callin' me jes' Mika?" he asks suddenly, knowing it's completely changing the topic, but he can't think too much about the _other things_ Arashi's suggesting right now.  
  
"Huh? Oh," Arashi blinks. "Do you not like it? I just thought...I call everybody -chan, you know, so it means a lot more for me to call somebody by just their name. But I can stop if you want me to."  
  
"No, 's okay," he mumbles. "C'n I still call you Naru-chan?"  
  
"You're the only one who does, so I think that already makes it special," Arashi taps his nose with a fingertip and Mika laughs, unable to stop himself from leaning in for another kiss. "Should we take that bath now?"  
  
"Yeah-" Mika squeaks when Arashi picks him up. "I can walk!"  
  
"I like carrying you," Arashi replies, shifting Mika in his arms so he's a little more comfortable. Mika leans his cheek against Arashi's shoulder and sighs, resigning himself to it, though he can't exactly say he _dislikes_ it.  
  
Arashi sets him down gently once they enter the bathroom and Mika watches him run the water. He's humming to himself, testing the temperature and pulling back when he obviously thinks it's good.  
  
"Do you have a preference for bubble bath?" he looks over his shoulder. "I've admittedly got a lot of it."  
  
"Whatever's fine," Mika shrugs, because the fact that he's _taking a bath with Arashi_ is a little more important than whatever the room happens to smell like.  
  
"Mm, okay," Arashi grabs a bottle and pours some into the bath, and while Mika can't place the fragrance exactly, it's sweet and warm and homey and it's making him feel relaxed already. "Honey? Can I take your clothes off?" Arashi asks softly.  
  
Mika nods, lifting his arms so Arashi could slide his shirt off. He shivers a little in the cold air of the bathroom, the tub looking more inviting than ever now.  
  
"Here," Arashi tugs his pants down, leaving them pooled at his feet so Mika can kick them off. He settles his hands on Mika's hips and Mika moves closer, pressing their bodies together.  
  
It's intimate, of course, but it doesn't really feel sexual this time. Arashi's just...so _comforting_ , and Mika wants to be close to him, but that's all he needs.  
  
"See? We can behave ourselves," Arashi kisses the very tip of his nose and steps back enough to get his own pants off, tossing them onto the counter. He lets go of Mika and moves to get into the tub, leaning back against the wall of it and sighing as the water rises and more bubbles begin to form around him. "Come on."  
  
"Yeah," Mika steps in carefully, sitting down and sliding back so that he's leaning against Arashi's chest. "Like this?"  
  
"Perfect," Arashi wraps his arms around Mika's waist, hooking his chin over the other man's shoulder. "Is the water okay?"  
  
"Uh. I guess?" Mika blinks. "I mean, I c'n tell it's warm and it feels nice, but 'm not too good with things that're super hot or cold because I can't tell more 'n that...like if somethin's hot enough to burn me it's still just gonna feel warm," he mumbles.  
  
"Mm," Arashi kisses his neck and hums thoughtfully. "Mika...don't take this the wrong way, but do you...need somebody to take care of you? Is that why your Oshi-san's so protective?"  
  
"Yeah, kinda," Mika's not really offended since it's natural Arashi would be curious, especially after finding out that he can't even process temperature extremes properly. "I need somebody to watch out fer me since I can't do much of it m'self, y'know?"  
  
"Back in high school I always thought your relationship was strange and that he was controlling, but now I'm starting to see things differently," Arashi admits, sounding apologetic. "I'm sorry if I misjudged him."  
  
"Nah, 's fine, he's not exactly the easiest guy t' get along with anyway but he's good to me," Mika smiles to himself, since even at his lowest point Shu had always tried to take care of him - even during times when he could barely take care of himself. "But y' don' hafta worry, Naru-chan, I get that y' want a boyfriend and not somebody t' babysit so..."  
  
"Darling, I _like_ looking after you," Arashi says firmly. "Haven't you figured that out by now?"  
  
"Uh," Mika laughs nervously. "I...I guess y' never complain. And yer good at it. So," he mumbles.  
  
"I'm glad you think so," Arashi murmurs, tightening his hold around Mika's waist. "If it's helping you, I'll never see it as a chore. I promise."  
  
"Thanks," Mika relaxes into his arms, feeling a little more reassured. "I trust y' with everythin', y'know? If y' ever wanted t', uh...fuck me...I'd like that," he whispers, feeling so _blunt_ just saying it like that.  
  
"I'd like that, too. Sometime," Arashi adds, pulling Mika even closer. "We're supposed to be behaving ourselves now, right?"  
  
"Yeah," Mika admits, sighing a little. He knows it's better to just stay friends for now and see where things go, but it's harder than ever now that he knows he and Arashi are _kind of_ together. "We've got time, right?"  
  
"Yep," Arashi nuzzles his nose into Mika's hair. "The summer's not over yet, and even when I'm back at school it's only a couple of hours away so I can visit you when I'm free," he adds, and Mika feels his stomach flip a little at that. "I want to make up for the time we lost when I was being an idiot."  
  
"Nah, y' were never an idiot," Mika promises, reaching for Arashi's hand under the water and holding it tightly. "'M just glad yer here now."  
  
"I am," he promises softly, looking up when the sound of a phone ringing breaks the silence. "I should...will you be okay if I leave for a bit?"  
  
"Yeah, 's fine," Mika nods, although he hates the thought of Arashi leaving and the tub feels a lot emptier when he's gone. The water's still warm to him, though, and he sinks down gratefully so that only his head is above the surface.  
  
He feels lighter than before, at least, now that he'd actually explained everything to Arashi and knows Arashi isn't going to judge him for it. He understands that it's not his fault and that he can't help the things he's born with, but people still tended to judge him when they find out and think he's just an idiot or that his brain isn't working right.  
  
And maybe it's not, or maybe it just doesn't work the way _most_ people's do, but he knows he has to be careful and in general he is. Working at the bakery had been a challenge in itself with all the knives and ovens around, but in some ways he's almost _more_ careful than most people would be because he doesn't want to get hurt and cause anybody trouble.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, you can talk to him if you want," Arashi comes back in, holding his phone to his ear and appearing entirely unashamed of the fact that he's completely naked. "Here," he pushes a button and holds the phone out, Mika sinking back in the water again because he doesn't know what to expect.  
  
"Hey, kid. It's Izumi," a voice grunts and Mika slides his body up again, pushing himself to the edge of the tub.  
  
"Uh. Hi?"  
  
"Look, I'm gonna hate myself for saying this, but I dunno who else is going to warn you and I know you've got Itsuki on your side," he continues, which isn't exactly helping Mika guess what he's talking about. "But look, if you're gonna get involved with Naru-kun...I dunno why you'd want to since he's fucking _annoying_...but you know what he's been through and he'd better not get hurt again. Got it?"  
  
"Yeah," Mika squeaks, even though he's not _that_ afraid of Izumi anymore. Still, Shu had kind of threatened Arashi so maybe it's only fair. "I love 'im. 'M not gonna hurt him."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Izumi sighs. "Don't tell him I said this or..."  
  
"Izumi-chan, I always knew you cared!" Arashi breaks in and Izumi lets out a loud yelp.  
  
"Was I on speakerphone? Ugh, why are you so _irritating_?!" Izumi sounds embarrassed and Mika tries to hide his laughter so Izumi can't hear it. "Whatever. Fine. You've got my blessing. Go away."  
  
He hangs up first and Arashi's nearly doubled over laughing, turning the phone off and setting it on the counter.  
  
"Well, I'm glad he approves," Arashi snickers, reaching out his hand to help Mika out of the tub. "Can I still give you that massage?"  
  
"How does he even know?" Mika's not angry or anything since Izumi's obviously on their side, but he didn't think Arashi would be telling anybody since he was the one who seemed to want to hold off on giving them any sort of title.  
  
"Mm, he kind of guessed when I said you'd spent the night," Arashi clears his throat. "I'd just texted him earlier to ask about finding a different agency."  
  
"That's good. The less y' hafta work anywhere near this guy, the better," he nods, taking the towel Arashi offers him and starting to dry off.  
  
"I think I can get out of the rest of my scheduled shoots if Izumi-chan goes for me, so hopefully I never have to see him again," he shivers, wrapping his arms around himself and waiting for Mika to finish. "I guess I should..." he grabs his sweats and pulls them back on, picking up the clothes Mika had been wearing and holding them under his arm.  
  
"Where are we goin'?" Mika asks, not even complaining this time when Arashi picks him up even though it's a little more awkward since he's naked.  
  
"My room, I think," Arashi replies, walking there and setting Mika down on the bed. "Lie on your stomach for me, okay? I'll get the oil."  
  
"Mm, kay," Mika nuzzles his face into the pillows, only looking up when Arashi comes back in. "'ve never had a massage before."  
  
"Well, in that case, I hope you like it," Arashi winks, hopping onto the bed and opening the bottle. Mika catches a whiff of something slightly spicy and woodsy but not too floral and he decides it's nice, burrowing down into the pillow even more.  
  
He can feel Arashi's hands settle on his shoulders, the oil making them slick against his skin, but when he starts moving Mika lets out a tiny little sigh and tries to relax more.  
  
"You're pretty tight," Arashi comments, thumbs pressing just under the base of Mika's neck. "Do you feel that?"  
  
"Yeah. I c'n feel pressure fine, but I dunno if it's supposed t' hurt or anythin'," he mumbles, going almost boneless as Arashi moves down his back. "Mm."  
  
"I'm guessing you like it?" Arashi laughs softly, and Mika nods absently because it _does_ feel good. Or maybe it just feels good to have Arashi's hands on him like this, since it's not like he'd be able to tell if he was loosening up. "I'm glad, you know?"  
  
"About what?" Mika asks softly, opening his eyes.  
  
"That even if you can't feel pain...I can still give you pleasure," Arashi's voice is low and raspy and Mika groans without meaning to, his hips pushing down into the sheets. "Sorry. I'm not doing a good job of controlling myself, am I?"  
  
"Nah, 's okay," Mika forces his body to still, letting himself sink into the bed. Arashi's hands stop at the small of his back before moving upwards again and Mika sighs.  
  
"If I go any lower we're going to have problems," Arashi murmurs, prompting Mika to smile because even if he's not planning on going farther, his body's still going to react if Arashi's touching him there.  
  
"Yeah," he agrees, turning his head to the side and blinking when he sees what looks like the handle of a plastic bag sticking out from behind Arashi's dresser. He frowns, because it's tickling his memory a little bit, and he realizes that he'd never actually said _why_ he'd come back the day before.  
  
Honestly, clothes are the last thing on his mind right now.  
  
"Hey, Naru-chan..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Uh, this is kinda random, but didja...find the clothes I left last time I was here?" he asks softly, flinching in surprise when Arashi's lips press against the back of his neck.  
  
"Of course I did. Call me a coward, but I was afraid to give them back...I guess I always thought that maybe if I kept them, you'd come get them yourself," he says quietly, like he's ashamed of it.  
  
"Well, that was the real reason I came here yesterday, but I guess I never said that, huh?" he hides his face in the pillow because he can't believe he actually _forgot_ about needing his clothes back.  
  
"Oh, so it wasn't just to see me? I'm hurt," Arashi sighs dramatically and Mika laughs, humming happily when Arashi moves to mostly lie on top of him. "I washed them and put them away properly, you know...no way I'd leave clothes crumpled up in a plastic bag for two weeks," he sniffs.  
  
"Uh," Mika blushes, kind of glad Arashi can't see his face because even when they were fighting he'd ended up being way sweeter than Mika probably would ever have been. "Thanks."  
  
"Of course, honey," Arashi sits up, settling his hands back on Mika's skin and starting to move again. "Mm, after this, what do you say to ordering take-out and watching movies for the rest of the night?"  
  
"Sounds perfect," he admits, still kind of in disbelief that everything today is actually happening. It feels like a dream, since this is the kind of thing he'd only ever thought would happen with Arashi in his imagination, but somehow it's real and he knows he can't take it for granted.  
  
"Good," Arashi works on his back a little more and Mika almost feels like falling asleep, but he forces himself to stay awake so he can just enjoy somebody treating him like he's special. "I think that's all I can do. I'd love to give you a full-body massage sometime but..."  
  
"Oh," Mika realizes belatedly that he's half-hard and if Arashi was doing the same thing to his front he'd just done on his back there's no way he'd come out of it unaffected. "Yeah. That's prob'ly best fer now."  
  
The phone rings again and Arashi sighs, wiping his hands off and reaching for it. "It's my agency. I'd better take this," he sounds like he'd rather not but Mika knows that the most important thing for his work is to get away from his ex, so obviously he needs to.  
  
"Go ahead," Mika urges, getting a tiny smile from Arashi as he gets off of the bed and exits the room with the phone to his ear.  
  
Mika stays where he is, not wanting to roll over and get oil on Arashi's sheets, but he props his chin on his arms and thinks absently about how okay he is with Arashi seeing him naked now.  
  
Normally he'd be scrambling for the blankets or clothes or something to cover himself up, but he's just lying completely nude in Arashi's bed and feeling absolutely fine with it.  
  
He feels something land on the bed and looks over his shoulder, grinning when Arashi's cat gingerly makes its way over to him and nudges him playfully.  
  
"Hey," he shifts enough that he can scratch under her chin, getting a pleased rumble in return. He keeps petting her, laughing quietly as she soaks up the attention and mewls rather pitifully the second his fingers leave her fur. "Y' really are like yer owner, huh?"  
  
"We both crave attention," Arashi replies and Mika jumps a little, looking over his shoulder to see Arashi staring at him with a rather unreadable expression. "Though if the person giving it is ridiculously attractive and naked in my bed, I might crave it even more," he mentions and okay, _now_ Mika wants to cover up, but that's just his normal reaction to Arashi saying things like that about him and not really because he's ashamed of anything.  
  
"How'd yer call go?" he decides that's a safer topic and Arashi tosses the phone onto his dresser, flopping down beside Mika.  
  
"As well as can be expected. Luckily the agency isn't as gullible as its models and they know this isn't the first time somebody's had a problem with this guy...I guess he's too good for them to let go but since most of the models there seem to believe he's telling the truth, I wouldn't want to work around them anyway," he rolls onto his back and Mika scrambles up so he's lying on Arashi's chest, looking up at him.  
  
"One day his looks aren't gonna get him anywhere and then he'll have nothin'," Mika says firmly, staring into Arashi's eyes. " 's like Izumi said, he's pretty average lookin', at least compared t' the two of you."  
  
"I'll tell Izumi-chan you think he's pretty," Arashi's obviously teasing, though Mika hopes he won't because he has no idea how Izumi would react to something like that coming from somebody like him.  
  
But, well, models probably have people telling them they're beautiful all the time, so it might not matter at all in the end.  
  
"Not as pretty as you," he mumbles, pushing himself up enough to kiss Arashi.  
  
Arashi cups his cheek and deepens the kiss a little, pulling Mika closer, but he pulls away before it can go too far.  
  
"Thank you. Now, how about that take-out?" he smiles and Mika nods, although before he can move away Arashi locks an arm around his back and kisses him again. "Mm, take-out, right," he lets Mika go with obvious reluctance, only leaving long enough to pick up his phone again before he's back and cuddling close.  
  
Mika curls up in his lap, knowing that whatever Arashi orders will be good, and loses himself in the comforting feeling of Arashi's fingers stroking gently through his hair.  
  
Tomorrow he'll have to go back to reality, but maybe he'll have the chance to have more days like this the next time he gets a break.  
  
Yeah. He'd like that.  
  
And, for the first time, he can say with absolute certainty that he knows _Arashi_ will like it, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Sorry for the wait on this chapter!! I've been rather swamped with school and work and too many other writing ideas but I'm trying not to neglect any of the fics I've got going right now :) 
> 
> 2\. It was really hard getting them to behave in this chapter but I think it's important that they build their relationship up a little again before getting into anything more (though that's coming, don't worry ;) )
> 
> 3\. Thank you all as always for the lovely comments and please let me know what you thought!


	11. Chapter 11

"Can I come over tonight?"  
  
"Huh?" Mika looks at Arashi curiously, blinking and trying to figure out why he's asking. "Uh, yeah, if y' wanna," he eventually says, reaching out to gently grip Arashi's chin and holding his head steady for a kiss. "Why?"  
  
"Because I want to be selfish," Arashi replies, hauling Mika into his lap and kissing him more insistently. "I want you."  
  
"Nn, Naru-chan, y' can't say things like that when I'm gettin' ready for work," Mika groans, hiding his face against Arashi's neck.   
  
"It's been two weeks, Mika-chan. Not that time has anything to do with it, really, but if you want to, I think..." he sighs, smiling up at Mika.   
  
"Yeah?" Mika knows his cheeks are probably beet-red with how hot they've suddenly gotten, but thinking about doing that with Arashi _still_ makes him feel like an awkward teenager.   
  
...not that he'll ever be anything other than awkward, of course, but he's not a teenager anymore.   
  
"We can take it slow? Start off with just fingers and see if you like it?" Arashi suggests, arms wrapped around Mika's waist. "I'm...assuming if things have felt good for you so far that it'll..." he clears his throat, looking rather uncharacteristically unsure. "That...well, we'll see tonight, okay?" he winks, obviously trying to cover his nerves.   
  
"Okay. I'll, uh, tell Oshi-san yer comin' so he c'n do whatever he needs to t' make sure we don't disturb him," he mentions, trying not to sound too ashamed because even though Shu knows he and Arashi aren't exactly doing innocent things together, it's still not something he likes to advertise.   
  
"Mm, good idea," Arashi leans in to kiss him again and Mika lets him for a few seconds before he reluctantly pulls away.   
  
" 've gotta...work. I'll see y' later?"   
  
"Of course," Arashi lets him go, smiling at him and blushing a little, and Mika hesitates for a second before leaning down and kissing his forehead.   
  
It seems like the thing to do to reassure somebody, that's all, and even if Mika's not very good at that sort of thing. he's willing to try for Arashi.   
  
After all, this time, he's not the one that's going to be nervous.   


000

  
Not being nervous doesn't mean he's not thinking about it all day, though, and he has to be extra careful not to burn or cut himself while he's working.

At least focusing on that takes his mind off of how slow the clock seems to be moving, but once his shift is done, he throws his things into his bag and rushes home as fast as he can to get ready.

And yes, he's done some research, even though it had been incredibly awkward and seemed like way too much work just to get ready for sex with the amount of cleaning that seemed to be required... _there_...so he just decides to shower and wash as well as he can.

He hopes it's enough, but he spends so long under the spray that by the time he gets into his robe the bell's already ringing and he's rushing through the house to open the door.

Shu would probably threaten Arashi if he got there first, and that's the last thing they need right now.

"Naru-chan, hey!" he throws open the door, almost breathless, hair a ruffled damp mess and his robe coming half-undone.

"Is this a bad time?" Arashi reaches to help him do up the belt, keeping his hands around Mika's waist. "I couldn't wait any longer."

"No, 's fine, I was jes'...uh, gettin' clean, y' know, _there_ , so I hope 's good..." he trails off when Arashi starts laughing and feels kind of like an idiot.

"Oh, honey, I'm not laughing _at_ you! But you didn't need to go through all that trouble," Arashi hugs him and Mika cuddles against his shoulder, sighing. "I mean, of course being clean is important, but I know you are."

Mika pulls back when he hears footsteps behind him, glancing over his shoulder at Shu.

"I'll just grab some sewing supplies and retreat to my room, shall I? Take care of him," he directs this to Arashi, who nods and stands up a little taller. "Good," he gives Mika a rather searching look before disappearing down the hallway, and a few seconds later they can hear the hum of a white noise machine loudly whirring to life.

"Well, he seems prepared," Arashi moves inside the entrance and reaches to close the door. "Do you need anything else before we start?"

"Nope," Mika tries to sound confident but his voice kind of comes out as a squeak, and Arashi hugs him again.

"Baby, this is supposed to be fun. It's just us, right?"

"I know," Mika mumbles against his collar. " 's jes bein' with you always gets me extra anxious 'cuz I love ya so much."

"Mika," Arashi sounds a little choked up. "It's not going to be perfect the first time, but I want to make this as good for you as it possibly can be, okay? If you're enjoying it, I promise I'll be happy."

"Okay," Mika takes a deep breath and straightens up, reaching to take Arashi's hand. "Let's go."  


000

  
He decides, by the time Arashi's three fingers in and it feels like his body's going to shake apart by the intense amount of bliss coursing through him, that he'd really been worrying for nothing.

For once, not being able to feel pain is working entirely in his favour, and while it's still _weird,_ he's mostly too happy to care.

"See? I told you," Arashi grins, leaning in for a kiss as Mika wraps himself more tightly around him. "I'm going to do something..."

Arashi's fingers press up and a shock of pleasure so intense that Mika can't stop himself from crying out rips through him, making his toes curl and his nerves tingle and he _almost_ comes just from that (though he's glad he didn't because that would be kind of embarrassing).

"Wh-"

"Okay, so you can definitely feel that," Arashi's eyes are bright. "Good. That's going to make this a lot more enjoyable for you."

"Jes' don'...uh...if yer gonna do that again, I'm gonna..." he swallows and Arashi laughs, leaning in to kiss his forehead.

"Making you come more than once could be a challenge," he grins and Mika wonders how he can even blush considering most of his blood seems to be heading south at the moment, but by the way his cheeks heat up he's pretty sure he is. "I'm joking, honey. Well, not entirely, but for today."

"Okay," Mika tightens his grip around Arashi's neck, his hands sliding a little on the other man's shoulders with how sweaty they are. "What else d'you hafta do?"

"Mm, this is really it...but I want to take some extra time with you just in case," he keeps pumping his fingers in and out, burying his face against Mika's neck and letting his teeth scrape up the line of Mika's throat. It tickles more than anything but Mika still knows it's a rather possessive action and realizing that Arashi would want to claim _him_ makes him feel tingly all over.

"How are we gonna do this?"

"Do you realize how strange it is to have you speaking to me like we're having a normal conversation and I don't have three fingers inside of you right now?" he shifts his hand a bit again and Mika feels his eyes roll back. "That's better."

"Yer mean," Mika whines when he catches enough of his breath to speak again.

"Am I?" Arashi smirks, his hand moving again, and Mika shakes his head.

"Naru-chan, 'm serious, don't..." he breathes out slowly when Arashi stops moving.

"I'll take it easy on you tonight, I promise," Arashi slides his fingers out and Mika groans a little because it feels even _weirder_ now. "And...it's easier from behind, but I think you want to be facing me. Right?" he looks unsure but Mika just nods, glancing away.

"I'm prob'ly gonna be makin' some really weird faces, but yeah," he mumbles.

"Well, we're both in the same boat there, so no need to be self-conscious," Arashi moves back. "So you can stay there...here," he pulls a pillow over and gets Mika to lift his hips so he can slip it under, keeping his body raised a little. "That'll make it easier."

"Okay," Mika watches him roll a condom onto himself and slick his cock before wiping his hand on the sheets. "Naru-chan?"

"Mm?"

"I love you," he says clearly, because he _needs_ to say it, and when Arashi looks at him his eyes are bright.

"I love you too, Mika. I really do," he slides closer and leans in to kiss Mika. "Honey, you're everything."

"Will you be my boyfriend?" Mika blurts out, clapping a hand over his mouth a second later. "Sorry. I know y' said y' didn' wanna put a label on this but I..."

"Mika," Arashi reaches for his hand and squeezes it tightly. "Of course I will."

" 'M sorry if I'm bringin' up bad stuff, y'know? I don't wanna do that," Mika sits up and wraps his arms around Arashi's neck. "About..."

"No," Arashi says shortly. "No, what happened was in the past and it...it changed me, I know that, but you've helped me more than you'll ever realize. Hearing that you think I'm beautiful or that you love me...it doesn't scare me anymore. I know you're strong and that you can make it through anything. And that you can talk to me if...if you need it."

" 'Course I can. You c'n always come t' me too, alright?" he kisses Arashi's cheek and lies back down.

"I know, honey. Are you ready?" Arashi leans over him, rubbing the side of Mika's leg. "Lift your hips for me, okay?"

"Mm," Mika does, letting Arashi move him however he wants. He brackets his legs around Arashi's hips, trying to keep his own raised off of the pillow for now.

"Fuck, this is weird," Arashi mumbles and Mika looks at him curiously, blinking slowly. "I keep...wanting to say things to you that don't make any sense considering..."

"Oh. Like, uh, t' tell you if it hurts except I can't 'n stuff?" he guesses, and Arashi nods. "Well...I can tell you if it feels good. 's that okay?"

"Yeah. Tell me if something doesn't feel right," Arashi kisses his forehead. "And stay relaxed for me. Your body might tense up on instinct even if you're not worried about pain just because you've never felt anything like this before."

"Okay," he wraps his arms around Arashi's neck and pulls him into a kiss, though he can tell Arashi's distracted by the way he keeps moving, and then Mika feels a dull pressure that's not really _uncomfortable_ but definitely new.

Arashi shivers and gasps into his mouth, tongue licking insistently at his lips until he parts them. He can tell when Arashi stops moving, and when he breaks the kiss his breathing is uneven and his eyes are almost all pupil so obviously he can feel a lot more than Mika can right now.

"Good?" Mika asks, reaching to brush his hair back.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that? You're so calm it's making me feel like the virgin here," he laughs and Mika has to smile a little at that.

"Well, y've never done it this way before, so we're both kinda outta our element, huh?" he pulls Arashi closer with his legs. "I c'n feel you inside me though and that's...I like it," he says shyly.

"I like it, too," Arashi promises. "Though...I'm probably not going to last long..." he winces and shifts his knees on the bed.

"Well, we c'n work on it. Right?"

"Of course. I'm hoping this is only the first of many times," Arashi gives him a gentle smile that Mika associates with him being completely truthful and it makes him feel warm all over. "I'm going to move now, okay?"

"Okay," Mika tries to keep himself relaxed even though he can't really _tell_ if he is or not, but even if it doesn't feel like much he can _still feel Arashi inside of him_ and that by itself is pretty amazing. "Yer so beautiful," he murmurs without meaning to and Arashi looks at him in surprise.

"I probably look like a mess right now," his laughs nervously, moving back before thrusting his hips forward again.

Mika slides on the bed a little and tries to rock back in time with Arashi's movements, and they quickly slide into an easy rhythm.

Arashi braces one hand under his back and lifts him up a little more, changing the angle, and it makes his cock nudge against Mika's prostate and oh.

_Oh_.

He bites his lip to keep from letting out a rather embarrassing moan, hearing Arashi's breathy laughter in response. "Don't hold back. Your Oshi-san bought a noise machine for a reason, right?"

"Yeah, bu-"

Arashi cut him off with another well-timed circle of his hips and Mika can't stop himself from making noise that time, his fingers digging into Arashi's shoulders.

"Y' did that on purpose!"

"Did I?" Arashi tries and fails horribly at looking innocent, though Mika can't say he's actually _mad_ at him. "I'm going to try and keep you off the bed so if you need to touch yourself..."

"Yeah. Okay," Mika doesn't, not yet anyway, but Arashi's fucking _strong_ and that means every thrust is hitting a spot that makes Mika's entire body feel like it's on fire from the pleasure.

They don't talk after that, mostly because they can't. Arashi keeps pressing kisses to any part of him he can reach, meeting his lips occasionally and swallowing the needy noises Mika seems incapable of _not_ making now.

It takes a lot of effort to unwind one of his arms from Arashi's neck and reach down between their bodies, wrapping his sweaty hand around his cock and starting to jerk himself off in time with Arashi's movements.

"Mika...Mika, I..." Arashi gasps against his lips, and then he just stops and his entire body goes still. He's quiet when he comes, like his orgasm stole all the breath from his body, but he still looks beautiful and if Mika had any ability to speak right then he would have said so again.

His grip goes slack, letting Mika's body drop to the bed, and a moment later Arashi bats his hand away and starts stroking him quickly.

It doesn't take long, not now, and he kisses Mika through his orgasm, only pulling away when their lungs are screaming for air.

"Fuck," he groans, almost collapsing on top of Mika.

Mika makes a little croaking noise that he's embarrassed about but it's all he can do, and Arashi laughs weakly and nuzzles his neck.

They stay there until both of them catch their breath, Mika slowly letting his legs fall from around Arashi's hips when he can move them again.

Arashi carefully lowers his body, obviously trying not to lie directly on top of Mika, but he's still inside of him and Mika kind of wants him to stay there for a while.

"Can I..."

"Yeah," he smiles.  Obviously, Arashi's having similar thoughts, and he lets out a happy little hum when Arashi kisses his throat. "Thank you."

"No. Thank _you_ ," Arashi murmurs, and while Mika wants to protest that there's nothing to thank him for, a yawn cuts him off instead and he decides that maybe it's not so important right now.

He should just let himself cherish this, so that's what he's going to do.  


000

  
"Kagehira! I don't need to know what you're doing, but do either of you want something to eat?"

Mika blinks at the door, because his stomach _does_ feel a little empty, but he also doesn't want to move again. Arashi had basically carried him to the shower earlier to clean up and check for any injuries (which was _really_ awkward but he understood why it had to be done), and now he's quite happy to stay cuddled in bed.

"I'll just leave it outside the door, shall I?"

"Thanks, Oshi-san!" he calls.  Apparently Shu had already made food even before asking them.

"Be right back," Arashi kisses his forehead and hops out of bed, hurrying to the door and opening it only long enough to grab the tray on the floor before coming back. "Mika, I think I love your Oshi-san."

"Did he make y' karaage again?" Mika sits up, letting Arashi set the tray on the bed.  He gratefully takes one of the glasses of water Shu had also thought to get for them, downing about half of it in one swallow.

"He takes good care of you, huh?" Arashi says quietly, picking up a piece of chicken and chewing it thoughtfully. "I feel awful for thinking horrible things of him back in high school."

"I mean, y've come a long way from wantin' to punch him in the face," Mika teases. Arashi lightly shoves his shoulder and holds another piece of food up just far enough away that Mika has to strain forward to take it from him.

"I thought he deserved it! But I would have done anything for you, you know. I _still_ would do anything for you," he adds.

"I know. Y've always been good t' me," Mika offers Arashi some karaage this time and Arashi grins and eats it.   

"I'm going to try my best to always be good to you," Arashi promises, reaching for Mika's hand.

Mika squeezes Arashi's fingers, not letting go of him as they keep eating.

Everything just...feels _right_ at the moment, and he wants to burn it into his memory forever even though he hopes they'll have many, _many_ more nights like this in the future.

For now, though, he's just going to enjoy the present as much as he can.

And, considering how happy he is, he has a feeling that's going to be a pretty easy thing to do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a while to get out! The canon aramika content in the Halloween and Christmas events has been distracting me from writing my own, but I'm really glad their relationship is so strong because, in a shippy way or not, they're very important to each other. And we did get a few more details about Arashi's past in the new event so I can be a little less vague with those parts of the story from here on out...
> 
> As always, please let me know what you thought! There will probably only be a few more chapters of this fic but it's definitely not done yet :)


	12. Chapter 12

Mika doesn't expect to wake up until morning considering how exhausted he'd been after everything, but the sound of somebody shuffling around the bed rouses him almost instantly even though it's still dark outside.   
  
"Oshi-san?" he murmurs, since there's nobody else he could think of that would be skulking about his room.   
  
"Go back to sleep," Shu murmurs, pulling the blankets up around Mika a little more.   
  
"Mm, what'cha doin'?" Mika tucks his head under Arashi's chin, snuggling into his warmth. He hasn't woken up, his breath ruffling Mika's hair gently.   
  
"Just gathering up the dishes I left the both of you before," Shu replies, bending to pick up the tray and setting the glasses and plate on it. "Do you require anything else?"  
  
"Nn, 'm good," Mika decides, mostly because he doesn't feel like moving.   
  
Shu nods, moving closer to the bed and hesitating for a moment before he reaches to pat Mika's head.   
  
"Whassat for?" Mika blinks up at him, surprised.   
  
"I'm very glad that you've found somebody that makes you happy," Shu replies, his eyes lingering on Arashi.   
  
"Yeah," Mika nuzzles Arashi's shoulder gently, not wanting to wake him up. "He really does."  
  
"Good. You deserve that," Shu cards his fingers gently through Mika's hair a few more times before stepping back and steadying the tray in his hands. "Sleep well, Kagehira."  
  
"You too, Oshi-san," Mika yawns, cuddling even closer to Arashi. "And thanks."  
  
"No need to thank me," Shu replies brusquely, sweeping out of the room and closing the door behind him.     
  
Mika grins into the darkness, knowing that Shu's typical cover to when he's feeling flattered or embarrassed is to pretend he's not affected at all, and he's pretty sure that's what had just happened.   
  
He closes his eyes and sighs happily, shifting a little to get comfortable. Arashi murmurs, his body unfurling and pulling some of the covers away.   
  
"Mm, what time is it?" he asks, tugging the blankets back in and wrapping them both up tightly.   
  
"Early," Mika replies, resting his hand over the curve of Arashi's hip. "Oshi-san jes came t' get the dishes and stuff, so 'm sorry if we woke y' up."  
  
"It's fine," Arashi runs a hand through his hair and then buries his nose in Mika's. "Anything to make the morning come slower."  
  
"Why? What's up?" Mika doesn't like the sound of that, anyway, and suddenly he's not feeling quite so tired anymore.   
  
"I don't want you to worry, but I have to go back to the...the agency," Arashi sounds resigned. "My manager's pretty much gotten me out of there, but I've got to go in and finalize some of my job obligations...and return some clothes," he looks annoyed about that. "Izumi-chan's coming with me because _he'll_ probably be there, but..."  
  
"I'll come, too," Mika says immediately. "I don' wan' you anywhere near him, but if there's two of us there, we c'n probably make sure yer safe."  
  
"Honey, you need to rest," Arashi says gently. "You won't be in any pain, of course, but your body..."  
  
" 's fine. Y' can check me to make sure I'm not bleedin' or anythin', right? And I'm not lettin' you face him alone again," Mika feels that familiar burning in his chest again but this time it's not jealousy, it's just plain _anger_.   
  
"You're going to punch him if you come," Arashi's teasing now, his lips pressing against Mika's forehead.   
  
"I c'n control myself as long as he doesn't come anywhere near you," Mika promises. "I wanna be there."  
  
"Okay," Arashi chuckles. "I know how stubborn you can get, so if that's your decision, then I'm glad to have the backup," he leans to kiss Mika properly now, pulling away after a few seconds.   
  
"Good. And then hopefully y' never hafta see this asshole again," Mika growls, pulling Arashi bodily to him.   
  
"Ooh, Mika, I like when you get possessive," Arashi slides his hand down Mika's back.   
  
"Uh...well, I mean," Mika hopes the darkness is hiding his blush because he hadn't really meant to do that but...but it's true, and he's still in awe every day that Arashi is... "Yer mine, right?"  
  
"Of course I am. Proudly so," Arashi smiles at him. "And you're mine, too. My Mika," he hums, his free hand pressing against Mika's chest just above his heart. "My beautiful Mika."  
  
"Naru-chan," Mika whines a little, starting to laugh because even though it's embarrassing he's also extremely flattered.   
  
It feels good to be called that, to know that he _is_ that, and that above all they belong to each other.   
  
"Well, I can show him how I've taken a step up, anyway," Arashi winks and now Mika really doubts that, because he can't compete with a tall, gorgeous, perfectly sculpted model and more than likely this guy will just laugh at him if he sees him.  
  
"He prob'ly won't see it that way," he mumbles, glancing down so he doesn't have to see Arashi's expression. "I'm jes..."  
  
"Beautiful. As I said," Arashi repeats, sounding sure. "And I'll tell you that as many times as you need to hear it."  
  
"Thanks," Mika kisses his shoulder, feeling a little better. He isn't really convinced, of course - even though Shu had pretty much said the same thing, so he knows Arashi isn't just saying it because they're dating - but if Arashi thinks so, then it's okay.   
  
"Of course, honey. Now, why don't we try to get some sleep so we don't look likes zombies tomorrow?" he wraps both arms around Mika and pulls him up higher onto his chest.  
  
"Yeah. Sounds good," Mika lets his eyes close again, breathing Arashi in and letting his warmth lull him back to sleep.   


000

  
"Sena! Don't threaten my doll," is what Shu greets Izumi with the next morning, stomping out of the house in a righteous huff while still dressed in his pyjamas.

"Wh- oh," Izumi doesn't look particularly concerned as he shrugs, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Hey, nobody else is gonna do it so I kind of have to since Naru-kun's my...whatever the hell he is," Izumi gestures vaguely and Arashi snorts.

"Charming, Izumi-chan," he replies, linking arms with Mika and heading down the walkway to the street. "And he threatened me, too, so you should be defending me."

"Hey, I did something nice for you! That's all you get!" Izumi protests, scurrying after them and shooting a long look back in Shu's direction. "And Itsuki's way closer to the kid than I am to you."

"My hero," Arashi says dryly. "Defending my honour so nobly."

"Shut up," Izumi replies with a huff, brushing past them and heading in the direction of the train station. "See if I ever do anything for you again!"

"I need to make a list of the number of times he's vowed that and done it anyway," Arashi mentions and Mika finally starts to laugh, having tried to hold it in until Izumi was out of earshot.

He likes this side of Arashi, honestly, because he's got a biting wit and can keep up with Izumi's banter. Quite frankly, it's helped to make Izumi less frightening for him, and by now he's realized the other man is really all bark and no bite so he doesn't feel threatened by him at all anymore.

"Hurry up," Izumi turns around, sweeping his sunglasses off and all but posing on the sidewalk until they catch up, and this time the train ride is a lot less tense.

Or at least, the atmosphere between Mika and Izumi is a lot less tense, but Mika can tell Arashi's nervous because he gets quieter and more withdrawn the closer they get to their destination. He reaches to hold Arashi's hand, gripping it gently and smiling at him when Arashi turns, and he gets a half-smile in return.

"Sorry. I'll be back to my usual self once this is over," he pats Mika's arm and relaxes against the seat.

"Nothing's gonna happen this time. Not with both of us there," Izumi grunts, and while he seems assured, Mika still can't help but feel a little apprehensive. Last time Arashi had encountered this guy it had led to them fighting, after all, and he really doesn't want a repeat of that after they've finally sorted everything out.

"Yeah,"Arashi sounds about as sure as Mika feels - that is, not very - and Mika squeezes his hand and hopes that him being around is helping.

Even if it's just a little bit, if he can make Arashi feel better, then him coming is worth it after all.  


000

  
They actually manage to get to the head office and drop off the clothing without running into anybody that recognizes Arashi, but of course that kind of luck never lasts long were Mika's involved and they hear a rather scathing voice call out to them just as they step off the elevator on the ground floor.

Arashi tenses up, his entire body going rigid in a way that lets Mika know without asking who the speaker is.

"Let's go. Don't even bother with-" Izumi starts, but Arashi shakes his head, drawing himself up to his full height and turning around.

"No. I need to settle this," Arashi says firmly, and Izumi shrugs, seemingly content to leave it there.

"Why are you still sneaking around here, huh? Though I guess since you're a snake, maybe it's fitting," the guy crosses his arms, his voice loud enough that a couple of other people in the lobby turn to look. There's two other models with him, both of them tall and broad enough that Mika really hopes this doesn't get physical because he's going to have no chance.

"You can drop the act anytime, you know," Arashi replies, leaning back casually and resting one hand on his hip. "You and I both know the truth, anyway."

"That's right. We do," he keeps smirking and Mika really, _really_ wants to get out of here.

"Good, then," Arashi's voice is cool and calm. "Besides, you got what you wanted. I'm out of your hair forever now, so there's no reason for you to ever see me or speak to me again."

"Is that your new boyfriend?" the guy gestures to Mika, who squeaks and tries to hide behind Arashi. "I guess you'll spread your legs for anyone, huh?"

And okay, _that's_ going too far, and Mika starts to move before Izumi grabs his arm and shakes his head. "Let him handle it."

"Well, since all of the people I've had intimate relationships with are part of this conversation, I think your definition of 'anyone' is a little loose. However, since I'm sure you can't say the same, I don't see what you're trying to accomplish," Arashi reaches for Mika's hand and Mika takes it, pressing himself to Arashi's side and trying to level his best glare at the guy.

And Mika can tell that Arashi's nonchalant attitude is working. He's not sure what this bastard expected, really, since Arashi's not the type to get overly emotional in such a public setting, but he can tell that his utter lack of reaction is starting to piss him off.

"I see no need for us to hang around any longer. Hopefully I never have the displeasure of encountering you in the future," Arashi turns around, pulling Mika with him, and they start to walk out of the building.

"He's really the best you could do? If you were trying to make me regret it, you'll have to do better than some scrawny weirdo kid with creepy eyes and-"

And Mika doesn't even see Arashi move, but the next thing he knows the guy's on his back on the floor with his hand clapped over his mouth.

"You can say anything you want about me, but don't _ever_ insult Mika," Arashi's voice is still perfectly level as he unclenches his fist, barely sparing the guy a glance when he cheerfully takes Mika's arm again and leads him out of the building.

"You _idiot_!" Izumi hisses once they're outside. "They have cameras everywhere in there! You really think...fuck, Naru-kun, you could have just screwed up your entire _career_!"

"No job is worth keeping if it means somebody I love is going to be hurt," Arashi says, flexing his fingers and staring down at his hand. "And he had it coming. He's had it coming for a long, long time."

"You could have broken your hand," Izumi grabs Arashi's wrist and stares at his fingers for a while.

"That wasn't even a full strength punch," Arashi doesn't look concerned.

"Y' would've killed Oshi-san fer sure, in that case," Mika mumbles, staring at Arashi in awe, and Arashi starts laughing and hugs Mika tightly.

"Oh, honey, you always know how to make me feel better," he doesn't seem inclined to let go so Mika hugs him back, clutching the back of his shirt. "In hindsight, that was probably a bad idea."

"He could charge you," Izumi seems satisfied that Arashi isn't injured, although he's still scowling.

"At most I bruised his ego, so I doubt it'll come to anything," he sighs. "I'd do it again, though."

"Still," Izumi huffs and crosses his arms. "I mean, I can't exactly blame you because he was way out of line, but..."

"I know," Arashi promises, reaching to pat his arm. "If anything happens, I'll deal with it then, but there's not much I can do now," he grins sheepishly.

"It was kinda hot. I mean," Mika clears his throat and Arashi gives him a rather appraising look, narrowing his eyes slightly. "Like, I know yer plenty fast and strong, but seein' it..."

"Okay, no more foreplay when I'm around," Izumi shoves his way between them. "Wait until you're back in your room."

"Or you could join us. Mika told me he thinks you're pretty..."

"Naru-chan!" Mika whines at the same time Izumi makes a rather exaggerated gagging noise, but Mika can't really be too embarrassed because Arashi's genuinely happy again.

"Okay, okay," Arashi shakes his head, grabbing Mika's hand. "But you can't say I didn't offer."

"You're fucking annoying with your clothes _on_ so I don't think it'd be any different with them off," Izumi grunts, his face a little flushed as he turns on his heel and heads toward the train station.

"Well I doubt he's any more charming with his clothes off, either," Arashi murmurs, low enough for only Mika to hear, and then they're both laughing as Izumi turns and yells at them to hurry up.

Yeah, Mika thinks as Arashi starts to move just slowly enough to aggravate Izumi even more, things are back to normal.

And he's glad for it.  


000

  
"Give me a drink."

"What makes you think I have alcohol?" Shu doesn't look particularly impressed to be greeted by Izumi this way, but he steps to the side and lets him enter the house. "No, in the first place, why would you make such a demand? Did something go awry?"

"Naru-kun decided it would be a good idea to punch his ex in the face," Izumi replies with a grunt, seating himself without preamble at the kitchen table.

"Your hand!" Shu's fussing over Arashi immediately, grabbing his wrist much the same way Izumi had done earlier. "Such perfection should not be marred..."

"It's fine, Oshi-san," Arashi replies, the title falling from his lips easily, and Shu looks up in surprise. "Sorry. I'm used to Mika calling you that..."

"No matter," Shu clears his throat, but Mika can tell he's flattered and a little flustered by it. "Are you quite sure you're uninjured?"

"Mm," Arashi agrees vaguely. "He was bad-mouthing Mika, you know? I couldn't let that slide."

"Yes, I can imagine I would have felt the same urge," Shu admits, dropping Arashi's wrist. "Well, Sena, I'm quite sure I have wine, if you're that desperate."

"Whatever," Izumi grunts, slumping over the table. "As long as it's alcohol."

Shu sighs and goes to dig around for some glasses as Arashi tugs Mika over to the table, sitting down and pulling the smaller man into his lap.

"There's enough chairs fer all of us..."

"I know," Arashi informs him, which seems to imply that he'd rather Mika stayed there and, honestly, Mika doesn't see much of a problem with that.

"Sena, you seem far more upset than anyone else," Shu comments idly as he comes back with the bottle and a couple of glasses. "Which, considering that it doesn't seem to affect you, is rather odd from what I recall."

"Look, I could have..." Izumi sighs. "I could have gotten in some pretty major trouble for what I did to Yuu-kun back in high school and it's only because he's too damn nice that I didn't. I got off easy, so if I'm a little cautious when it comes to seeing other people I... _know_...possibly getting into trouble, that shouldn't be a surprise."

"Were you going to say other people you like? Care about?" Arashi presses, leaning his chin on his hand and smirking knowingly.

"Fuck off," Izumi replies, taking the wine Shu passes him and draining about half the glass in a single swallow.

"Honestly, I appreciate your concern," Arashi continues, wrapping his arms around Mika's waist now and holding him steady. "But while I have no doubt he'd love to get some sort of revenge on me now...well, like I told Mika, the company already knows he's not exactly the golden boy he pretends to be, so something like this might end up hurting him if he tries to make a big deal out of it."

"I hope you're right," Izumi stares at the wine for a while, his brow furrowed. "You know I'll vouch for you either way."

"Yes. Because you 'know' me," Arashi hums, although this time instead of getting angry Izumi just looks resigned.

"Sometimes I wish I didn't, but I guess that's life, huh," he comments, causing Arashi to gasp in mock-outrage.

"Well, it seems there's nothing to be done about this at the moment, in any case," Shu's drinking his own wine in a much more refined way. "But I suppose it would be rude if me to not offer you both dinner now that you're here."

"I can help," Izumi stands up. "I mean, I'm a pretty good cook, and it'll get my mind off of everything else."

"If you insist," Shu doesn't look particularly inclined to disagree, in any case, and Mika thinks that watching them trying to cooperate on this will at least be interesting even if he's not sure of the results.

Arashi's still not letting go of him so he relaxes back into his arms, feeling comfortable and safe.

Maybe for once things will go his way, he thinks, loosely tangling his fingers with Arashi's. It doesn't happen often, but maybe this time they'll be able to move on and put everything with Arashi's old boyfriend behind them.

He'd like that, and he knows Arashi feels the same, so maybe for once...

Maybe for once they'll both get their wish. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is definitely coming to an end now; I'm thinking one or two more chapters (or one and an epilogue, depending on how much I can fit into it!) but I've had so much fun writing it and again, thank you all for the support and wonderful comments. 
> 
> I would also like to thank canon for letting us know Arashi's got a breaking point where physical violence becomes an option (especially if Mika is involved) because otherwise I would have considered it OOC and probably would have written this chapter a different way.


	13. Chapter 13

"Good morning, Mika-chin!"  
  
"Huh? Nazuna-nii!" Mika holds open his arms for the hug Nazuna gives him, grinning happily. He hasn't seen Nazuna since the day they met up at the mall, mostly because he's been dealing with everything with Arashi.   
  
"I don't know how you two got any sleep since I sure as hell didn't," Izumi's slumped over the table with a coffee cup held between his hands, scowling and honestly looking like he hasn't slept a wink.   
  
"Because you're worried," Nazuna supplies, wandering over and seating himself on Izumi's knee without hesitation.   
  
It's not a bad thing, since there's only four chairs and Mika would feel awkward sitting on Arashi's lap again, but he hadn't realized Nazuna and Izumi were so close.   
  
"I don't care about him, Nazunyan," Izumi grumbles, barely looking up when Arashi wanders out of Mika's bedroom with his hair slightly damp. "I don't care about you," he announces loudly and Arashi blinks.   
  
"Sure, honey," he replies absently, grabbing a cup and pouring coffee for himself. "Hello, Nazuna-chan," he greets with a smile, and Mika notices that he doesn't look surprised about Nazuna's chosen seat.   
  
Mika slides into one of the empty chairs while Arashi takes the other, something completely unconcerned about his demeanour that Mika knows is a front.   
  
Contrary to what Izumi believes, they _hadn't_ really slept that well. Arashi had been tense and Mika knew he was worried about what was going to happen, and that made _him_ worry.   
  
He reaches for Arashi's hand and squeezes it tightly, hoping he can offer at least a little bit of comfort even if there's not much else any of them can do until Arashi hears from his manager.   
  
"Maybe I could have slept like these lovebirds if I hadn't been on the couch," Izumi mutters into his mug.   
  
"Need I remind you that you are the one who came into my home uninvited, drank my alcohol, ate my food, and demanded a place to stay for the night?" Shu asks, one elbow hooked over the back of his chair. "You're quite lucky I didn't kick you out altogether."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, you could have at least offered your bed," Izumi replies, which causes Shu to scoff.   
  
"I don't offer my bed to freeloaders, and that would in turn mean I would have to sleep in the sofa, which is certainly not an option," he sniffs and picks up his own cup, though Mika knows he's drinking tea and not coffee. "You have a long way to go before I would even consider allowing you to stay in my room, Sena."  
  
"I didn't mean _with_ you," Izumi's cheeks look a little red now and Mika tries not to laugh because he knows Shu well enough to know he hadn't been thinking of anything indecent when he said that, though it was pretty easy to see how it could be taken that way.   
  
"The couch isn't that bad, Izumi-chin," Nazuna glances over into the living area.   
  
"Maybe for you since you're tiny," Izumi grunts, scowling when Nazuna pats his head. "Oi."  
  
Arashi's phone rings before they can argue about sleeping arrangements any more, and while Mika's kind of grateful for that, he's also dreading what's going to happen now.   
  
"I'll just..." Arashi looks back toward Mika's bedroom, giving them all a thin smile before walking hurriedly out of the kitchen.   
  
"How bad do you think it's going to be?" Nazuna asks softly, looking at Izumi.   
  
"Honestly, it depends how much of a spin his asshole ex put on it, but since that whole agency seems to be sucking his dick I'm not too hopeful," he admits, not even bothering to cover up his concern this time. "He really must love you, huh?"  
  
"I never wanted 'im t' risk his career fer me," Mika replies testily, instantly defensive. He can stand up to Izumi if he has to.   
  
"I know. But he did anyway, so that says all I need to know," Izumi gives him the tiniest smile before his nose is buried in his coffee cup again.   
  
Mika tries to calm down, breathing out slowly and attempting to turn his mind to anything other than what's going on in the other room, but nobody seems to want to break the silence and if anything that's just making the wait seem even longer.   
  
He jumps a little when Arashi comes back into the kitchen, looking at him for any sort of hint as to what happened on the phone, but his face is scarily neutral and he sets his phone down on the table before retaking his seat and crossing his legs.   
  
"Well?" Izumi, predictably, is the first to break the silence. "What happened?"  
  
"I..." Arashi sighs. "I still have a job. I guess that's the most important thing."  
  
"But?"  
  
"But...well, not much, honestly. I'm still trying to figure out everything my manager told me...but it's not bad," he smiles then, an honest smile, and Mika feels himself relax.   
  
"So? Spill," Izumi smacks his palm on the table and flinches back a little at the annoyed glare Shu levels in his direction.   
  
"Patience, Izumi-chan," Arashi chuckles, leaning back and stretching his arms over his head. "Well, as predicted, the first thing he did was try to pin the blame on me for what happened, but I guess some of the other models there have had enough of him being the golden boy and getting away with it so they...they vouched for us," he shrugs. "The lobby wasn't empty and we were pretty loud, after all."  
  
"So what? They said he was provoking you?" Izumi blinks, looking a little confused.   
  
"Well, I guess they went back to the security footage, and while we were walking away he actually started to move toward us so when I turned back to punch him there's a very good argument to be made for self-defense," he shakes his head. "He's not hurt, anyway, and he still has a job there, but I guess at least he won't be able to lie and cheat his way through life anymore."  
  
"I guess that's better than nothing," Izumi purses his lips, not looking entirely happy. "So what's the catch?"  
  
"My manager was able to book me some gigs with the agency you recommended as kind of a trial run, but I'm brilliant so I'm not worried about that," he winks and Izumi groans loudly. "But it'll take me away for a couple of weeks and after that school's almost started again so..."  
  
"So I won' see y' fer the rest of the summer," Mika knows he sounds disappointed but, well, he _is_. He's happy Arashi's career hasn't suffered, of course, but he'd planned on spending as much time together as they could and now that's not going to happen.   
  
"I'm sorry, Mika," Arashi takes his hand, squeezing it gently. "I'll try to get back here as often as I can on weekends once the new term begins."  
  
"I know y' will," Mika sighs, because this isn't ideal by any means, but Arashi's job is more important than anything else right now. "I c'n come t' see you on my days off too, right?"  
  
"Always," Arashi grins, though there's something else that seems... _off_ , somehow, and Mika knows that Arashi's not telling him everything.   
  
He will, he's sure of it, but maybe it's something that isn't meant to be heard by everyone else there.   
  
"So, are we still doing breakfast or should I come back another day?" Nazuna asks, looking at Shu. "The three of us go out a couple of times a month if we can just to catch up," he explains, his eyes darting back to Izumi. "And to get this guy out of the house," he grins and Shu makes a rather disgruntled noise.   
  
"I'm not at all averse to braving the elements now and then in order to obtain a hot meal," Shu replies tersely. "But I don't see why we have to break our tradition when everything has been worked out."  
  
"Great! I think Mika-chin has some things to update me on anyway since the last time we met you weren't anywhere close to..." he gestures to Mika and Arashi holding hands and Mika grins sheepishly, realizing that after that day he _hadn't_ actually talked to Nazuna.   
  
"Sorry, Nazuna-nii. It, uh...it wasn' exactly the smoothest thing but I think we've got it worked out," he feels Arashi tighten his grip at the words.   
  
"Good," Nazuna smiles, nodding firmly. "Well, if everyone's ready, should we go?"  
  
Izumi's response is to complain about the no-doubt unhealthy food at whatever restaurant they were going to, of course, though Mika notices that he still follows pretty quickly when it becomes obvious that nobody else is taking his side.   
  
Arashi keeps holding his hand as they walk down the sidewalk, something natural about the casual contact now, and Mika thinks that it would be easy to get used to.   


000

  
"So what weren't y' tellin' us earlier?" Mika asks once they're in Arashi's room, the other man taking clothes out of his closet and starting to fold them on the bed.

"Hmm? What makes you think I wasn't telling you everything?" Arashi asks vaguely, with just enough dismissal in his voice to let Mika know he's right.

"Because I know you," he replies softly, not wanting to press but at the same time...at the same time, he _really_ hopes Arashi's not lying to him.

"Mm, too well, apparently," Arashi flops onto the bed, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. "Are you staying tonight?"

"If you want me to," Mika shrugs, keeping his distance because Arashi's still avoiding his question and it's bothering him. "D'you want me to?"

"C'mere, honey," Arashi holds out his arm and Mika sighs, crawling forward to curl up on his chest. "They want me there tomorrow afternoon."

"...oh."

And really, Mika feels like he should say more, but what more is there to say? Yeah, it sucks that Arashi has to leave right away and that he won't be back for...at least a few weeks, but...

"I didn't want to kill the mood at breakfast," he strokes his hand down Mika's back, voice a soft murmur in his ear. "I really wanted to spend the rest of the summer with you, you know, and I feel like it's my fault that now I don't get to.

"Well, it kinda is," Mika replies, closing his eyes and snuggling closer. "I mean, if y' hadn't punched that guy...but he's an ass, so 'm glad y' did," he adds and feels Arashi's chest vibrate as he laughs.

"I'm glad, too. But yes, to answer your question, I want you to stay. I want you to stay all the time," he replies softly, and Mika can't say he disagrees. Sleeping without Arashi there just feels unnatural now, but with school starting up again he'll have to get used to it.

Though, if Arashi's leaving in the morning, he'll be getting used to it a lot sooner than he'd like.

"Okay," Mika doesn't really have any objections to that and he rolls over, pushing himself up so he's facing Arashi. "Where d'you hafta go?"

"It's a few hours away, from what I hear...they're doing a lot of fall collections now so that means clothing that's way too warm for the weather outside," he wrinkles his nose and sighs. "But as long as the experience with this place is better than the last one I can deal with it."

"Good," Mika kisses him quickly. "And since y' won't be hookin' up with any of yer fellow models this time, it should be easy fer it t' be better," he tries to sound as confident as he can, even though he still gets nervous sometimes when he thinks things that are so possessive.

"Nope, there's only one person I'm interested in hooking up with now," Arashi winks. "But he's as beautiful as any model I've ever seen, so I don't think I'm missing out."

"Naru-chan!" Mika whines, knowing he's blushing. "Why d'you always hafta say stuff like that?"

"Because it's true. And because you react in the cutest ways when I do," he adds with a smirk. "In fact...you should let me take some pictures of you. Give me something to remember you by when I'm not here," he slides his hands down so they're tucked under the waistband of Mika's jeans.

"Okay," Mika agrees in a whisper, because with anybody else he'd feel awkward and uncomfortable, but with Arashi somehow his uncertainties don't seem as important.

"Perfect," Arashi pulls him in for a kiss and Mika sinks against him gratefully, telling himself to relax and have fun because there's nothing to worry about at all.  


000

  
"Maybe y' should be behind the camera instead of in front of it," Mika says later when they're scrolling through the photos, because he hates to admit it, but he looks... _good_.

Even with their limited supplies and just the light from Arashi's bedroom, Mika can barely recognize himself. He looks confident and mature in the photos, especially the one where he's sitting in Arashi's windowsill and backlit by the setting sun.

And then there's the ones on the bed itself, which he's a little less sure about, but he knows Arashi isn't going to show them to anybody and it's not like he was _naked_ or anything.

Still, he's wearing nothing but one of Arashi's dress shirts and a pair of boxers and it feels kind of cliched.

"And deprive the world of this face?" Arashi chuckles, glancing sideways at Mika. "Mm, or do you just want me all to yourself?"

"Well, yeah, I thought that's kinda obvious by now," Mika admits, ducking his head and squawking when there's a flash. "Naru-chan!"

"This was a bad idea," Arashi stares at the picture and then looks back at Mika. "You have no idea what seeing you in my clothes looking like that does to me."

"Huh?" Mika blinks at him, uncovering his face. "Really?"

"What do you think?" Arashi sets his phone down, eyes dark and a husky undertone to his voice that only really shows up when he's turned on. Mika gulps and leans back against the headboard, his own body starting to react.

"D'you wanna..."

"We have to...no marks, okay? If I'm going to be working for the next few days..." he adds, sliding closer and straddling Mika's hips.

"I'll control myself. Promise," Mika reaches for him and Arashi meets him with a rather desperate kiss, a needy noise slipping from his throat.

And well. If _this_ is the reaction it gets, maybe wearing Arashi's clothes like this isn't quite so bad after all.  


000

  
He wakes up well before the alarm goes off, inwardly glad because that means being able to stay curled up with Arashi for a bit longer. The sun is barely creeping past the curtains and Mika rolls onto his side, reaching to brush Arashi's hair back.

Arashi murmurs something in his sleep, sighing and turning onto his side in a way that makes the blankets slip down to his waist.

Mika's reaching for his own phone before he can help himself, figuring that he should have something to remember Arashi by too, and this image is way too good to pass up.

"Naru-chan, wake up," he says quietly, getting another sleepy sigh in return. Arashi opens his eyes a little, smiling when he sees Mika, and Mika takes the picture quickly and slides the phone back onto the nightstand.

"You don't see me enough in magazines?" Arashi looks wryly amused as he reaches to run a hand through his messy hair.

"Uh, I really hope magazines don't get t' see you like this. Unless yer doin' a different kind of modelin' than I think y' are," he lies back down and lets Arashi pull him in.

"Nope, you're definitely the only one who gets to see me with my bedhead," he snorts, still trying to tame his hair.

" 's cute. I like it when yer not put t'gether," Mika admits. "I mean yer beautiful either way, but like this..."

"You, too," Arashi promises, leaning in for a gentle kiss. "How much time do we have?"

"Prob'ly an hour before y' have to head t' the train," Mika replies, wishing it were longer.

"That means I have to start getting ready pretty soon, but I don't want to leave you yet," he wraps an arm around Mika's waist and cuddles closer.

"Hey, we'll see each other real soon, and y' can always call me 'n stuff," Mika shrugs, even though both of them know it's not quite the same.

"I will. Every night. And I'll text you as often as I can during the day," he grips Mika's hand, sliding their fingers together.

"Sounds like a plan," Mika nudges his nose against Arashi's playfully.

"Good," Arashi yawns, stretching out a little. "Well. I can't really put this off any longer," he frowns and sits up, ruffling Mika's hair with his hand. "You can stay and sleep if you want."

"Maybe fer a little bit," Mika realizes he's still kind of tired and burrows his face into the pillow.

"Cute. I'll wake you when I'm out of the shower," Arashi leans down to kiss the back of his neck. "I love you."

"Love you, too," Mika feels a little choked up even though it's ridiculous since it's not like Arashi's going away forever and one day...one day they'll be able to do this every morning.

He waited for Arashi for years, so he can wait a little longer to have him all the time.

Maybe he's not sure about much, but he's sure about this, and right now that's all he needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. There will probably only be one more chapter/epilogue to this fic so we're basically at the end! I've enjoyed writing it so much and I want to thank you all again for the support and comments :)
> 
> 2\. I wanted to get this out in time for Arashi's birthday and also in honor of the latest gacha because I feel spoiled with how much aramika content there was and how adorable they were. I mean Mika getting a job just to get Arashi flowers feels like something out of a fanfic so I'm still amazed it happened in canon!
> 
> 3\. As always, feel free to leave a comment if you want!


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